'80s diary goodtimes, oh yeah. Note Perseus, Saints at Seaview Ballroom in this excerpt

please remember the following are excerpts from mg's diaries. they are more than 25 years old. they don't describe her current life and they tend to be fairly raw and girly. all are 100% true and 100% daggy.

Vol. 4

Tues 23/11/82

HOT today. 36 degrees. INXS on Rock Around the World. I live for music! Stuffed. Went out as family to Spaghetti Graffiti. I sulked most of the night. IN a bad mood. I get so paranoid about the backs of my knees gettin' fat. God. Stoopid fuckwit! Stop eating. Didn't eat much today. Salad. 2 vita-weets. 6 granitas. 1/2 enormous spag marin. Choc burger. * Well. Why aren't I skinny? Boys always seem to be skinny. Small arses, etc. I want to have a small arse.** Small everything!

My birthday Thurs week. Big fucking deal. 19 years old. Fuck! Senile! Anyway, go now and read. Beach tomorrow. On way, buy two more white t-shirts (for Leunig punk, and No Nonsense). Goodnight.

Wednesday 24/11/82. After 2am. Just returned from Seaview Ballroom, St Kilda. Allniters, INXS and Soldiers of Fortune. No Nonsense there also.

I


FEEL

SICK!

Saw Mark, good to chat with him. Night. PS Sunburnt today.

25/11

Dad just rang and woke me up. Dreaming this morning.

Ramblings: peach negligee, coffined grit, babes' tongues, spiralled glass, whirlpool of degeneration.

It would be better if we had to earn the title of human being, there are so many animals walking around.

Scared of expecting too much from the world and from life and from me.

Looking back to the beginning of the year, I was so excited about going to university. Pathetic delusions, imposed and created by society.

Bad Poetry # 23
Held prisoner in the room of sitting
The box spewing forth all this
Fucking rubbish about nothing
The twelfth man will be... Dennis
Lillee will be forced to watch from the
Sidelines - his knee is fucked.
The members of the state parliament
Met with the football men today
To figure out where to play the
Grand Finals.

Fuck, Australia's stuffed! Why can't
They get their priorities right?
While Begin's murdering
Hundred of refs, and ReaGUN and
USSR are at each other's throats
- Australia sits round talking cricket.

Don't be a waterholic - help Australia.
What bollocks*** is this? Crap, crap, crap!
Tax and all that shit. Blah, blah!
"Two thousand losing jobs every day"
And all the old farts think about
Is football, and cricket - and water.

My sunburn has died into brown. It is much cooler now, thank god. Hope it rains. There is an enormous party on Dec 4th, Barkly Rd Box Hill.

Yesterday I went to get some Haines t-shirts only to find that they had gone up, from $11 each to $13.50! Fucking hell!

Last night, INXS was so crowded upstairs we didn't even attempt to get in. After their show, the drummer walked through the lobby, holding a girl's hand! Bitch! She wasn't very pretty at all!

25/11/82 Today... I feel like saying I did basically fuck all - but I went to Glenferrie Rd and earned $18 buckaroobies. Bought 2 Jukes. Came home, watched the idiot box. Composed the crap on the previous page, and the highlight of the day was drawing 3 Johnny rotten sketches. I'm really pleased with them.

I find things of the past losing value, eg Adam. I am certainly not as fanatical about him as I used to be, but I don't think I'll "feel that way" about another person, in that there may never be that idolatry or adulation from afar to the point of obsession.

All is illusory. Life is delusory.

Night.

26/11/82 After midnight. Tonight we went to the Central Club Richmond and saw Allniters and No Nonsense. They all seem to have girlfriends already, especially Dicky and Tony. A touch depressing! Jim (dag) asked D to the Airforce/Navy ball - ha, what a laugh. She had to say yes. I was (am) really tired and I was sitting while D was talking to Jim and Mike (in a circle around me). One of the little skinheads came up and joined the conversation, telling me to "Cheer up, life isn't that bad!" That's what I love about the scene surrounding ska music. It's fun, happy, pro-life etc. Even tough-looking little shits are optimistic. He was nice. It's very upsetting seeing Dicky with his girlfriend - but... what can one do except try and extinguish one's cigarette in her ear.

I resolve to be happy etc next time I'm with that crowd, which will probably be... when?

"Sounds" on tomorrow at 10am. Will I wake up? Probably not. Night.

27/11/82 (Sat) About 3am so really Sunday. Today, slept in. Read. Actually I didn't watch any tv. Listened to "Ska Ways" on 3PBS. Talked on CB for a few minutes. Then went out with D to Seaview Ballroom. $8 to see Saints and New Order. New Order = boring. Saints less so but not fab. Saw ---. She told me -- has sort of kicked Dad out. He has to be out by Dec 19th. They have been fighting heaps and -- said there were about 3 other women involved. That may be an exaggeration but I bet --**** is involved. Fuck! Poor G--. Poor Dad. Why hasn't Dad told us? Probably is waiting until it's final or definite. -- said he can try and salvage the relationship once they've separated. So there's still hope. Sounds nasty though. That put a definite damper on my evening and hence I was quiet and thoughtful. I've told Mum and she's concerned. I won't tell [sister and brother]. -- asked me not to. And not to say anything to Dad. I won't because I can see how she's scared of him getting mad with her. She's scared he'll get violent when the 10th comes, and he's acting as if nothing's happened. I hope they work it out. I'll get mad if he leaves -- for --. He had a good thing going with -- he's an idiot if he throws it away. If he goes with -- she'll probably end up killing him. Jesus!

28/11/82 Woke up about 9.45am. Dad rang about work. I drove to St Kilda Road. Did work. Came home again. Bummed around. Read. No TV. Talked on CB. "Eyeball" with Jeff at park. very fat. Then [sister] spoke to Brett for most of the night. Peter says he fat and short, yuck. People always seem to sound better than they look. Spoke to Peter all tonight. Got very intimate. It's strange how you can get excited by just a voice, and personality. He's got a sexy voice, but I suppose one tends to build the voice up when there is no face/body to go with it. Peter at one stage went to have a shower and I had one too*****. Washed my hair. Feels nice. There was one stage in the conversation when I was really turned on. I'm really curious to see what he looks like! I refuse to meet him in a park, service station, etc, but I'd like to meet him at a party, such as Saturday night's (Gumpy's). In a party atmosphere it would be easier to talk to him, and easier to get rid of him if I needed. Anyway, it's after 2am so I have to read then sleep. Night.

29/11/82 BORING DAY! Woke up at about 1pm. Disgusting. Spoke on CB to John (likes Public Image Ltd, Sex Pistols, etc), Peter the Toad, Tony Wombat One, George for a while, Monique, Paul (Hungarian in Ashburton) and Brett Wombat 2. [Sister] saw Brett on the bus and was not impressed. He's really depressed now. Peter was tired today because he got up at 7am, and worked on his car etc. Very sexy voice. I'm dying to know what he looks like. He kept asking for an eyeball, but I said no. Only if I arranged to meet him at a party. Anyway, will go now and read. Have to get up early and go to the tennis at Kooyong. Sometimes I can't tell whether Peter likes me or not. Last night he said my 3 hobbies were"

1. staying up on CB talking to YMs (young males) all night
2. turning YMs on
3. screwing

He said his fantasy was to meet me and fall in love with me etc. He sounds so strong and sexy. Night.

30/11/82 [253706 Peter Alan E's phone number]

Okay, today has been rawther eventful. Woke up at 10am. Watched tennis on tv. Spoke to D on phone. Monique and Tony came over today and stayed for ages. Then I cooked dinner and while I was cooking, [sister] was eavesdropping on Peter on the radio and heard him mention my birthday twice. I wanted to know if he spoke to Toony and Tony said what I looked like but he hadn't. Then, after tea, [brother] was on the phone and I heard Peter CQ'ing. I said "Hi Peter" and he sounded far away. He said for me to talk to Simon while he (Peter) fixed the CB. Then in a few minutes he sounded much clearer and came back on and said he'd fixed it. Then he said that it was dustbin night in our street and whether we had an alsation. Then I knew they were outside. I looked out and sure enough there was a white panel van parked outside. I went outside and saw them and they came in. Peter was/is a pleasant surprise as Tony put it. Tall, nice body, dark brown short hair, nice eyes, nice smile, nice skin etc. They arrived about 8.45pm and left at about 10.45pm. VERY NICE! Now I can picture him when I talk to him; and when I think of things I've said to him I'm not embarrassed because he's attractive but one enormous, gigantic problem. He's got a girlfriend. "Not to worry, them's the breaks". Ijust have to get rid of her. Ha ha. Only joking. Anyway must go and read, George Orwell's 1984. Night

* Whatever happened to choc burgers? They were good. The closest equivalent today is the Maxi-Bon. I like them too.

** I, along with both my husbands, are glad this particular wish never came true. I have a great arse, I just didn't know it then.

*** 2008 note - notice authentic punk reference here to "bollocks". I've never used this word.

**** Perseus, this is the snuffer of small lives person.

***** 2008 note: reading this now, it sounds very suss. I swear no freaky CB-sex happened. I was so innocent, he'd probably had a wank or something, but I really just went for a shower!

Are You a Keira Lover or a Keira Hater?

Well, I thought I wouldn't be able to ever enjoy a Keira Knightley film. It's the lips I think. The pouting, it just gets to me. She'd ruined the movie about Dylan Thomas for me. The Pirates of Caribbean never worked for me. Atonement was alright but she just wasn't that great in it and I preferred the book. As usual.

Then, I allowed myself to be persuaded to see the Duchess against my better instincts. I'm happy to see virtually any movie, I just love films, in fact, the only film I've ever walked out of was Frances, just before the lobotomy scene. Even as a 12-year-old I sat through the coathanger-in-vagina scene in Sybil. Obviously not scarred at all by that memory.

My mum made me see it with her. I went in, thinking it might just be awful.

BUT I LOVED IT. And, I was surprised, she was good in it. The lips were not at all distracting for some reason. She was compelling. Of course, the character was compelling really. I left the cinema and it stayed with me, into the next day, and even the next. I kept thinking about her, and the story, and her hair.

I'd already bought the book that the movie is based on, and being a bit of a fusty old academic, I am just adoring the adherence to solid research, but also the author - Amanda Foreman - writes well. Oh, she does. So now, each night, I leave my body in the comfortable bed, and I wing my mind to Olde England, where the Duchess of Devonshire holds court at parties and balls, I read her letters to her mother, and her mother's letters to her, I read snippets of articles from newspapers. She even wrote a book called The Sylph, a type of roman-a-clef that was an admittedly thinly-veiled account of her life, married and social. I want to buy this book.

Did you know the Duchess was Princess Diana's great, great, great, great-aunt, or somesuch? I couldn't count the family tree generations properly, but she is from the Spencer family and her childhood home was Althorp (same as Diana's).

They had so many life parallels, these two women. Both married older men who were repressed or remote, witholding and cold. Both the husbands had mistresses when they got married, and continued on with them. Both the women became famous/notorious for their fashion leadership and innovation. And both made waves and impressions on society with their ventures into areas where young ladies of their society did not "venture" - for the Duchess it was politics and her support for the Whigs, for the Princess it was holding AIDS sufferers hands, and later landmines. Both became more famous and popular than their husbands, who were the original title holders. And both (possibly) had illegitimate children?

