and the oscar goes to...

 

















worst nose - owen wilson. you know it's true and he nose it's true too.

best gown - tilda swinton. i mean look at it. it's as beautiful and mysterious and silky dark as loch ness.

best speech - diablo cody. at the end, just going "gah" and having to run off. i notice that she seemed to ditch the spesh shoes that were organised for her, and gone for flats. good on her, you go girl, don't sell your soul to the hollywood man, etc.

funniest presenter - anne hathaway. she was better than steve carrell.

most delicious female - marion cotillard. nice frock too.

people who you know you would have a fantastic time in bed with - jonah hill and seth rogan. together even. it would just be too funny you wouldn't even get to the sex which would be just fine because you'd be laughing too much and that would be better really than even being there with pitt and clooney, say.

worst gown - jennifer hudson.

worst boobage - jennifer hudson.

best richard wilkins brush-off - nicole kidman.

most nervous - katherine heigl. come on, the first rule of being nervous in front of a crowd is NEVER ADMIT IT. i would have been more relaxed than her.

best lover of everyone, and smiler and emoter - laura linney. was she the only one they could get the camera on who was smiling for most of the event?

people i would have wanted to hang out with afterwards - daniel day-lewis, tilda swinton, marion cotillard and javier bardem. come on, admit it, you know it would be great.

GIDDY UP, AUSTRALIA. IT'S NATIONAL SORRY DAY

go kevin

sorry is the first step

to me, there's something epic about knowing that at the moment, and in days past, there has been a slow but steady trickle of indigenous people, travelling to canberra for tomorrow's sorry day. it's a moving thing, and a sad thing, that these people have to travel great distances, simply to hear an apology. but it's also breathtakingly evocative; indigenous people on the move in this beautiful country, wending their way towards what will hopefully be a moment that helps them heal, and makes them realise that there are a lot of people in australia who feel sorry and want reconciliation. a proper reconciliation.

some people deny there was a stolen generation, let alone generations. despite the intentions of the governments during the period of child removal (1910s to 1970s), and whether people were motivated out of kindness to remove children from abusive/neglectful family situations, the impacts on people's lives have been devastating at worst, and "affecting" at best. how can this be denied? even if it was considered in the best interests of these children, can people not realise that it can be said now, without falsity, "well, we got it wrong. we meant well, but we fucked up."

clearly there has been a whole range of experiences for those children taken away from their families. but for some, for many it seems, it remained a blight on the rest of their lives. it's not easy being indigenous in this country - it's unjust when experiences like this just add to the hardship.

and the hardship continues as we know. i'm thinking the sorry should cover past stuff, from invasion onwards, and to today, that somehow leaders in this country can't get it right when it comes to the inequity across many areas (all areas?) faced by the indigenous population of australia. but there seems to be hope. today we are waiting for the apology to be made, formally, tomorrow in canberra. who knows what might come next? perhaps some real policies which translate into real, sustained, beneficial action.

now. let's all be sorry tomorrow.

it's a sweet, sweet week for us left-wing, bleeding heart losers.

the only thing that would make it sweeter would be to see this on the front steps of parliament house:

but i guess, realistically, one dream is enough for the day.

robert manne's position

andrew bolt's position

restoring white havaianas

i'm being a lazy blogger but also trying to kick-start my other blogs - big tips and food musings.

i've posted the following on big tips but thought i'd get more suggestions here.

maybe not.

ok, so i know it was a mistake to buy white havvies. i know that now. but the fact is that the black ones i bought at the same time i bought the white ones, are long dead. and the brown ones i bought after the black ones died, broke yesterday. yes we were walking up fitzroy street from checking out the festival of st. kilda when the bit that goes between the toe snapped just outside that coolsie bar on the corner of fitz and canterbury rds. no, not the prince, and not the terminus and not the chemist [that's not a bar you fool] but the other one. while gigi was trying to get in the door past the rather slim bouncers, i kind of twisted my foot and snappo. so my brown thongs are now in the bin outside that bar.

so i had to walk barefoot home.

do you realise how dangerous this is in st kilda?

do you realised that within a 200 metre radius of the pig and whistle/elephant and wheelbarrow place there are a billion shards of broken glass?

anyway we got home without me slashing my feet.

and then i went and got my grotty, dirty, grubby, blackened "white" thongs out of the cupboard.

