big brother uk

i have missed the boat with the bb here, so apart from occasional shows here and there i don't think i will invest.

however, thanks to the power of ms fits, and her magic linkages, i have just spent some time viewing the wonder that is bb uk.

one character stands out for me. if anyone is ever going to murder a person on bb, i think this girl, nikki, is an out-front leader of who might be the victim.

check her out:

audition tape

nikki in the diary room

"i'm a caged chicken" - rant number 1

"i need bottled water" - rant number 2

"water continued" - rant number 3

is she for real? or is she a vicki pollard character who has been sent in...

the thing, it be done.

1. thesis is at officeworks. will be ready for collection by 4pm, three copies, bound with black plastic cone, clear acetate cover and black back.

2. i forgot to spell check it.


I KNOW
I KNOW


but don't worry. i remembered while i was relaxing in the bath, so got out, got back on the horse and spell checked the fucker.

3. i got up at 6.15 this morning to have the disk at officeworks at 7am.

4. last night john and i got indian take away, set the table with linen, lit candles and opened a bottle of champagne. then we at the last two donuts and watched the tape of prison break.

5. gigi is back to 100 percent, she is jumping out of her skin and ready for a walk. i haven't done anything about the wood other than to collect up what she was chewing and all the bits. will keep a close eye on her.

6. we watched the six feet under tape. what the fuck? does anyone remember nate having a brain tumour scare in one of the earlier seasons? i have the feeling that something very bad is going to happen to all of them. keith and david and the kids will have a bad car crash when they go on holiday, or plane crash, or something. claire will get murdered by billy. ruth and her new-old friend will get savaged by bears in the woods, where they have just arrived to go camping. rico and vanessa, i just don't know. house break-in? brenda, don't know. i don't know anything, but i have very bad feelings.

7. i cried when casserole died on neighbours last week. i did it discreetly, but i didn't want to look at princess because then she would start bawling too, and we'd both be a mess. i confess to really loving neighbours.

8. i also confess to watching a big brother, i think it was friday's show. then i watched some of the friday night games. i watched a couple of big brother series in the early days then was put off big time by hearing poles were installed in the house last time [sorry nadine] and that the girls were really skanky. i don't need the impressionable minds around here (mine included) to be exposed to the ideas that to be a woman you have to be sexy, and that's all you've got to offer. anyway, this current crop seem ok, i was impressed with the girls and their survivor-food-challenge type of iron guts, so i can see i will probably get sucked in. and then need to visit bevis to get up to speed on all things big brother '06.

i think that's all for today.

oh no, a few more.

9. number of items to read on my bed: 2 x mags, weekend papers x 3.

10. length of time i will stay in my nightie* today, at least two more hours. i want to see afternoon and still be in bed.

11. number of lunches i am going out to this week - 3. wednesday with my supervisor, thursday with my girlgang, friday with my bro and mum. so, yay me.

12. i expect i might have a psychotic reaction to being finished. a kind of anti-climactic flatness that might manifest in being gloomy and snappy and wanting to eat too much. has any one else done theses, etc. and found this to happen?

stay well, and has anyone fed the cotton yet?

and does anyone know what's happened to locket?










* before any of you (not looking at bevis) says "oh, but didn't you go out at 6.30 this morning? Did you wear your nightie??!! Hmmmm?? Hmmmm???" I say thusly:

i put it back on when i got home. got back into bed. read. got up to blog. and now am heading back.

friday update, plus krispy kreme depletion rate stats.

sorry, but i have to keep this really business like.

hence the list:

1. there are 4 krispy kreme donuts left in the fridge.

2. gigi is on the up and up. i have cleared wood bits from back yard but at the moment she is lounging on her bed in the... lounge.

3. princess is home again. she is sipping on a honey and lemon concoction which tali's grandmother from school told me about.

4. i had morning tea with a friend. we ate two scones each, and half a spinach and fetta pastry thing from one of those chain bakeries that i detest.

5. we discussed going to the gym and walking/running regularly together.

6. we also discussed frock hunting and scrapbook making for wedding.

7. i haven't had a scrap book since i was in love with this man:









8. featuring adam ant twice in one week on my blog is a bit excessive, don't you think?