So now I go to the Duchess. It's wonderful. As is she.

And did I mention the hair?

"These hairstyles were labor-intensive and required cushions and wool, pomatum and powder, and an array of decorations. They were uncomfortable, they attracted insects and mice, and they could be fire hazards. "

'80s diarama goodtimes

please remember the following are excerpts from mg's diaries. they are more than 25 years old. they don't describe her current life and they tend to be fairly raw and girly. all are 100% true and 100% daggy.








18/11/82


About 1am so it's really 19/11. Just returned from the Sentimental Bloke where we caught No Nonsense and INXS. I was really mad cause we couldn't leave to go there untill about 8.15pm. We got there after 9pm and I expected it to be full. It was very crowded and "suburban". You know, Moving Pictures, etc. But no one was right up the front near the stage. They were all hanging back as it were. I marched up the front, deposited my SAFEWAY clutch-bag beside the speaker-things, and sat on the stage. BEST POSI. Then No Nonsense were fab. as usual. INXS took ages to appear after NN left the stage. Had the best view of everything going on. INXS full of energy. Drummer so gorgeous!





I didn't stand there gazing! Michael Hutchence his normal, provocative self. So sexual! It was truly great, excellent. I salvaged a guitar pick, had to ask a deadshit bouncer to get it for me. It's up on my wall next to the Carlton Draught beer can from the Beach Ball upon which Michael placed his holy lips.





Then, to top it all off, as we were sitting outside a guy came up and talked to us. Really good friend of No Nonsense. Went on the tour with them and Strange Tenants to Sydney. So we started firing questions at him about the group, whether lead singer had a girlfriend, yes. His name, Richard Bruce (stage name, Dicky Diver) and this guy gave his us phone number (Dicky's). Wow! Asked if we were going to see them tomorrow night. Like to very much. Anyway, that's about all, folks. Night.





Fri Nov 19, 1982.


Just returned from a night out - ANOTHER ONE? FARK! Today, arranged on the CB to meet George and Brian, so we rendez-vous'ed at the Palace Hotel, Burke Rd, Camberwell. They were even later than us, and when they walked in it was so funny. I waved and said "hi" just as they were about to walk past. (They couldn't recognise me, but I could recognise them.) They looked so surprised - as if they just weren't expecting us to be how we were/are. George said "Is this it?" Ha ha ha, the big confrontation! They were pretty pissed or pretended to be (security in pissedness?) We talked for a while, then they had to go to Warrandyte to a party. Brian was really funny - cute giggle. Lovely, crinkly smile a la Keith Richards. Nice eyes. Not exactly how I had seen him before, but that was from a train. I'm glad we could talk, it wasn't uncomfortable, which will make it easier when I talk to them next on the CB.





Then we trekked off in the Beetle to the Venetian Room at a hotel in the city. Admission $5. We are gradually establishing ourselves with the people surrounding the group. It was fab, danced til I ached. Ringdangdoo is grouse. T.I.T.A.N is too - "he's strong, Titan, he's tough, Titan, he's big, Titan, he's an addict, Titan..." Bloody good. They'd just backed INXS at Bombay Rock so they would have been fucked. I'm smoking too much. 10 last night, 10 tonight.





Design for t-shirts [sketch of big NO and small nonsense underneath.]





20th Nov (Sat)


Played netball, lost. Hot. Went to swim. Went to Godspell party. Boring. Had to wait for about 2 fucking hours when everyone packing up stage etc so 1am when party started THEN after what seemed like 1/2 an hour at the party, they started fucking speeches and presentations. FUCK. SO BORING!!!!!! Just wanted to come home. We left straight after that. Now 4.10am. Didn't get home until 4am, what a waste. I could have had an early night and got some sleep. Anyway, I have a new book "An Indecent Obsession." Night.





Sun Nov 21.


Woke midday. Went and filled car with petrol. Went to Rye beach. Didn't even sunbake or swim. Very clear skies and sunny but so windy. Drove home. High point of day was EON interview with Caroline Coon on 1988 *(book she wrote) Sid Vicious My Way really funny. I taped it. Anyway, Monday tomorrow, look for Hobby-Tex and t-shirts. Um. Goodnight.





Mon Nov 22, 1982.


After midnight, watched last Nightmoves for 1982 tonight. Great show, Sex Pistols, Clash, Stones etc. For list, see page in this book.**





Keith Richard + Johnny Rotten





I really admire them. I love reading about them and their music. I am addicted to related information about Sex Pistols and Rolling Stones. I admire the Sex Pistols for what they did and represented; and the Stones for what they are, esp Keith Richards. He is a strong person, anyone who can live with heroin in their blood is strong. He is alive. If ever I write a book, I would dedicate most of it to these two groups, and the Clash. They are fascinating. The Sex Pistols and the Clash represent Honesty and Truth. Keith Richards respresents Strength, Integrity and Truth. But do they? Mick Jagger = hypocrite (self-admitted). Sid Vicious died. Brian Jones died. Each = "living death?"***





FASCINATING.





Anyway, must go now and read Sex Pistols, New Wave Explosion and Rolling Stones 1st 20 Years.





Night.





Clash London Calling















Loved this song by the sunnyboys:






and finally, the hoodoo gurus. excellent.










* 2008 comment - i know this looks like a typo but it's not. i checked and the title is correct, even though it was at that time, still the future.





** this was the list:


Midnight Oil/Clash/Sex Pistols/Models/Psychedelic Furs/US/Sports/Johnny Warman/Divinyls/Belle Stars/Bow Wow Wow/Dexy's Midnight Runners/Hall and Oates/Chas Jankel/ABC/Mentals/Hoodoo Gurus/Machinations/Split Enz/Sunnyboys/Rolling Stones/John Lennon.





*** 2008 note - [shudder]

xavier scandale

this from the school which has educated both mobster and high-level police spawn in their hallowed and scholarly halls.

"Our year level has always had a bit of a lust for wanton destruction with the types of guys who think car jumping is a fun pastime," one student wrote to the Herald-Sun.

The boy, who described himself as the King of Xavier, also accused the Jesuit school of being more interested in its appearance than caring for difficult students.

i had an idea for a story, of star-crossed lovers (fifi condello and max nixon) who fall in love, across the great divide of the classroom and their family backgrounds.

pure fiction, of course. but it would be great. don't steal my idea.

saturday stuff

first up, good morning good people. how was your coffee? your eggs?




i slept beautifully, partly i'm sure because 17 days of alcohol-free living will start to make you feel quite terrific once you've pushed through the days 15 and 16 desire to find wine and drink it.





the first thing i saw in the age today was the story about the horse, weekend hussler and harry, the kid who is the only person in the world who can enter the horse's box and not get bitten, kicked, stomped on. killed basically.*





i like stories like this.





the headline is "the little mate who softens a champion's heart" and the article tells us that:





harry is 5 years old





not only is he the only person who can get close to the horse without being attacked, he can also predict whether the horse will win or lose.





check these soothsayings:





young harry apparently said "yeah, dad, he'll win, he'll win" before every other race, except the turnbull where he told his father "he won't win today, dad."





the best quote is where young harry refers to weekend hussler as "the hussler". has harry been watching the apprentice and seinfeld? he said this to a jockey who (it seems, the article is unclear, thank god for the calls for proper grammar and english classes in schools again, all hail "clear thinking", long may it reign, etc.) failed to win on the horse "you're the one that murdered the hussler."





finally, we learn that harry has a knack for picking winners of other kinds, and helped turn his father's $100 down the pub into $900.





they'd better keep a close eye on the kid. the bookies might grab him, and take him out the back.





and hey, do you think this photo looks photoshopped? the line of the horse's nose against the boy's t-shirt looks unnatural. i reckon they've played with the photo, and the kid's standing 2 feet back. but they've put the hay in front of the horse's nostrils to make it look like they are close. looks wrong. hard to see in this pic, but in the paper (front page) it's clearer.











*





in other news, four of the books i ordered online HAVE ARRIVED. including, true grit. so it's very good.





i've often fantasised about owning a book shop. one of my favourite book shops is syber's books in chapel st, windsor. the woman in there seems cranky but she's nice, she has lots of cats lolling around, and her collection is wonderful. it's been on the tip of my tongue whilst in there, on occasion, while at the register as she tallies my erudite and expensive selection, to offer my services as book person/cat feeder/shelf tidier. sometimes, i'll tidy the shelves as i browse, hoping she'll notice and say, in her manly voice, "can i offer you a job?" or "i'm looking to get out of the biz. wanna take over, sweets?"





other people fantasise about sex with celebrities or the person opposite on the tram. i fantasise about owning a book shop.





*





stemothering is a hard fucking motherfuck of a job. sometimes i really hate it, and if you want to find the best, easiest way of hating yourself and being self-critical and thinking you are indeed the el primao shit, be a stepmother.





it's a no-win situation.





1. be the evil stepmother, be cold, cruel, harsh, witholding, mean, nasty.





--- at the end, they will hate and resent you and everything bad that happens in their lives will be your fault.





2. try to be a mother to them, do your best to be loving, kind, positive, encouraging, supportive, affectionate. but sometimes fail and struggle and feel it's not good to pretend love when you're not feeling it. but still pick yourself up, try again the next day, realise it's not a finite relationship, it's ongoing and organic (like any relationship) and that there will never be a day when you can dust your hands off, wipe your brow and say "ok, good job, that's finished."





--- at the end, they will hate and resent you and everything bad that happens in their lives will be your fault.





3. leave them alone, don't get involved, let their father make all the decisions, have all the disciplinary dealings with them, try to be as neutral as possible, try not to interfere, bite your tongue.





--- at the end, they will hate and resent you and everything bad that happens in their lives will be your fault.





so good, bad or indifferent, the end result will be the same? PLEASE TELL ME IT'S NOT SO. PLEASE TELL ME NUMBER 2 IS THE BEST COURSE, IT'S WHAT I'M DOING, AND THAT THERE IS SOME HOPE.





the only thing harder than being a mother, is being a stepmother - frankie, love my way.



ps - perseus, did you read article page 8?

* this is my artistic license. i think the words used were "nudged" and "butted" in addition to "bitten."

7/11/82

Today I did FUCK ALL in the way of study. I accept I will most probably fail although I will try my hardest on the actual exam. Think clearly and argue deftly. Getting up at 5am.

Ate too much today fat cow!

- cruskitts/cheese/veg

- lemonade ice blocks

- peanuts

- salad

- apple

- apple slice thing and custard

YOU WILL BE REALLY FAT IF YOU DON'T STOP EATING!

and don't just ignore this bitch! Tomorrow you go back on the diet that was so good. Keep doing exercises.

Goodnight.

8/11/82

Politics exam today - FARK. Fucking horrible, just disgusting it was! Only one exam to go. Stats on Wed. Write up History essays, hand in on friday. Then finished until I want to go back! What'll I do wiv meself? Try and get a job to earn money, but a career? I don't want a career yet. Professional Anarchist? I DON'T KNOW. D and I talked about writing a book on the music industry. Something which is TRUE and all sides get their say. Artists/business/commercial industry. I'd like to open a clothes shop - t-shirts/DIY, y'know?