they are horrible.

but until i get my next pair [i'm going brown again. it's my fave colour] i would like to try and clean these ones.

yes, i've tried an old toothbrush with some sort of ajaxy powder.

any tips?

when the celebs come out and endorse american politicians

if you were an american presidential candidate, who would give you more endorsement credibility?

george or ric?

babs or jenna?

i was amused by a piece in the age yesterday, which detailed who the celebrities are rooting for in the current u.s. presidential nominee primaries.

check the list:

hillary clinton - barb streisand, steven spielberg, jack nicholson, carly simon, janet jackson, hugh hefner, magic johnson, jerry springer and jenna jameson.

pretty predictable apart from the pornographers. mildly interesting.

then for barack there is oprah, gorgeous george, will smith, halle berry, stevie wonder, robert de niro, forrest whittaker, kathleen turner, toni morrison, gene wilder, ethel kennedy and maria shriver.

also pretty predictable.

for john mc cain there is arnold schwarzenegger (married to maria shriver, oooh, potential republican vs democrat election-night tension there), sly stallone, tom selleck, rip torn, general norman schwarzkopf and screenwriter joe eszterhas (sliver, showgirls, basic instinct.) i can see a bit of a theme here, tough guy macho mixed with sexploitation-type b-grade movies.

and then there's that scary wife, featured today at rywhm.

for me, the most interesting candidate is mike huckabee. firstly there's that surname, which none of us can hear or read without imagining this:

then there is the fact that mike huckabee reminds me of gomer pyle:

no really, he does.

look again.

for mike huckabee there is chuck norris and his wife on youtube telling people to vote for huckabee, rocker ted nugent and pro wrestler ric "the nature boy" flair.

who looks like this:

and whose wiki file includes the following fascinating information:

Finishing and signature moves

Figure four leglock
Knife edge chop, usually with Flair shouting "Wooooooooo!"
Belly to back suplex
Chop block
Elbow drop to the knee
Inverted atomic drop
Running Knee drop
Shin breaker (Used normally to set up for the Figure Four)
Stalling double arm suplex
Standing Vertical Suplex
Step over toehold
Small package rollup

Signature illegal moves
Various roll-ups while holding tights or with his feet on the ropes
Eye poke
Low blow
Thumb to the eye
Testicular claw

Other signatures

Throwing an object down (such as his suit jacket or Mick Foley's autobiography, due to their rivalry) and subsequently dropping an elbow onto it.

The "Flair Flop", where after being pummeled (usually in the corner), he will confidently stride out and look to have regained his composure, only to flop flat on his face.

After being floored to the mat, holds his hands up whilst kneeling down submissively and begs his opponent not to strike him (often yelling "Nooo!" in the process); thus catching them off-guard, and usually then resulting in a low blow or a thumb to the eyes.

Being caught and thrown off the top turnbuckle whenever he tries a move from there.

Being thrown towards the turnbuckle, flipping over the top rope and landing on the apron, followed by one of two things: 1. Flair runs along the apron to the next available corner, climbs to the top rope where, almost always, he will be grabbed by his opponent and body slammed back into the ring; or 2. Flair runs along the apron towards the next corner, but is clotheslined (either by his opponent or an opposing partner in a tag match) before he gets to the corner.

Nicknames
"The Nature Boy" Ric Flair
Naitch (Short for "Nature Boy")
The Dirtiest Player in the Game
The Man
Limousine ridin', jet flying, kiss stealin', wheelin' dealing, son of a gun
Space Mountain
The Sixty-Minute Man

i rest my case. surely there can be no better candidate.

also, i was thinking if celebs were to come out of the woodwork here in australia and endorse political candidates, who would they be?

a few thoughts i had. for mark "bad boy" latham, hiding just off-stage where we didn't see them, might have been chopper read, mick gatto and joe korp?

for john howard, perhaps eddie mcguire, guy sebastian and darryl somers?

i don't know. any suggestions for current politico dudes?

my day yesterday

1. when you know it's not your car-space, don't park in it.

and then when i park behind you, to block you, so that you have to go to all the apartments in the block to find out whose car it is, and i am amiable about moving it, don't fucking tell me that i was inconsiderate to not leave a note telling you which door to knock on.

you were the inconsiderate one.

i was very considered, i knew exactly what i was doing, i knew that if you had to knock on all the doors, you might be less likely to do the same thing again.

don't be huffy with me, when you are in the wrong.

and don't think just because you are older, have a beard, are male and talk like a university lecturer that you can intimidate me. you have no idea who i am. mr.