9. tammiodo asked who adam ant was. some people gave some info. in the comments section of a previous post. but for a more comprehensive answer, read on. adam ant, aka stuart goddard, was around in 1981. or that's when he started to get a bit more successful. he appeared in a punk rock* movie called jubilee, by derek jarman. adam had screen time totalling about 3 minutes, but i went to see it three times with naomi when we were in hsc, in 1981, at a dingy, shady cinema in town. my other friend di and i would raid the local newsagents for these sort of fold-out magazine things that were imported from england, cost a bomb but had the best pictures. i don't know if she made a scrapbook, but i know i did. i was 17. i got as many of his records as i could. singles. lps. we're talking vinyl here, kids. some of the sleeve artwork was incredibly fuelling to a young girl's crush fantasies, such as these:



























his early songs were really different to his current stuff (at the time) and i felt adventurous and special because i hunted them down and listened to them and knew the words. i remember some lyrics:

"blood gushing, like a shower, plastic surgery!"

um, that's all i can remember.

i went to both his concerts at festival hall, wearing blowsy white shirt, wide piratey belt and skirt of some description. this went well with my black, suede, pixie boots, a la duran duran. i hunted high and low for those boots, and managed to find them somewhere in the city. they were my pride a joy. simone and i bought a picture story book of waltzing matilda, all tasteful and arty, and wrote in the front of it. something friendly and grown up and not at all crushy. and put our phone numbers. and addresses. and went to the southern cross (hotel which is gone now, but might be coming back?) and was allowed through the throngs of on-heat girls to walk it into the front desk. the girls stared at us like they wanted to stab us. we were in our school uniforms too.

then it all went horribly wrong. no, he didn't call. no, my fantasies did not come true. but that's not why it all came crashing down. it all went sour because the next album he released was this one:










so what? i hear you say.

look closer:











when i had fallen in love with a highwayman with a jacket like this:




















how could i love a fop? so it all came to an end. i don't know what happened to the scrapbook. i wish i still had it. i've still got the records. they will come out one day.


10. i have to call officeworks and find out the turnaround time for printing my job.

11. john is going to the footy tonight. i guess i'll be thesising.

12. i think that's all. so much for the brief list. i spent far too much time on the adam ant bit. but it needed full explanation. it's the least i could do, considering the history.





* for some reason, this expression makes me sound like a nana.

the house of doom

time for a quick update on all things melbournegirl.
as it stands, i have one sick child at home (different to princess, she is back at school, and another is now home).
i feel i am not well, but holding it off so i can get through the next few days.
one sick dog, still. but she is so much on the improve, fingers crossed. thanks dxxxx for your lovely thoughts and non-prayer wishes. i don't do the prayer thing either, but am moved to speak of prayers when things go all black. i don't know why, i believe in the power of what would otherwise be known as prayer.
i apologise for this terrible writing.
yesterday the vet x-rayed the gigi, and said either she had an obstruction, which they would only confirm by opening her up, or colitis, which is inflamation of the colon.
[STOP PRESS I JUST REALISED HOW FUNNY THIS IS.
BEVIS????
THIS TYPE OF COLON NOT THIS TYPE (:), OKAY?




i'm not shitting you, we have a colon thing going on, on all fronts here.
the x-rays showed huge, loopy, gaseous intestines, but were not conclusive in terms of an obstruction.
so a very sad and ginger and droopy puppy was sent home with mummy. she ate some dinner last night, a small amount of raw chicken mince and cooked rice stirred through. wolfed it down. she is taking pills, shoved into the food, and i have to syringe 20mls of pink gloop down her throat and then of course as she swallows it, it spills out of her mouth onto my hand.
i won't tell you about the diarrhoea.
mother love.
but she is perkier than she has been in days. she lies on her bed and manages a tail wag when i talk to her. the vet said she tried to bite him when he was examining her again before the x-ray, and she was whimpering in pain as i held her when he checked her nether regions yesterday morning. but she didn't try to bite me.
thesis is going ok. i have to hand it in next wednesday. my supervisor is taking me out to lunch, to discuss the next step, maybe applying for a research grant together, with another academic. might be good.
and guess what. john arrived home from work last night, amongst the drama (mine), the exhaustion (mine) with a huge box of krispy kremes. the mixed dozen. we shared two last night and then i got indigestion and had to have a glass of milk before bed.
but they are sitting there, in the fridge.
i'll be good and wait until i get the other two from school, and we can share a couple.
back to work.
number of krispy kremes left in the fridge: 10

in the last hour of the marathon, she stumbles

i need to make something clear.

when i said i did not find george clooney in the least attractive, i was joking.

joking, people!

clearly my powers of humour are failing, as every bit of energy i have goes into making this lode-stone of 30,000 words which is hanging over my head, stretched across my shoulders like an obese cat, breathing down my neck, coherent.

so all the clarity goes into the thesis, and none remains for me to live my life with.

so sorry about that.

just to re-cap. george is such a big spunk that i even dreamed about him last night. it was one of those dreams, sorry cloke, where the romance is the focus. it's like there is something special there; it's not about sex. there might be a little bit of kissing, but absolutely no raunch. it's all about sitting closely together, whispering to each other, feeling warm and protected.

i hasten to add all these needs are well met in my life, but george managed to sneak in there while i was asleep and completely unable to kick him out of my dream.

better than steel wool, i say.