FUCK what can I see myself doing seriously? Nothing. Travelling. Acting. Working in the muzak industry? Film? Designing t-shirts? I don't want anyone to look like me. I wanna be different; shits me the way if I think of something novel, soon it's common. eg robin hood boots, kilts, long socks, etc. I'm just crapping on man. I hate being behind London. Whatever happens there, filters through to here about 4 fucking years later. We're so insulated down here. Radio is so "conservative" in that it only plays Top 40 Songs. 3PBS is the best station - the wider variety, range of music. You can listen to what you want on PBS most of the time...

Reading about "successful" music groups, they tended to all have early failures before they succeeded. I'm scared of failure. I don't want to commit myself and then get let down.

9/11/82

At night actualement. Apres midnight so in reality 10/11. [Sister] is breathing like a fucking bull. CHRIST. I hope I can get some sleep. If I read until I'm exhausted then I shouldn't hear her. Tonight did exercises! Onn Rock Arena, Channel 2, had Rolling Stones videos. Ace man. Statistics tomorrow. FUCK [sister]. She's so loud tonight! It's like she's pretending to snore really loud, but she's not. God! I wish she could sleep in Mum's room and Mum in here then I'd get some sleep. Last exam tomorrow. I kept daydreaming today. I did not do much work - most tonight. It is as if I'm trying to fail on purpose. Probably I am using excuses to explain why I won't go well. It's easier to say "I didn't work" rather than "I'm dumb". But I could do well if I did work, but not this year.

Keith Richards is so punk, maaaan. Well I suppose I'd better piss off now, good night.

10/11/82

FINISHED EXAMS.

Tomorrow write up History essays, tidy room. Get organised to live! Go to bank. Go to Art and Craft shop. Op shops. Stats exam = fucking horrible. Almost certain failure. Bad man. Tonight went to Black Cat Cafe, Brunswick St, yummy. Talking about music all the time. Practically everything D and I talk about is music orientated. She's like me, aspirations to love someone famous (you know what I mean.) Anyway, keep smiling babe.

11/11/82

About 12.30pm so just woken up. Still in bed. Dreamt all night.

* * *
[Later] I have finished all my work and yay my working year has finis. I'm so excited. Finished writing out History essays today (tonight). I was high as I wrote the last letter - "n". Now I can do what I like (although I've really been doing what I like already, which has been shithouse for my discipline etc). Tidied my room today, took from about 1pm to 5.30pm. Hours! But I did it very thoroughly - won't need to do it again for a few months.

Tomorrow Mum's staying home to write her essay so hopefully I'll be able to get the car and go shopping to the art/craft place, have to go to the bank, I want to get some more t-shirts. Combat boots! Also want to buy records, but they can wait until I get a job. Got upset talking to Dad tonight cause he never takes what I want to do seriously. He reckons I don't need money - and doesn't understand how much I want to go to the UK. Shits me. Anyway must go now. Am listening to Rolling Stones special and then will read "Two Tone Book for Rude Boys."

12/11/82

Is after midnight, actually it's about 3am and have returned from celebrations. Pissed. Pissed. Bush Inn then Royal Hotel.

13/11/82 (Really 14/11 cause you know, the same old thing, "it's after midnight...") Just returned from the best ska gig at the Seaview Ballroom, St Kilda. No Nonsense, then Allnigters, then Strange Tenants. Were FAB man. Wide range of peoples there - calling All Rude Boys! Danced muchly. My body aches, yes it does. Didn't do exercises officially "as it were" but danced all night and played a hard game of netball this afternoon. Didn't eat much today, yay. Yet another spaghetti marinara to add to the list (Leo's). Went to beach today after netball. Lovely. Beaconsfield Parade, swim. Tomorrow going to beach to stay the night.

14/11/82

At beach, we drove down today about 9am and weather - ok. Not too hot. Went swimming at beach, nice one, with rock pools. Lovely. Re-reading The Wolf and the Dove. I love it. Hopefully tomorrow = hot so can swim and sunbake. Scones/jam/cream tonight. Only 4 (8 x 1/2) Monday - tomorrow - going back to Melbourne. Hair curly from ocean. Am tired. Night.

15/11/82 (but really 16/11) Came back from the beach at about 2pm. Spoke to Peter on CB tonight. Bit of a headbeater or something. Very nice but not my type. Has a panel-van and a CM and therefore not my type (seemingly). Night Moves pretty boring, but still I watch. Television is SHIT at the moment as all the crap is put on at this time of year. Good time to get into my various artistic enterprises. Buy t-shirts tomorrow? Am having car in afternoon. Go shopping - look for combat boots, t-shirts, decorating gear, more pyjama pants, sandals. Look into curly hair. Bathers? The list is endless.

16/11/82 About 11.30pm. Tonight I talked to Fred from Swan Hill and Peter again. Fred wants to meet me tomorrow night and is going to go on the CB Channel 3AM tomorrow morning to talk, to find out if I say "yes" or "no". It'd be ok to meet him in a pub somewhere with my friends. He says he's 5ft 7inches, blond/brown hair, green eyes, moustache, 22 years ol. His friend = black, curly hair. I was talking to Fred and then Peter broke in. Then, shortly after, Fred left, and I spoke to Peter. I thought Fred may have still been listening so I didn't really want to say anything about him to Peter so I didn't. When I said goodbye to Peter, just as I was walking out, Fred called me and said he'd been listening to the last part of the convo with Peter, and that I sounded really nice on tyhe CB and that he wants to know my decision tomorrow morning at 10am. I said I'd speak to him tomorrow. (PS Today I bought my last Rolling Stones book - "The First Twenty Years" $20.)

17/11 This morning I got up at 9.30am. Started cooking the casserole. At 10am I spoke to Fred on the CB. Then I talked to George and Brian. George is station master at Ashburton and Brian works at Burwood Station. Brian is the one I always look at as I pass through in the train. They were in Brian's car and mobile at Hartwell. Then they went off air, and I talked to Graeme, the Transylvanian Dracula. Kept calling me "darlin' sweetie" a real sleaze. Nice to talk to. Wanted to go away on the weekend with me. It's such fun talking to people you don't know when you can't see them. Then, I got rid of him and talked to Brian while he was at work, but sitting in his car. He had to go off and answer the phone a couple of times. We had a great conversation. Really funny. He had to go as the station got busy so he said he'd speak to me at 7pm on call channel. I had a big fight with [brother] cause he wouldn't let me use the rig. He was being so unreasonable and I was being a real fucking stubborn bitch. The poor guy got really upset and said I could talk for 15 mins. I talked to George at 7pm and he said Brian would be coming on at 7.15 when I had to get off. Eventually I had to turn off without saying hello to Brian or bye to George. I'll catch George tomorrow hopefully. I didn't talk to Peter either. BLAH. It's so addictive. Reminds me so much of Second Form down at [cousin's house] using [cousin's] rig. So into it. Brian's very nice though. Night.

fuck foam - the emperor's got no clothes

i know i have touched on my hatred for "gastronomic" foam before.

and i know some people are creaming their jeans about ferran adrià's visit to australia.

i know his restaurant el bulli in spain is the current bee's knees eating spot, with a waiting list for 12 months or some rubbish.

but know this, chefs of the world:

restaurants where you have to eat in the dark, are bullshit.

restaurants where there are 84 courses, with matched wines, are bullshit.

restaurants with menus that list every single fucking ingredient including palm sugar, are bullshit.

restaurants which feature dishes blending ridiculous tastes and textures, are bullshit. i'm not saying i can't appreciate innovative when it works. but parmesan and banana? beetroot and chocolate?

come on.

restaurants which promote descriptions like this: crunchy dehydrated tomato flakes, of biological origin with an attractive bright orange colour. Crutomat does not add acidity and brings out the full flavour of the tomato, giving a fantastic texture to pastries or preparations. Available in elongated flakes. Keep in a cool dry place. Ingredients: 400 g Tomato Flakes: tomato flakes, corn starch, sugar are bullshit.

give me a good beef burgundy. give me a good soft poached egg. give me a good tasmanian or coffin bay oyster (not sydney rock.) give me a good medium-rare fillet steak. give me a good duck confit. give me a good chicken casserole. give me a good slice of beautifully grilled fish, with garlic and oil. give me good potato mash. give me good green beans. give me a good, simple salad, with oil, salt and lemon. give me a good slice of bread, with real butter. give me a good souffle. give me a good cheesecake. give me a good bombe alaska (oh, mirka, here you excel.)

give me good service, but not hovery, obsequious, poncey, naffness.

give me the feeling of your geniune enjoyment of your job, not the feeling that you wish you were at home with beers and a pizza in front of australian idol.

don't flirt with me, my husband won't like it. but i can flirt with you, and you and he can cope with that.

don't ever, ever fucking raise your eyebrow at my choice of wine, or wanting something that you think doesn't go with something else.

and don't use the words "foam", "froth", "clouds", "molecular", "spray", "frozen air" or "acqueous" when you want me to eat something on your menu. "smoke" is also dodgy when used as a noun.

follow these instructions and you will have, in me, a happy customer.

thank you.

i know he looks like he's wearing clothes. that's just the illusion.

1980s goodtimes continue

please remember the following are excerpts from mg's diaries. they are more than 25 years old. they don't describe her current life and they tend to be fairly raw and girly. all are 100% true and 100% daggy.

vol 3.

22/10/82

JUST SAW COMPLETE MADNESS AT THE PALAIS. WERE FANTABULOUS. Sounded great! Sang best (all) songs. We were Row C up the top, and people in Rows A and B didn't stand up, so we did and danced and had completely unobstructed view of the stage! It était excellent! Then we went to Le Joke. OK. Got essay in and 3 essays back, passed at least. Seeing "Sweaty Weather" again tomorrow. Can't wait! Exam on Monday. When they're over I'll be free for as long as I like!

23/10/82

Today we won netball. Saw "Sweaty Weather" again. Then went to see Strange Tenants. In the Age there are heaps of housekeeper/nanny jobs. One really good one (Seemingly) that I think I may look in to $200 pw (that's heaps for what sounds like part time.) Anyway, English exam tomorrow. I'm getting hair permed to tight ringlets when exams are finished. Mum said she'd pay. Night.

24/10/82

Today I tried to work. I did quite a bit. Have tomorrow morning to do some. Got references from [babysitting jobs] and tomorrow I'll photocopy them and send the application for the South Yarra babysitting/housekeeping job. Hope I get it!

Yesterday I only ate 1 slice toast, 1 apple and 1 small lasagne. Today all I ate 1 apple, 2 buns, casserole. That's all. One meal. God if I get this job, $200 per week, will take me about 7 months to earn $6000. Wowee. If I don't get the job, I'll get another one.

25/10/82

One exam down, FOUR TO GO. Very warm today, 29 degrees. Apparently to be 31 tomorrow. Yay. Sunbaking. Did exercises. Ate little (no lunch). Jubilee in 1 week.

26/10/82

Hot at moment. Today I bought COMPLETE MADNESS LP and a Camberwell bowling hat and grey braces. Not much work today. Do LOTS tomorrow! Must! Don't throw it all away just now. Sunbaked today - bit browner. Bloody hot.