2. brushing the gigi is like working a fairy-floss machine. i just don't know where it all comes from. if you live in melbourne, and somehow find a floating whisp of white fairy-floss-like ball, DO NOT EAT IT. it is from the gigi.

japan part 2

i came across some notes i'd made and shoved in one of my books from japan-times.

this is a list i made, early on during my stay. there are two sheets of paper, with a line drawn down the middle. on one side, the heading "strange or bad things" and on the other "positives".

note how i somehow equalled "strange" with "bad". i don't think i think like that any more. now i like the strange, i embrace the quirky, i seek out the odd.

i guess i've grown up.

strange or bad things:

• staring on trains, everywhere!
  rude to eat or drink in public
• slow walking
• banks, post offices, etc really slow, inefficient
• sniffing and hawking
• pissing on the street
• women let men sit down on trains. men don't give their seats to the elderly
• squat toilets
• women laugh and eat behind their hands
• no public affection
• fruit and vegies so expensive
• no birds (but they have crows)
• crazy drivers, no footpaths
• people don't give way on the street. Bump into people, don't say sorry.
• 180% squashing on trains
• no brown bread
• pins and needles from sitting on the floor too long
• cold showers
• hard pillows
• bikes ridden on pedestrian walk
• so inquisitive, want to know everything
• pollution
• over-packaging of food
• flowers expensive, $1 for a single stem (eg daisy)
• tasteless toothpaste
• newspapers expensive, ¥120-160 for flimsy 6-10 sheets
• $6-7 for a beer in bars
• long-staying gaijin turn Japanese
• Cosmopolitan mag costs $15
• no ovens
• Tokyo suicide line
• Japanese game shows
• 1 yen coins - nuisance
• no pepper in restaurants
• sewer smells on street
• only hair colour in shops is black
• separate slippers for balconies and toilets
• people sleeping on trains
• gloved train stuffers
• gloved taxi drivers with automatic doors and pristine white seat covers
• vending machines (condoms, beer, wine, cigarettes, batteries, porn movies, hamburgers, hot and cold drinks. Beer open until 11, 11.30, midnight.
• taped "I've been working on the railroad" soundtrack on the Hanshin train line
• short ironing boards
• tiny houses/flats
• kids go to school 6 days
• militant boys black school uniforms with brass buttons and inch-long haircuts
• girls' bucked teeth
• old men wearing pantyhose
• alcohol stench on trains
• cooking with gas only
• if moving into a new flat, you give 3-4 neighbours white towels and soaps
• take gifts if invited to a meal
• suit system: begin a new job with a company, start with blue suit. colour graded thereafter.
• men: affected speech where their intonation goes down saying "horrrrr" when responding to something amazing or interesting or unbelievable
• women: affected speech where their intonation goes up saying "mmmmm" like a plane taking off, in the same instances as above.
• family sleeping together eg. mother, father, 13-year-old daughter, all in one room.
• all the men have a little wallet/carry bag
• women carry one small shoulder bag and one large store paper bag with handles carried in crook of arm
• women have amazing skin - so youthful
• overstaffing in shops
• tiny shorts on boys - hight-cut and horrible
• taking shoes off everywhere
• pandering to children, especially boys
• 98% literacy but everybody reads comics on trains, even businessmen

positives:

• tissue packs handed out on streat
• trains efficient
• clean
• safe
• food
• cheap shoes
• cheap cigarettes
• companies pay for employees' transportation
• gomi system
• nice pastries
• cheap ice creams (nice)
• tap water okay
• cheap spirits
• food presentation in restaurants is superb
• bentos
• hot towels
• heated toilet seats
• mood lighting (3 phase, including candle light)
• sliced bread is so thick, the equivalent of 2 slices at home
• consumer society
• everyone well groomed and nicely dressed
• nice yoghurt
• specially marked arrows, circles and triangles on platforms at train stations. Depending on which train is arriving, you stand at a certain symbol to line up. Everybody follows the system.

interesting how most of my positive points are to do with food, drink and other vices. i love the appearance of "cheap shoes" at number 6 on the list. and free tissue packs at number 1.