so, to the marathon. imagine you have trained for the commonwealth games (i'll use that as an image, i figure the olympics would be more for a phd scenario). you are winning, you are almost there, and then as you are dredging up all your reserves of energy and smartness, not to mention thesaurus-like Skillz, your child wanders onto the road. she is crying, with arms stretched out, saying something about feeling hot and shivery, and that her eyes are going to pop out of her head if she moves them. you can see that she looks flushed, you are sure she has a temperature.

what do you do?

do you ignore her, send her to school, and push on.

that is not possible. you stop the race, cradle her to your bosom and put her to bed, carrying trays backwards and forwards the length of the house; tempting offerings. you keep her home from school for two days (and counting). she is so sweet, she apologises for being sick, says you are the best mummy and that next time you are sick, she will take as good care of you, as you have of her.

you keep looking at the pile of work.

but it's not that bad. you have made it sound worse than it is just to write a blog post. for this is the stress, the pressure, making you elaborate in this way.

it will all be ok.

days to submit: 8

keep well everybody, and will someone please feed cotton?

six weird things or habits about me, it's a meme for pomgirl

gee it's been a while since i got tagged. i think i have a reputation for not liking them. i don't mind doing them, but i don't like tagging people. ever since the last time i tagged someone, and it all got a little crazy, i guess i have avoided it.

i struggled with this list. i couldn't think of things, but in the end came up with some. all are true and i'm sorry if some freak you right out.

here are the six weird things or habits about me. or maybe they're not weird. maybe just not every-day.


1.


i know the words to most of the songs on the first side of the evita album. the original, with julie covington.




2.
often in the back of my mind, while i'm going about my day, i have a visual backdrop of certain spots around my old school's playground.
i thought it was weird too. i've only just realised i do this. it's like a song stuck in my head, but less intrusive.




3.



i used to have dreams where i had something like steel wool stuck in my throat. i would just breathe around it, and be pulling it all out. sometimes it would be pins. there was no pain, just inconvenience.






4.

i am obsessed with clipping articles from the newspaper. this can range from a good leunig, to pieces on all sorts of things. i have archive box upon archive box of them, going back years and years - to the 80s. some are inspirational and i like to collect oddments. others are political. others are human interest. some are funny.

clearly i am going to be an old lady with purple hair, too many cats and papers piled high in my death-trap flat in another 40 years.





5.


i have been left a pair of white shoes in someone else's will

i can't be bothered finding the actual reference itself, you'll just have to trust me. certain readers can vouch for this. i know there was some jealousy.






6.



i don't find george clooney at all attractive.



















had you there for a minute, didn't i?


ok, my real number 6 is this. it's a true confession of massive enormity.....




once upon a time, this was the man i loved most in the world.









what a spunk!





do you want to know what he looks like now?

are you sure?

[sobs uncontrollably]

this week's six feet under. you know the drill, don't read if you don't want it spoilt.

i'm so scared about how all this is going to end.

looks like brenda and nate are on the out. what the fuck is he thinking of? maggie hovers alluringly [so, perhaps, he thinks]. we found out this week she's a quaker. not that there's anything wrong with that, but why does she have to be a quaker? will it become relevant in some way? do they not believe in medicine, and so when her son was sick did she refuse treatment for him and let him die?

perhaps this will be revealed soon.

brenda is rightly pissed off with nate; when she said to him "just do what you want to do" she went straight to the crux of the matter. he never seems to do what he wants to do. he doesn't seem to even know. but his return to the family when his father died, his getting involved with the business [remember, david was pissed off that nate had seemed to just run away and left him having to work with his father] is perhaps another example of him doing what he thought he should do, which might not have been his true preference. again, with lisa; she got pregnant and he obviously thought the right thing to do was to marry her and make a family. which so didn't work either.

so what now?

i think ruth is realising that she has perhaps acted rashly; although the way george went off and got himself engaged so quickly is an indication that he really is not stable himself. remember, ruth is wife number 6 or something, so this is a pattern in his life. perhaps it's a cycle of being mentally well and getting his shit together and meeting someone, moving fast with an engagement and marriage, then things fall apart mentally for him, the marriage ends, and so it starts again.

vanessa and rico. shit, the writers just don't want anything to wrap up nicely do they? that's what i love about this show. the creators don't succumb to the easy option of the hollywood endings.

keith and david seem to be getting it together. out of all the vignettes, maybe these guys are going to be the ones to show how it is to live your life well and make good decisions and commit to things. truly commit. perhaps keith and david are going to be the only ones to triumph?

and claire. the best thing about this week's ep was the realisation that her work crew have got this in-joke going where they say "yeah, baby" in response to almost everything and everyone. it was done so subtly at times, where the voice volume was low and in the background, but still there's this chorus of "yeah babys" happening in the background, the foreground, everywhere.

love it.














yeah, baby. love it.

days until i want to submit my thesis: 7

days until i have to submit my thesis: 12

what do you think?