27/10/82

Cold today, brrrr. Didn't go outside once. Worked quite well. History in about 9 hours. Today didn't eat too much, nothing fattening except 2 butterscotch lollies. Rolling Stones special really good. Featured Altamount tonight when Hells Angels killed a guy for knocking over their motorbikes. Really bad. *

28/10/82

History exam today, ok but stuffed last essay. Lazed by the pool afterwards. Did exercises. Ska night on Saturday at the Astor. Goodnight.

29/10/82

Today hectic. Sunbaked. Went to VUAC applied for Law. Went to Op Shop Victoria Street, Richmond and bought 4 growly pairs white socks, and one fab pair of striped men's pyjamas. Pants are great, so is top. Wear them tomorrow night. Chinese dinner with Dad. Got his dinner suit on way home, fits well. Pinning pants into jodhpurs. Have another Robert Ludlum book to read. Start tonight. Must get up early tomorrow and do psych. I MUST pass this year. Arts/Law '84 (even rhymes.)

30/10/82

After 12 midnight. Saw Dance Craze tonight at the Astor Theatre, St Kilda. and No Nonsense (Ska band). Really ace. I have a stack of things to read, so I won't write anything much. Besides I have to save paper in this book. Jubilee in 1 day! PS Lindy Chamberlain guilty of murder! Michael guilty too!

NOVEMBER 1st, 1982

Missed writing last night cause I didn't go to bed. Studied Psych all night. Exam this morning. Tonight I saw Jubilee for the 5th time, and Emanuelle. Now am in bed. Night.

2/11/82

Adam's 28th birthday tomorrow. Sunbaked today. Did History essay. Got burnt. Watched too much tv. Sickest movie on earth - Pacific Banana. Night.

3/11/82

Happy Birthday Adam! Wrote 1st History essay this morning. One to go. Sunbaked etc. Feel quite fat. Don't eat much! Sometimes (mostly) I feel ok though. Hot today. Hotter tomorrow. Goodnight. PS Sat Night Fever tonight.

5/11/82 Today I did most of 2nd history essay. Fucked around. Tonight we went to see Performance, very weird but I'm glad we saw it. Then saw the Man Who Fell to Earth, which was even weirder, but good. Only $3 for 2 shows. God. In town you pay $6 adult, $4.50 concession for one fucking movie. Can't wait until next Friday - less than a week. I am going to take my last TEAS cheque and buy lots of t-shirts and hobby-tex? ink? and do t-shirts. I'll also do a big round of the opp-shops.

6/11/82

Six days until I'm totally free from uni. I am going to be active and very busy - stop eating. One week since saw Dance Craze. Very hot today, 37 degrees. Hot for early November. (Can't wait to get to London. I've done thigh exercises every night for ages!)

SEE VOLUME 4 FOR MELBOURNEGIRL'S CONTINUING SAGA OF HER LIFE.

go on... it's so very fascinating!

* 2008 note - This is so coincidental. Today I was at Anne Altman's blog and she has a youtube link to this very incident. I watched it, chilling. Link here - Sympathy for the Devil.

there is a god

i have to take back all my atheistic ramblings, my offensive, sacrilegious and impious views, all my scathing attacks on organised religion.

for, you see, it turns out there is a god.

and this is the evidence of his goodliness.

(i always need some sort of hard proof to believe in anything.)

apols. to my believing christianic/judaic/islamic monotheistic friends.

my non-believing christianic/judaic/islamic/atheist bookish friends - good isn't it?

what a gorgeous, balmy night

i'm loving it, the warmth and the cool breeze off the beach is divine as well. we've had a lovely weekend.

i'm feeling very sorry for the lapthornes - their worst nightmare has come true. i fear my last post was a little flippant or something, but it wasn't meant like that. at least they have some peace now, maybe, or at least her father can bring her home. it's so sad, and touching, that he wouldn't leave without her. so hard for his wife to be here, and him there, and for them not to be able to hold each other and cry together. so, so hard. sometimes i get scared that something bad will happen to princess. i remember reading an article about the port arthur massacre, it was a couple of years afterward. maybe around the anniversary. and the mother of a young girl who was killed there was interviewed. i'll never forget the mother saying that she just doesn't want to live without her daughter, and that losing her was a blow from which she would never recover. at the time, princess was little, and i looked at her intently and hugged her close, and there was a great rush of fear, of catastrophe, of how i knew i wouldn't be able to survive something happening to her. it's beyond imagining.

to brighter things: yesterday was a riot of 10-year-old boys at the biggest slot car racing in australia. i was the only chick there, and if you want to blend in, along with having some testicles and a bit of a large tummy, you need a trucker's cap. nice. they raced and raced for an hour. i spent my time putting the cars that crashed back onto the tracks. the purple and the red ones stacked the most.

today saw us ending up down at the beach with the gigi for a paddle/swim. she's taken to chasing seagulls. as they are flying. i am worried she will either swim out to sea or take off along the beach to williamstown, and i wouldn't be able to get her back. then we had hot chips at street cafe.

i'm not drinking at the moment. while not officially doing ocsober, my self-imposed period of abstinence has indeed coincided with this noble month. i'm not fund-raising, merely trying to do some mindfulness-raising, and also looking to my health. and feeling fucking mighty about it too.

the other thing, today i bought diablo cody's book candy girl. i don't know if you've read any of her stuff. i know people were divided on juno. i liked it, mostly for michael cera's fabulous yellow shorts. but the acting was ace, the storyline, while simple, still held some unanticipated turns (always a plus for me, can't STAND predictable) and overall it was a nice little movie. how patronising. don't mean to be.

HOWEVER, i had read about diablo cody before the release of the movie and tracked her down online, finding her now-defunct blog, thrilling to her relationship breakup with the guy she'd met online (in some chat forum about the beach boys, and more specifically brian wilson) ooops this is a really long sentence, take a breath, maybe stop here. I found her myspace page which she now blogs from, and followed her through the end of filming juno, in the lead up to the release, through her book signings and appearances at stores in america (for her book candy girl, which is a 12-month memoir of her time spent as a stripper when she was 24).

now stop there. before you start saying things like "fuck off, i read memoirs of a geisha, there's been so much shit about hookers and strippers and junkies with their rememories" don't think diablo is like any of them. she's much more than belle de jour or whatever her name is.

this dame is smart. she is really, really smart and really funny.

go find her myspace and old blog and and you'll see what i mean.

she came along for me around the time ms fits finished. she is my replacement for ms fits (as is another blog of australians but i'm not going to talk about them here. i don't want it ruined for myself. it's all i need at the moment in the way of blogging. that blog and diablo. and a little bit of a certain poetess who has long dark hair.)

so, to my last item on tonight's agenda.

you know the diaries? my bad '80s diaries? well, i've just read ahead about six to seven volumes and pretty shortly, it all gets alot more interesting. in the sex, drugs and rock n' roll way. which is really great, and i tell you, for nights last week i couldn't sleep before 2am, it was unputtdownable and i'd lived it. (my bad memory also meant it was like i was reading parts of it for the first time - my theory is that because i wrote it all down, i allowed myself to relax and forget it. hell, there's a part where i say i bought blue boots. if anyone had asked me before reading that whether i'd ever owned blue boots, i would have said "shut the fuck up!")

ANYWAY, my dilemma is thusly. in terms of ethics, i have been shaving off names and using initials etc. i think now that things are to get a little more interesting i need to not include certain things. so while i've been fairly non-censoring (seriously, apart from just leaving out boring stuff*, and people's names, it's all been in there). but shortly, young melba is to meet the man who deflowers her, introduces her to certain illicit substances, and this is after about 10 months of solid band-going, where i would sleep at 4am and wake at 1-2pm. also, up until now, the blatherings of a young girl about adam ant are tame and it could have been any of heaps writing this shit. soon, there's stuff that might identify me were people to put things together.

the other thing is that clokes, although i read out stuff to him, i'm not sure whether this project is a good idea now we are about to get a little more adult, and move away from adam ant towards people like joe strummer.

i need to think more about it. i don't want to dilute this project (as it's become) but i need to be sensible about it.

your thoughts?

hope you had a good weekend.




* shut up. i know someone's laughing about this. i know some of it - HELL, ALOT OF IT - is boring so far. well, what i'm talking about is ultra ultra boring.

my current obsession

the latest thing that has me incredibly pre-occupied is the missing australian britt lapthorne.

i'm not sure why i am so interested. sure, it's a sad story, her family are beside themselves, so i guess imagining their pain and distress makes me feel really strongly about it, but usually it's stories about children who set me off in this way.

i've been thinking about it more today, and i think one reason why i am so interested in it is that i was once her.

i backpacked on my own overseas for a period, meeting up with great people, and having a wonderful time, from greece, to turkey, to israel, to egypt and beyond. while i was older than her (25), i probably wasn't that much smarter. i've done some stupid things (not saying she has) and i've been drunk in foreign places and fraternised with local men (also, not saying she has). jesus, i ended up marrying one.

i've been on the back of a motorbike in bali, driven by a local, both of us pissed on indonesian palm wine. i've been in dahab, south sinai, where everyone was smoking dope, except me, though i did drink. i kissed a kurdish boy in eastern turkey, also while drunk, in a hotel corridor. i've been driven in cars by strangers, met up with people who dialled the wrong number and wanted to take me for a drink, had eyeballs with strangers who i met on cb radio. that was back in the '80s.

all i'm saying is that friends and family would have probably called me sensible, even back then.

and all i'm saying is this is no reflection on britt - i'm just marvelling that i made it through.

here's what i think's going to happen, unfortunately. my reasonings are based on experience in turkey, when my mother was diagnosed with cancer while we were living there. it went from the doctor saying he was pretty sure it wouldn't be cancer, to stringing us along for days beyond when he would have reasonably had the pathology results. i had to push and push and chase for the result, and then be told on christmas night (once, he perhaps thought, we had enjoyed our christmas day, didn't need to spoil that seasonal joy with some bad news about cancer) finally, that yes, she did have cancer. there were no hard feelings, it was just unfortunate, and i really believe that he didn't want to be the bearer of bad news. i wonder if there is a similar cultural thing going on it croatia.

my gut feeling is that the body found recently will be britt. they've said it's too decomposed to be her, that it was highly unlikely (at the same time, notice, maintaining there was still a small chance, ie they couldn't completely rule out that it was her, needed to do dna tests etc) and now there are whispers that they got it wrong with another body found in water previously - that they thought it was an older body than it turned out to be. there are also whispers now that the body they found is of britt's height, has blonde hair and is female.

this is their way of letting the family down gently, not that there is such a possibility. their reasoning is that by saying it's not her, they are being kind to the family, letting them have hope for a little bit longer (all the while knowing or suspecting it will turn to despair). this type of thinking is culturally opposite to the way we operate here. it's similar in japan - traditionally they would outright lie to the dying cancer patient, or whatever, and only tell the family the true diagnosis/prognosis. and everyone would keep it a secret from the one person who ought to know.

it's a similar way of thinking - build up to the truth by a series of lies.

of course, as has been mentioned by britt's father, there are other elements to this story, which is becoming increasingly bizarre.

- the serbian nationalist with tattoos over his body being sent by the afp to help

- the report of the mother of the hostel owner trying to mail an australian passport from the post office the day britt disappeared

- the original baffling question of why people travelling/partying with her, left the day she disappeared, knowing she hadn't come back to the hostel

- why her mobile phone was found in her room, with a call made from it to the hostel owner's phone

- have we heard anything about the cctv footage? i'm smelling a cover-up.

and most freakishly for me, why did one of the friends she was travelling with leave a comment on britt's facebook page saying something along the lines of "that picture with you and the cake is the favourite one of mine :)" TWO DAYS AFTER BRITT DISAPPEARED.

that's weird.

and the whole thing is just awful for the family. i feel for her mother and her father so much.

i think we'll be learning very soon that they've found her, and at least her family can have some peace. they'll be able to bring her home but i don't think they'll ever find out what really happened to her.

7/8/82

It's about 4.14am. Have just returned from a night at the Venue, St. Kilda. Saw No Nonsense, Randy and the Roots and Strange Tenants. Was a good night. Met Peter from Void. Blah. Night.

10/8/82 Today's highlight - I bought some books on playing the guitar. Tonight was the last episode of Brideshead. I have to read the book.

11/8/82 Watched last episode of East of Eden. Sad. I'm rereading the Exorcist. Today I ate cut up orange, toast, 1 slice cheese, salad sandwich, spaghetti, yoghurt/sultanas, 1 apple.

Friday 13th August, 1982. Tonight, Deidre and I went to see Strange Tenants at TAFT, and the Routinos and No Fixed Address. Heaps of room to dance, Strange Tenants were on first.

I think I'll burn my diaries before they get too ridiculous to read.

14/8/82 Today painted and saw On Golden Pond. I want to grow old looking like Katharine Hepburn - she is so beautiful. Henry Fonda was excellent, really crusty and dry (he died yesterday.) I ate too many bad things today and my skin's pretty shitworthy but... nevertheless, life goes on. Tonight I begin my next Robert Ludlum project - The Holcroft Covenant. I'm feeling quite happy, tomorrow I shall have the house to myself and I can put olive oil in my hair.

16/8/82 Today I slept in until 2.30pm; did ironing; painted; watched Clint Eastwood in Hang 'Em High. Goodnight.

19/8/82

Here is a list of my favourite things:

Leunig's Monday Reflections
My teddy
Garfield
Coloured pencils (Derwents of course)
Autumn
Winter
Spring
Summer
Robert Ludlum books
My brother
John and Betty
Enid Blyton books
Wuthering Heights
Macbeth
Asterix books
Agathat Christie books
Charlie Brown
B.C. books
Adam Ant
Vincent van Gogh
Clint Eastwood
photos
stamps
the Paladin
Prufrock
Walt Disney cartoons
the radio
Strange Tenants
Midnight Oil live
Thelwell's books
paints
Thomas Hardy
my diaries
Maxwell Smart
Robert de Niro
frisbees
movies
Jubilee
Mick Jagger

Some of the things that shit me:
Split Enz
acorns under bare feet
spiders
knockers
university
Mondo Rock
lead singer of Spandau Ballet
Don Lane
Rev Fred Nile
hairy legs
pimples
Queensland

Hello, here I am again just writing for the hell of it, anything that comes into my head. I think I will go and play the guitar. Back again. It is now 10.45pm and I have just been watching Night Stalker, he is such a dickhead, chasing after devils, ghosts, zombies, you name it, he has met them...

Today I purchased another of my fascinating pieces of literature, this book titled In the Gutter. It has heaps of photos of the New Wave (I don't like the word "punk") and draws a parallel with the primitive tribes of the world, with their fancy earrings, noserings, paint and makeup.

There is also another book on music and one on the Rolling Stones that I have to buy, I'm addicted to reading them, I find them so interesting.

Today I didn't eat that much, one thin slice of bread and cottage cheese, 10 licorices and four triangles of pizza. Pretty good hey? And with all my exercise, I'm feeling quite healthy.

I am really enjoying "Sons and Lovers" I read quite a bit of it last night. I must go overseas next year, I can't bear to put it off any longer. I got my HSC and achieved what I aimed for... there is no point in continuing with uni, if I am not enjoying it. The main reason I took Arts was because I wanted to keep studying, but as soon as I get sick of it, there is no point in going on...

24/8/82 Am at Inverloch. Arrived about 3.30-4pm. The others got here about 11pm. We just watched tv, drank, played scrabble, drank, played cards, drank, talked, drank, listened to the radio, drank, did handstands, drank. Now it's about 5.30am and I'm feeling a bit pissed (make that very!) After 3 scotch and dries, 3-4 beers, lots of nuts, choc bits, bics and cheese. Now I'm going to re-read Dick Francis "In the Frame."

I am dreading going back to uni BUT I MUST. I have to get through this first year before I think about next year. On the weekend, I want to read Brecht, Ibsen, Travesties and the other play. I also want to do some stats before I go back. YUCKY-POOZE. I dn't want to! I really don't, but I WILL and I MUST. I must keep happy or else all will fall apart. I need strength.

2/9/82 Yesterday I worked at Glenferrie Rd. then came home. Then I caught a taxi to Domain Rd and we went to see Street. Absolutely fabulous. I think I can safely say the best stage act I've ever seen. There, at St Martins, were lots of people, one called Julian who looked like Roger Taylor of Duran Duran fame, and was wearing leathery dacks and a tartan kilt (sort of, very short, wrapped around but not fully going all the way round) and very, very cute. I thought he was much older than 16 years! The atmosphere there is really good, I can imagine the fascination that accompanies it. P suggested to D that I move in when L moves out, but we'll have to wait and see.

Today we went op-shopping. I spent $14 and I got a dark brown cord jacket (v. nice, $7.50) one pinky summer dress (v. nice, $3.50) and one pink cocktail dress (which doesn't fit me but I knew that, for $3. I want to hang it on the wall as art, I think it's so cute.)

8/9/92 It's 3.50am Have just returned from taxiing people home from the Beach Ball. It was really good. Strange Tenants were really good, in their Hawaiian shirts, INXS too were great. Party afterward at Punt Rd, good but me really tired.

Punk Doll

Last week I bought
my favourite niece
a cute little doll
from a punk toy shop
on the Kings Road.

When you twist
the safety pin
in her rosy cheek
she vomits and shouts:
fuck, fuck in a tinny voice.

(the doll is pretty strange too)

Roger Mc Gough.

10th September, 1982

Stayed home today, sorus throatus. Watched midday movie, something I don't think I've ever done before, "The Night that Panicked America" Orson Welles and Co. read a play by HG Welles - "War of the Worlds" over the radio and heaps of peopole thought the earth was being attacked by aliens and panicked. I had seen it before.

Reading "Clockwork Orange", hopefully finish soon. Tonight I watched The Taming of the Shrew, which I've seen most of before, but I love it anyway. It's so ROMANTIC!

12/9/82 Watched Clint Eastwood in Bronco Billy tonight - really good, touching, emotional. He wasn't as cool as normal eg Dirty Harry movies. He wasn't infallible. Tomorrow I'm going to see Evelyn Krape in Female Parts then to Inflation.

I would like to write a play sometime. I was thinking about that today, in fact today, I daydreamed alot. Sometimes I write things, and they click, sound good. Other times, there's no special feeling (like now.)

I'm pretty tired and my throat's hurting. Inflation the other night was interesting. Julian, wearing a frilly shirt, very Duran Duranish. He seems really up himself, reminds me of Edward, never in the same place for more than 5 minutes. Painful. Now I must go and do my Chekhov essay.

18/9/82 Apres 4 o'clock. Tonight it was a killer - a real gas. We went to see Void. Afterwards, e went back to the flat for coffee/tea. Then we went to a party - there were about 20 of us in the group. D knocked on the door and it was answered by a smooth, posh sophisticated lady who said the guy had "gone out." What a sight we must have been - eager faces, etc. Then a man came to the door (the boy's father) in his Playboy robe (mmmm) looking a touch cheesed off. BY this time most people had run away laughing, and in the end it was only D talking to them. Then we went to the Royal, Prahran, but it had closed. Then we started to follow J's car with D and S behind u. We lost both of them in the traffic, we pulled over eventually and waitied for them. Instead we met Julian and Co. We all decided to go to Inflation and get Inflated, thinking J et al would go there eventually; we did, and they did. We boogied till about 2am then walked to the Afradisiac. Then we came home. I haven't seen mum, I crept in very quietly, she's probably asleep. It was a really good night, everyone seemed nicer for some reason. Tonight also the crowd was better than Monday, not as blitz. A few executives in business suits, and one guy in white tux and red, yes RED, legwarmers. Fark.

24/9/82 Today I bought a pair of lady's french satin and lace knickers to wear as shorts. They're truly fab - $20 at "Boom Boom" in Greville St, Prahran. I also got Strange Tenants Mini EP for $5.99. The knickers are a lovely oyster grey with pinky coloured lace around the legs. Really big and baggy, must have originally belonged to a really BIG lady - FAT.

25/9/82 Good relaxing night, no tv! The Age today had some good places, cheap ones in St Kilda. I love my shorts! They're fab. God I love the Bollocks album, it's one of my favourites, I play it the most. I can't think of anything else much to say. Goodnight. PS Carlton won the Grand Final.

ROCKTOBER SECOND 1982.
It seems like 6 months ago at the most that it was last Rocktober. Adam was immediately influential, in every thought. Blah, blah, blah. Fri we looked at some flats en Elwood, too far away from St Kilda. Reading Mommie Dearest by Christina Crawford. Not the Nine O'Clock News the other night was so good, John Mc Enroe "I did NART slurp my orange juice!"

Can't be fucked writing any more. Read my book now. I'm rich - $7.50 from babysitting.

3rd Rocktober, 1982
Watched tv all day, Davis Cup tennis, John McEnroe is unhappy. He just doesn't seem to be as alive as a year ago. Not because he's more demure on court, he just looks sad all the time. There's no life or energy. Poor thing.

5/10/82 Slept in today, what's new? Super heavies on weightlifting tonight - Neville Daroga from India, Bob Emerson from Australia, Ironbar Massey from Nigeria, Dean Lukin from Aust (Gold!) Humble, sweet tuna fisherman.

8/10/82 After midnight, so really the next day. Tonight we went to see Sweaty Weather. At long last, it was everything I expected it to be. Wonderful I can't begin to explain it in detail. I liked Pimpronella and Camoedine. Julian was good as the spastic boy Prodo.

13/10/82 Am going to see Madness Friday week.

"I hate beer, I hate France, I hate posers, I hate eating..." [captions to photos of J. Rotten downing beer, in France, posing, and with a fistful of sandwiches.]

"We are totally against apathy of any kind."

"Groups like the Who and the Stones are revolting..."

" They try to ryin you from the start. They take away your soul. They destroy you. 'Be a bank clerk' or 'Join the army' is whay they give you at school... You're never told what you should be told. They fill you up with so much shit - you soon find out that Keats was a disgusting old fart... I look at my old man as he's watching tv and think 'God, what a mug you've been'... I don't see what's good about working in a factory. It's not hard enough and the more problems you have, the better. Me, I never stop complaining. Everyone should question things and thats unheard of these days... I don't believe in marriage, mortgage or houses in the country. It's awful. It's disgusting. All these bores who have crawled out of their little surbiton huts... The only constructive thing left for them to do is to kill themselves... You've met one, you've met them all... I just get so fucked off with those bastards who love to put you into slots... Anarchy is self rule and that's better than anything else... If everyone accepts everything in the same quantities, that's meaningless. But that's what happens now. People wear clothes very similar to those of their friends. They're just not thinking. It's the attitude that matters... I feel sorry for people who stand up for what they believe in and get kicked in the teeth. And that's what would have happened to me if I hadn't joined the Pistols. I would have been locked up, put quietly away, classified as insane... I know I'm not mad, can you say that?"

turn away if you will

last night i was in bed and reading through this diary i have, the old one. it's marked vol. 3 and i have to say there are more than 20 of these things.

i read the last few pages to myself in bed last night, while clokes was reading david sedaris next to me. i was laughing to myself (at myself) and reading out bits to him.

i said "did you have this sort of anguish and self-absorbed shit going on when you were that age?"

"nope"

"any reflection at all?"

"nope"

"what about now?"

....


"well, get ready for it from the girls," i said.

and now, for your reading pleasure, more diary goodtimes.

--------------------------------------------------

26/6/82 Sinner. I have missed the last 2 nights. Nothing to say so why bother? Time - 1.55am. Tomorrow I intend to embark on some academic study. Today we lost at netball; tonight I went to the Bush Inn (and hated it, it's such a trendy scene! Couldn't STAND it!) Then we went to see Strane Tenants at Fitzroy North. Now it sounds as if it's raining outside. I'm in my snuggle bed - fresh sheets, plumped doona and blanket, Teddy and book. Life is truly fab! On Monday at 3.30pm I'm getting a haircut. Thrills! First time I've been to a "hairdresser" for about 3 years. It won't be radical, cause that's too common. It'll just be me.

27/6 12.05am. In about ten hours I will be in my English tutorial. Today I drove the VW to Kew, came back, had lunch, wrote out my Politics tute paper, watched television etc. Watched first Peter Sellers Insp. Clouseau movie tonight, it was VERY funny. Here is my ballad I wrote in English Lit. last year. I found it today and I like it: -

sorry, it needs modification. I'll write it in later. Tomorrow I'm getting my hair cut. BLAH.

28/6 10.40pm. Only early! Watched TV today. Got my hair cut - it's fucking awful. No comment on anything else in my life except I'm ugly.

29/6 2am. Only one class at uni today. Hair improving. Roamed Carlton (bought Clash's first record) and then came home. Just been looking through the old nostalgic photos. They're so good. Going out to Le Joke hopefully tomorrow night. Working for Dad tomorrow. Ate chocolate today - no more for A WHOLE MONTH. 60c worth more on the 29/7/82!

30/6 Went to Le Joke tonight. Was ACE MAN. "Master of Ceremonies" was absolutely superb. very funny indeed. Slack day today, went to Ashy shops blah blah listened to the Clash: the record's on my mind. It's SO good. Amazing how much interesting music exists. I want to go to a party on Saturday night but I have to babysit. I'll see if I can get [brother] to take over after Dancing Class. Hope he will. YAY. Back to French Lieutenant's Woman.

1/7/82 I've just bin flicking back: 4 months ago exactly I started at uni, 3 months ago was April Fool's Day, 2 months ago up at the farm, 1 month ago, the Police were on 3XY Music Hour. Today uni = bearable. I escaped to Lygon St, resisted chocolate. Haven't had spag marin for a while. I'm really enjoying Fr L Woman. Today I bought Monkey Grip and the Paladin. Tonight I talked to mum about moving out next year. I mentioned it to Dad just then on the phone and he said he'd been thinking about that and he's got a plan. I have to remind him to tell me on the weekend.

2/7 Cold today. I bought Sex Pistols record - $4.99 el cheapo. Uni ok. Went to see Lady Chatterley's Lover by myself. I enjoyed it. Mellors was beautiful.

3/7 Went to see Monkey Grip again with Dad and the others. Drove Beetle back. Went to 21st party and then some of us went cruisin' the Lygon St. Then came back here and I've just taken the others home. My skin (since eating chocolate - Crunchy last Saturday, and chocolate last Tuesday) has got rawther bad so I'm not going to eat any more and I'm keeping to my diet. I have to get up by 9.30am and go work at Glenferrie Rd.

4/7 About 11pm. I'm sitting in front of the tv watching the Wimbledon Men's Finals. Yay, John Babe just aced Jim Suck (John McEnroe vs Jimmy Connors). 1st game, 1st set. I worked at GDS today, Dad said he's thinking of buying a house around Richmond/Collingwood/Fitzroy. I can live there - growly! Yay John. Have to go now.

5/7 Still after midnight. Johnny lost Wimbledon. I couldn't get up this morning so I slept in and missed English and Psych, I worked at Hawthorn GDS and started my Psych Slab Report tonight. I'm up to date with my newspaper cuttings and everything's fab. I just plotted my dreams for the last 6 months and the results are incredible! As time progresses, I am having more and more dreams each month. I record every dream I have and I seem to be slowly training myself to remember them and even have them. Training and exercising my "subconscioius". Freud would have been proud of me. The thought of moving out next year is so exciting. I love to think of it! What furniture? What paining? PTO for my ballad written last year in Eng Lit.

UNNAMED BALLAD

'Twas through the devil's depths he rode
Along the cobbled way
His tired limns numbly ached
As he returned from bloody fray.

He eased his searing wounds
And cleared his fevered brain
By thinking of his one true love
And cherishing her name.

She came to him in a scarlet vision
Her hair alight with gold,
She seemed so rare and beautiful
But then he did grow cold.

"Oh, my love, why are you tainted so?"
The noble knight was pained
As her smoky eyes did fill with tears
She bent her flaming mane.

He looked toward his castle
Upon the fiery hill
The redness swelled around his nest
And in the heat he chilled.

"Could it be that those I fought
Have ridden up behind,
And sieged my love, and home, and kin,
Oh God, what shall I find?"

He marched heavy-legged and silent
Through the ash and ruins
He found her in the bed-chamber
And sank down in his gloom.

"Is this my reward for warring,
To keep my country whole?
Virtuous that I am,
Only to lose my soul?"

The crimson stain of her kirtle
Was the colour of his blade
Her cold slumber caused him falter
As his lips softly bade her
Goodbye.

6/7/82 Uni today AOK. I seem to spend a lot of my time on my own at uni some days. Today I saw no one of my friends. I saw Psych Boy (Dad) at the lunchtime concert thinky. Maybe this is a hopeful exaggeration but he seemed to be looking my way quite a bit. I've got lots of songs on the brain.

7/7/82 HAVE JUST FINISHED FUCKING PSYCH SLAB REPORT. It's about 2.30am and I'll never make it to uni tomorrow before about 1pm. Today I ate far too much. Strict tomorrow. Think thin. Got mad today cause I missed WROK and fucking computers wouldn't work. Anyway nearly finished FLW. After that, Monkey Grip.

8/7/82 Today I ate far too much! Scrambled eggs, 1 muffin, orange juice 1/2 glass, bread 1 slice, cottage cheese, yoghurt. CARAMEL THICKSHAKE. 3 servings fruit salad.

Stupid fucking idiot! You'll put all the weight back on again. Tomorrow you begin writing down what you eat again. And I'm not going to let you undo all our good work. I'm not going to. IDIOT! You're to weigh your food, eat the right food, and right amounts.

S U C K.

9/7 Drove to uni again. All the miscellaneous pinched objects were set out for judging: heaps of traffic and road signs, some traffic lights, a police sign, many orange witches hats, a wet-chek vending machine, doors of phone boxes etc. Then the "Ironman" competition. Contestants had to skull glasses of white wine, champagne, stout, beer, claret, port, liqueur and brandy, more beer, and more beer and more beer and cold meat pies until each chucked and was forced to withdraw. It got louder and louder and drunker and drunker. A jock in specs won officially but I think there were others who should have won. They all ran around screaming "I've won!!!"

Tomorrow I want to get up early and go to Fitzroy/Collingwood/Richmond and check 2nd hand shops (esp. one in Richmond).

18/7 On the way to uni today on the radio there was some guy talking about how his mother kept a diary from 1939 to 1945 (World War II) and how when he reads it, "memories come flooding back." Hopefully that's how this little project will work. Also, I want to make myself as aware as possible of all that happens and I'll be able to remember everything by reading this. If I get married, the partner will have to be really funny so we can laugh all the time. I miss my mental kaks with [neighbour] and [brother]. They're all too few and far between. I want to get some songs together on a cassette so I can work aerobics to it. I also want to learn drums. I really do, I think it'd be terrific but it's a commitment that I don't know. People wouldn't take me seriously. I wonder how much a kit would cost? What a gas!

B is for BLAH!

22/7 Time? Between 11 and midnight. I have done my exercises and stuck to my diet. I have stuck a picture of a slim girl with a lovely bathing suit on my wall for inspiration. Also a nice pic of Clint Eastwood - so rugged, tough, macho. Uni today quite lonely. I wandered Carlton, I feel good around there - at home, comfy. I'm still so excited about moving out: independence and fun. I'm also looking forward to summer: t-shirts and un-hairy legs, messy hair, watermelon, cool showers. I seem to be always longing for the Future, positive that it will bring change or happiness. I must live for today. But at the exact, current present I'll continue reading The Matarese Circle, or as [brother] calls it, The Mattress Circle.

24/7 Between 1.15 and 1.20am. Today I ate 17 thick licorice sticks (proper healthy: non sugar) but boy, I think tomorrow I'll have chronic laxative complications. Didn't go out tonight, instead stayed at home like a dag and listened to cassettes, after watching some of Charlie's Angels. N came for tea tonight, and I've just been talking to him about music - we always amiably argue. He's seen the Rolling Stones, Moody Blues, Pink Floyd live in London "lucky cunt" and I'm so jealous. Got a touch depressed tonight - loneliness. If it had a few less letters it'd be a four-letter word. It's so bad man! All I have in life is my interest in music (records), books, travelling, my health, family, humous... that's all: my friends I s'pose (begrudgingly). I don't really love anyone, and I think I want to. How can I meet people? The only thinkg I like doing at the moment is escaping from university to Lygon St. It's like another world.

27/7 Didn't do my exercises tonight, but tomorrow I will. Ate a bit too much today, but tomorrow I won't. Do this, do that. Where the fuck are you at? I owe J 2 beers (pots) will pay her back Friday. Myst go now and read Dick Francis Reflex. Getting extremely exciting.

28/7/82 OKAY YOU FAT UGLY BITCH. YOU ARE STICKING TO THAT DIET. IF IT'S THE LAST FUCKING THING YOU EVER DO!!! HEAR ME?? FAT COW. FUCK YOU CUNT.

29/7/82 One month since I last ate chocolate. BIG FUCKING DEAL.

Problem - "the problem is you. And what ya gonna do!"

I feel empty, lonely, ugly, revolting, bored, boring (?), lazy, bitchy, fucked up.

"I get violent, when I'm fucked up
I get silent, when I'm drugged up."

What am I going to do? with myself? with life? The most important thing in my life is "Sons and Daughters." Fuck all. My swearing is getting worse, or better whichvever way you look at it. All I do is sleep, eat (not much) watch the TELE-FUCKING-VISION, READ ESCAPIST NOVELS, GO TO HOVEL-VERSITY, HANG ROUND WITH FRIENDS, GET MAD, GET ANGRY, GET DEPRESSED. Why don't I DO something? I know what. I'm not going to write it in this piss-shit book. It's my secret. I'll write about it when I'm doing it.

old diary goodtimes

20/4/82

I have just finished tidying my room and organising myself to begin working seriously. I covered some English books, and even though Term 1 has nearly finished, I'm ready to work at my reading. I've got 2 & 1/2 weeks to do my first history essay which is fairly important, I think. That time will fly so I must get stuck into it! I've worked out a homework timetable. My god! It's as bad as HSC. (No, it isn't really.) I got my photos back today. The ones of A are fab. Better than I could have ever dreamed. They're really clear. I looked at the first few and couldn't believe it. Just started screaming (well, softly) and then I looked at the next, and the next and next and they just got better and better. Last night (or this morning) I dreamt and I'll quickly record my nocturnal imaginings. I think I was at RMT (on a beach) and I was wandering about. Didn't know anyone. Walking with some girls on the beach, some boys started following us. I knew they were going to try rape, but they told me to piss off. So I ran away and tried to get help before the other girls got hurt. I ran to the RMIT buildings. Borrowed some boy's bike on the way. I can't really remember but then I was in an orgy on the beach, sort of in an igloo. Lots of people on the beach were watching. I wasn't that involved, I watched too. Weird. I remember thinking I could have sex because it was a dream, but I didn't.

21/4/82

I think I've got my period - I can feel it! How thrilling. [High school] won the athletics sports today for the first time since 1969 - 13 years. [Sister] won everything practically that she was in. I went to spectate with Dad. Chatted to "the kids" from school. Dad took us kids to Dragon Phoenix tonight for tea - I well and truly stuffed myself! No lunch tomorrow and I'm serious. You are not eating lunch tomorrow. Then tomorrow night you are going to write in this book that you didn't have lunch. You are going to be truthful.


22/4/82

Went to dinner tonight with old school friends. Topo Gigio then to pub near uni. Peter R there, John Thompson, Alistair (from CIT) all there. Danced to Ant Music. Great night. Uni today ok. Shopping with L today, splurged on school tunic. I love it - it's different.

23/4/82

Have just returned from a PARTY at Jeremy's house in Clayton. Great rage. Best dance in weeks. It receives my ***** award. Today I ate 3 apples, that's all until dinner. Then I had bread, peanut butter and casserole and was stuffed. I think my tum shrunk a bit. I picked up my tunic today, it's really fab, I love it because it's like a little girl's dress. It's my Divinyls Image. I wore long white sox, my leather shoes and white shirt underneath. WE danced HEAPS. I'm really buggared but I must get up at 9am. D and J keep spotting curly Psych man. Often he's alone and always smiling. Will I ever know him? A week ago it was the wine and cheese party. "Seems like forever".

24/4/82

Managed to do quite a bit today. Shopping with the Daggy Family this morning. Won at netball (rode there and back on bike) and watched tv -what's new? And had a visit by S this evening. It was really good to see her. She got her license yesterday and drove [sister] and me to town for ice crea, We cruised around and had a fun night. Ate heaps (S's a bad influence where food is concerned.) I'm going to Monash Uni's War Ball on Monday night - should be "interesting." Dad's ringing tomorrow, I'm doing some work and alot of driving. I really must get onto my school work on Monday arvo.

25/4/82

Woke up late. Dreamt about Duran Duran all night. Worked for dad, wasted the rest of the day. Did exercises tonight.

26/4/82

Too bloody cold to write anything. I've got a sore throat, can't talk properly.

28/4/82

Missed writing yesterday. Sick with laryngitis (or so mum thinks). My voice thinks so too. Funny dreams last night. Sexual and also I was at some audition, for a play (musical). I bombed out. Great hey. Don't think I'll be going to uni tomorrow.

29/4/82

"You've... got... a... face... like... a... lab... ra...dor! I... don't... that's... what... I'm... here... for... The... Ang... el... Ga... rie... l... sent... me... here... to give you a little... bit... of... sym...pa...thy... ooooooh! I'm... gonna... take you... down to... Holly.... St... oooh, such a shame you had that crash, that'll teach you to drive flash, apple power, you're blood gushing like a shower..."

What a song. Today I heard on the radio that 3Xy are looking for designs for an album called "Undiscovered" - 3XY's basement tapes - demos of songs of Melbourne, bands which sent them to 3XY to see if they could get on the record. So I designed a cover, and sent it in. Worth a try. That's what I did all day. I finished reading the Castle and now I'm reading Death in Venice.
Both weird. I'm going to uni tomorrow.

1st May, 1982

Late at night. On Friday I went to university, it was ok. Then we all went up to the farm for gran's birthday. It was great. Late night. Got up at 8.15am this morning - rode motorbike, horse and drove car. Came back to Melb (boring!) played netball (we won) and then went to Dave Kelly's party (from whence I only just returned.) Went out for spag. marin. in the middle of the night (I hadn't had dinner_ then went back to party.

I love it in the country. It's great, I want to go back. I will.

3/5/82

L, D and I went to a play reading at Melbourne Uni, it was really good: FUN. and then ran up to see the Church at Union Night, $3 to get in and the band were quite good. I wasn't in a raging mood. Madness's "It Must be Love" is so excellent. I wish I had someone to think about every time I hear that song.

Today was an interesting one. L came by at 8.45am and down at the station showed me a joint she saved for me. So... after my last lecture (at midday) we went to the park near Lincoln Institute and sat among the roses. It was American stuff and pretty strong. I got an immediate buzz - not strong just like being drunk a bit. I was lying on my stomach and then I wondered whether I would feel sick - then I started to feel sick. I dry retched twice - it was so pathetic. I only psychologically gelt sick, the more I thought about it. Then I sat up and felt better, as soon as I forgot about feeling sick. I felt really heavy and tired. WE just sat there - L more affected than me. I nearly fell asleep. We didn't say anything much - I felt myself rocking on small waves (I thought it was just the wind). My eyes were closed and I was just about to ask L if she was rocking when she said to me "Do you feel as if you're rocking, very slightly?" I just screamed. It turned out she hadn't been doing the same, but had just seen me. I wasn't even doing it, my body was. Incredible. Everything was louder - magnified, intensified. L brought out a stick of incense and I smelt it from feet away. It was windy yes but I'd never have smelt it otherwise. Even when she'd put it back in her bag, I could still smell it. Then we went up the other end of the park (near Lincoln's corner with Swanston) to wait for C. As we sat there in silence I saw a bird zoom around the side of me and zoom past my chest. I yelled and laughed. L couldn't believe it. She said that the bird had actually flown past about 2 minutes before I responded. I couldn't believe it! To me, I'd responded as soon as I saw the bird fly past, but L said she'd been watching my face and I didn't seem to see the bird when it flew past my face. Then 2 minutes later I yelled. It was weird. Then I staggered to Glenferrie Rd to work and then came home. I was ok at work, it wore off.

4/5/82

Can't really be bothered writing today, so bye.

5/5/82

Worked for dad today. Said he's interested in me becoming 2nd director of GDS. It's pretty exciting I suppose. Mum shits me - it seems she might be getting cold feet over N. FUCK she's fussy. Hope it's not serious. As for me, why haven't I met someone that I like? Will I ever love someone? Burning question. My history essay is getting me down - I can't get it started. Tomorrow I'm going to ring driving schools and get my license. Then I can be fully independent.

6/5/82

Twelve o'clock and tomorrow I break up for 3 weeks. But before I relax at all I have to get this fucking History essay done. Kenny Everett was the best tonight. Must go and read "Light in August". It's good. I'm enjoying it immensely. Can't wait to get license. Tomorrow I'm ringing driving schools to enquire.

7/5/82 Didn't go to uni today. Woke up with a sore throat but it sort of went away after 11am. Slept in til about 1pm. I've written alot of my essay. Didn't start til 9.20 pm last night. Went to dinner with dad - no spag marin! Went to Cafe Sport restaurant in Lygon St. Tomorrow I'm going to book a driving lesson for next week, if I can. Can I be bothered getting up for SOunds tomorrow? Yes. Eight hours away. Night.

8/5/82 I have finally finished my fucking essay! It's ready to be typed up now which I'll do tomorrow at the office. Actually it's Sunday already, the time being about 2am. Mother's Day! Today I played netball - we lost! Played top team, we were 2nd on the ladder. They were too young (av age = 14 years) and too fit. We put up a pretty good fight though. Serious stuff. L and J popped in this afternoon to say hi. They're going away on Monday lucky things. Tonight D and I went to town to catch a picture but we didn't get in so we came home (via 711 and purchased very sick Mother's Day cards) and watched Clint Eastwood movie, listened to records and read latest Adam literature. Excellent. D went about 12.30 and since then I've been finishing my essay. Apparently ADam has another tattoo on his back the word being F U C K - done by a mate with a razor blade. mmmmm. There were some very interesting tidbits hidden away in these interviews in the magazines.

10/5/82

Handed in my essay today! Finally went to uni with J to do my footnotes and bibliography in the library. It was really bad - she hadn't started writing. Has to be in by 9am tomorrow. D rang in a frenzy. The Adam info had arrived from UK - a big, thick brown envelope. And it's truly excellent. I booked some driving lessons with RACV today. The guy (instructor) sounds pretty ancient on the phone. First lesson is 2pm Wed. Hopefully I'll soon get my license, what fun!

11/5/82 Slept in very late this morning/arvo. counted 505 A pics in my possession. Watched SO MUCH TV today - disgusting. Didn't go outside the house all day. First driving lesson tomorrow, should be ok.

12/5/82 Driving lesson OK. Mum out tonight. I'm waiting on a dream to come true - sitting around. Still lonely. Still empty.

13/5/82 Jubilee tonight was good. Adam = superb as ever. Part where laughing - braces getting pulled, face - "ow!" Cheesy grin. Good movie. First show called Rude Boy featuring the Clash. Weird. No storyline. Involved a roadie come drunkard - heaps of loud musak. Went back to S's for coffee/tea. Then came home.

14/5/82 Late Friday, actually nearly 1am Sat morning. I'm reading Playboy interview with John Lennon and Yoko Ono, it's really interesting. Going to Buller tomorrow with S et al. D and K coming too - should be really fun. Another lonely day and night - Mum and N out again. Going shopping with mum tomorrow morning. I'm "in the money" from TEAS. Night PS With a bit of luck it'll be snowing in the mountains cause it's so fucking freezing down here at the moment.

16/5/82 Yesterday I went to Mt Buller with S, R, N and D. It was quite fun. Enough snow to throw but not to frolic or ski. Lodge (PIT - Preston Institute) was very nice. Didn't get much sleep however. D and I squashed on single bed top bunk. Pretty interesting conversation in car on way back to Melb. Seems everyone's got confidence (ego) except me - to an extreme. Get my meaning? No - OK! I don't really care because I get my meaning even if no one else does. I've got to show I like myself which I do (truly) but be confident that others do to.

FUCK.

18/5/82 I've got to stop my sleeping in so late! But this morning it meant a very interesting dream was , in fact, experienced. It was set in some kind of big building [omit boringest bits] There was one scene that happened later on and it sticks in my mind the most. We were at a gig and the lead singer was Adam. he was wearing a dark brown thick cord peaked cap. During the last song, we were standing at the back of the room. It was a small area, and the audience was very calm and quiet. As Adam was singing, I waved to him from the back, over everybody's heads. He smiled back. After the show, everybody cleared out and Adam was about to go. I ran to the front and said "Adam" he turned and came back. I shook his hand congratulating him on the show. He didn't have any makeup on, perhaps that's why no one else recognised him. Talking to him I felt nervous and stiff. Someone else came up and talked to him and me - they were much more natural. Then he had to go. I shook his hand again and later I regretted not getting his autograph.

19/5/82 IN an attempt to break my holiday rut today I rose at 9.15am and cooked myself an egg - the first egg I have ever boiled in my life. Walking to the shops today I felt guilty for being young. Everyone stares at me, maybe it's my clothes. I posted the letter to Adam. No comment. Had my 2nd driving lesson. I have to be more aware of everything as I'm driving. Not only what's in front of me and behind me but what's on the side of the roads, other intersecting roads, etc. I've got 2 more lessons. See how I go then. Tomorrow [sister's] getting her hair cut and I'm driving the Passat down to Inverlock. My god! With that fucked gearbox! Should be good practice. Without tv down there hopefully I'll do some work. TV is the demon in my life now. I watch far too much. Must limit myself.

20/5/82 At Inverloch now. Wuthering Heights weather. Tonight I drove down in the Passat with canoe on top, rain and darkness. After tea, [sister] and dad took dog for a walk and [brother] and I drove around Inverloch. Was fun. Lots of driving practice tomorrow. I've got a nice trashy novel to read tonight to the sound of the pelting rain outside. Sis got hair cut today it looks really good.

21/5/82

Sitting in my bed... today I read the 3rd best novel in the world (in my opinion) by Sidney Sheldon called Rage of Angels.

1. Wuthering Heights
2. The Godfather
3. Rage of Angels.

It's great! I can't bring myself to think about uni work. I'll have to go in next week and work. I just don't seem to have any interest - it's lost all of its relevance and importance. Time flies down here at Inverloch. I'm driving with Dad and [sister] back to Melbourne tomorrow for netball and then coming back down on Saturday evening. Going back to Melb Mon morning. Plenty of practice wot!! I think I should be doing something I'm really interested in. Reading this book, I identified so strongly with Jennifer, the main character, a lawyer. The way she cleverly managed some cases were incredible. and extremely intelligent. Perhaps if I were doing law I would be more interested, devoted and committed. I'm too casual with what I'm doing at the moment. I think I'm in my first crisis of life - whether it be a matter of personality/identity or just plain happiness.

22/5/82 Back at Inverloch until Monday. We won netball (26 - 21). I was in a rut AGAIN about uni today. After talking to Dad I feel more enthused about the whole thing. I've decided I'm going to do well this year and get into law next year. Law would be really good I think (I've always thought so) At the moment I'm reading another really good by Robert Ludlum, the Bourne Identity. I haven't read much as yet but it's got me in.

23/5/82 Today, woke late. Read. Went for best walk on best beach in world. Collected shells. Read some more. Dad and I had Chinese takeaway at drive in (I drove there and home). We saw James Bond in For Your Eyes Only and Inspector Clouseau in Revenge of the Pink Panther. I drove home (minus L plates, they wouldn't stick on cold damp windows) Going back to hustle n' bustle of Melb tomorrow. This book I'm reading at the moment is really good.

29/5/82

D and I went to the Aberdeen Hotel in North Fitzroy to see Strange Tenants. Excellent dance band, sound like Madness, very boppy and energy packed. Trumpet and sax are great. They're just a bunch of normal boys who stand on a platform and make music. Afterwards one of them announded a party over the microphone as D and I left. We got approached by some Irish? Scottish? English? men. One danced with me, he looked like a Beach Boy - quite nice. Not too pushy. Didn't hang around and bug me. Today we won netball - BIG SHITTY DEAL! I worked on my politics essay. Myschedule was to get it done by tomorrow and do my English from now on.

It is now 12.40am exactly 12 hours after last entering my thoughts into this trivia log. I've finished my politics reading/notetaking - now all I have to do is write the essay. I went to Monash library today and the Kafka books are there. They exist, yes! Mum's going to borrow them for me tomorrow night.

31/5/82 Officially now it's winter, ta daaa. About 1.3oam. Worked with computer today - 3 frustrating hours ended up crying and hitting the desk in rage. Very annoying. Fuck it's cold - I must stop swearing.

11/6/82 Just come home from babysitting. $9 for doing nothing. Not bad. Uni today OK. Fuck! I'm running out of trivia... shit! I can't wait for Wed. I'm not dreading it, but I'm anxious. As long as I'm careful and don't rush I'll be ok. Cast party on Sat night (tonight) should be fun. Nearly stuffed my diet today, had to really resist not gorging at lunchtime. Instead I bought a pear for dessert. Had spag marin for dinner and an orange and tomato juice. That's all folks. Not many calories at babysitting. Wow. I've actually managed 11 lines of trivia!

12/6 Highlight of today: saw American Werewolf in London. I enjoyed it. End all trivia.
Dream - I had a job in a big department store, I was really happy.

13/6/82 Trivia time - I went to Monash Uni today to get Pol. nbooks. Wow, that's incredible you say. I wish I could have gone with you. Tomorrow I'm going driving with dad to Oakleigh. I hope I get my license! I'm anxious in that I keep thinking about it. I think my instructor must have been tough on my last lesson so as I wouldn't get too confident - believe me, I'm not! If I get my license on Wed I can use the Beetle. God, if I don't! I 'll just have to make sure I DO get it. It's up to me, as long as I'm really careful and cautious. Think of the 000 000s who get theirs and I'm not a bad driver.

15/6/82 Today I go for my license in about 12 hours. What a week of stress. My pol. talk went ok. At lunchtime before the pol. tute D and I went up to the ANZ bank and then looked at shops in Carlton. There was an Ishkary sort of shop with a clothes section. D was looking at the clothes and I wandered over. Immediately, I saw it. The jacket I've been dying to have for ages. Bedspread material, lined, big, warm, floppy. Exactly what I wanted. Couldn't be more perfect. There it was, all made and ready. Nice and homely, not starchy and new. It's incredible. I'd even bought an old bedspread to try and make one and then I buy one. I aksed how much - $35. Mmmm, I said. Alright, $28's the lowest I can do for you. She said OK! Yay! I Bought it. So exciting. If you look up last night's dream you'll see I went into an Ishkary clothes shop and loved the clothes - premonition? Could be. Have to go and paint my right fingernails in order to prepare myself for tomorrow. I'm putting my plan into action. If it works and I get my license, I'll record the details of my plan tomorrow. If not, well...

16/6/82

12 midnight. Trivia time is OVER cause today I have something truly earth shattering to say. I got my driver's license! And I have the Beetle until Sunday morning. Tonight L, D and I went to Le Joke and laughed. It was fab. I love driving the bug. It's so boppy. My examiner was really nice and I only got 4 pints off. Yay. I'm driving into uni tomorrow. Yay.

17/6/82 End of all trivia, definitely. Today Michael S took D and I to see the bodies in the medical building. We walked and there was a gigantic bathroom - rows and rows of basins for scrubbing up. Then, we went into where the corpses were - a gigantic room with rows and rows of tables and rows and rows of white-sheeted forms. Michael walked up to a table and pulled back the sheet saying "this is my body". The head had been cut open to get the brain out, the back had been opened too. Because it's half way through the year, the bodies had all been pretty well delved into. I walked around getting Michael to lift the sheets, cause I was too scared to. It was creepy. Sometimes I could see plastic covered wrinkled feet sticking out from the ends of the sheets. Some of the faces were grimacing as if death had been painful. It was the first time I've seen dead humans. But for some reason - they didn't seem totally real. And againa, they did. Weird. I was half expecting them to come to life like in the movies. It was very interesting.

I drove to uni today. Such an experience. Dropped [brother] at school then continued up Barkers Rd to Victoria Parade and parked off Elizabeth St. Easy parking. Drove home. Went to [sister's school] but picked up S, S P and K home. My diet's going really well. I can tell I've lost quite a bit of weight and I'm determined to lose even more. Tonight Dad lectured me (kindly) on the beetle about how careful I must be, especially in rainy wet weather. It's very dangerous (potentially) driving when it is wet.

21/6/82 Stayed home today. Couldn't face uni. Gary Glitter last night was an experience. He was like a walking joke - acting like a sex symbil, wiggling his fat arse, baring his fat chest, blowing kisses, like Elvis before he died. His voice was shocking and could hardly be heard. But I enjoyed myself all the same.

well, talk about bad

in the comments section in the post below, perseus makes some good comments re geelong.

the wheels fell off, and now everything feels like it's back to normal.

you see, THIS is the normal state of existence for a geelong supporter. failure, crushing disappointment and depression. the 2007 premiership was an aberration, it's clear now to me. THAT was abnormal, THIS is normal. cats supporters wouldn't have known themselves the last twelve months. people would have been making all sorts of bad business/financial/romantic decisions. with the centre of their world so skewed, it would have been hard to keep upright.

but, now it's all ok. only now can a geelong supporter move on and start to make rallying comments that often include the phrase "next year". [my dad would hate to think i was kind of rubbishing them here. but i'm not. not really. dad's tried to find this blog - i wouldn't give him the url, mainly because i've called him a cunt on here a couple of times.]

i do feel sorry for gary ablett. what an awful week for him. watching him after the game, i think in that moment he realised what his old man went through all those times. when he'd come off the ground, and young gary and nathan were there, maybe saying things like "why couldn't you just win, dad?", and gary senior saying "you just wouldn't understand, son."

well, now i think he understands.

not taking anything away from hawthorn. they played well, they saw an opportunity and took it. good on them.

there was an ugly letter in the paper yesterday about the sunday appearance at kardinia park of some of the players, who wouldn't engage with the crowd, who looked hangdog and embarrassed to be there. half of me wants to say, well so they should/would. the other half agrees with the writter of the letter who made the point they are professional sportsmen, and need to give something to the fans even if they might not be feeling up to it. i agree with that.

but apart from that, all is well in my world.

manicure is good. pedicure is fantastic. yes, ms batville was right - as smooth as a baby's bum.

we are back home from the beach, the weather is gorgeous. i'm up to date with washing, i worked alot on my story while away (no internet will do that, you know. no internet = increased productivity.)

kids go back to school monday, i wonder if i'll be as busy this term?

also, for those interested i have almost finished the people of the book. commenters who said was awful are absolutely correct. i am finding it fucking atrocious. the writing is bad, particularly the contemporary voice. awful. i haven't yet identified the kebab sex, can someone please let me know if it's earlier in the book? maybe it's yet to come, as the story comes to a climax? there has been a lot of bad sex, and i can't believe the lesbian sex in the harem. so poorly done. so cliched. just awful.

having said all that, i am not struggling through it, i'm reading it and i will finish it.

on a brighter note, i read a david sedaris while away, short stories (articles) and chuckled and grinned my way through it. fabulous. will be buying another of his to offset the next brooks book. if there is another. i am determined to read one more to make a decision about her.

stay tuned - more bad '80s diary, it's been a while.