howard is in washington to plant trees with his good ole boy buddy george, and have a bbq on the ranch mayhap?

i wonder whether they will talk about uranium, and nuclear plants, and australia possibly being involved in a leasing arrangement where we lease uranium to other countries like china, and then we take the waste back for storage or disposal of here.

australia has a third of the world's supply, you know.

and what about this little item in the paper today, just tucked away from the front page stories of howard, and nuclear waste leasing agreements:

Nuclear plant plans
Indonesia plans to build its first major nuclear power plant by 2015 and has been offered assistance by four foreign companies... [The Indonesian energy minister] said companies from South Korea, Japan and France had offered to provide technology, but did not specify the nationality of the fourth company.

so what do you think?

1. South Korea

2. Japan

3. France

4. ???

this article mentions china and russia as being committed, along with south korea, japan and france, to helping vietnam build a plant.

oh, the plot thickens.


and from an online article written in 1995:

One regional actor who has sought to play down public concerns about the Indonesian nuclear program is the Australian government. A document from the Department of Foreign Affairs and Trade, leaked to Australian environmental groups, glossed over many concerns about the plants. In addressing the issue of seismic risk, the document notes that "all modern reactors are designed to withstand severe seismic activity" and "the probability of an accident producing even a small release of radioactivity to the atmosphere is extremely low.

and tellingly, this paragraph from the above article:

Australia government support stems in part from the fact that, despite its non-nuclear power policy, the country supplies uranium to some of the world's biggest nuclear utilities. Australia would find it embarrassing to challenge nuclear power plants close to home when its uranium fuels nuclear plants around the world. Australian uranium mining companies have already hosted visits by BATAN officials, with a view to possible contracts early in the next century. Australia also plans to sign a Nuclear Science and Technology Cooperation Agreement with Indonesia. To date, the details of the agreement are being kept under wraps and it will not be debated in the Australian Parliament. Foreign Affairs officials concede that critics might see the agreement as a legitimization of Indonesia's nuclear plans.


do you smell something?

it seems to get worse:

Apart from environmental concerns about the nuclear reactors, critics are challenging the operational and financial structures of Indonesia's plans. One worry is Indonesia's technical ability to operate nuclear reactors. "Indonesia doesn't really need nuclear power; it's an extremely expensive and difficult technology which even technologically advanced, wealthy Western countries have had real problems with. It's dishonest of these countries to allow a technology to be built in Indonesia which has failed or is now rejected in their own country," says Dr. Paul Brown of the University of New South Wales, Australia. "There are real questions as to whether Indonesia has the technical infrastructure needed to adequately support the industry," he says.


so who is doing who here?

It will be Japanese and American engineers and technicians who oversee this project. This is a form of technological colonization.

oh the japanese and the americans. now i'm starting to understand.

When the Indonesian government takes control of the reactors, they will be 15 to 20 years old, a mature age for nuclear plants.


gulp


The government will get limited additional service out of the reactors before having to bear the substantial cost and risk of decommissioning them.

i'd say ripped off.

These are matters that Indonesian academic George Aditjondro, currently at Murdoch University in Perth, Australia, thinks should be discussed as part of a wider development issue in Indonesia.

clearly still hasn't happened.

It's part of a push to get new technology, particularly certain Western technology, without thinking through the environmental consequences," he says.

great.

Whether Indonesia's nuclear plans proceed depends on many factors. The World Bank has said that nuclear power is the last energy option that Indonesia should explore.


the last energy option that Indonesia should explore.


Even B.J. Habibie, Indonesia's research and technology minister and the man behind the current push to build the reactors, was recently reported as saying that nuclear power will be given "the lowest and last priority" over other energy sources. Last year, the Indonesian Environment Minister Sarwono said he did not expect to see nuclear power in Indonesia in his lifetime.

short memories, or long lives?

President Suharto, who has previously given unconditional support to the project, has urged caution. "We have various energy alternatives, and with good planning we must increase their utilization, such as hydro energy and wind power that are abundant," he told a May 1995 mining and energy conference in Jakarta. "We are aware of big risks in using nuclear energy, especially if it leaks. Therefore, we need to study very closely the experiences from other countries in nuclear power use."

clearly they've done that too

Jakarta's enthusiastic view of nuclear power may be fading. This gradual recognition of the technology's environmental and financial risks may prove too powerful for even Mitsubishi and Westinghouse to overcome.

you reckon? i'd say not.

this article also mentions some of the same players; there seems to be a pattern here. surely they aren't all moving into position to gang up on australia.

nah, not possible.



[goes back to watching mindless tv, becoming obese with diabetes and skin cancer and drinking far too much alcohol, while smoking lots and lots and voting in liberal governments over and over.]

of boots and men

now that the miners are safely out, and the media are intent on spoiling everything, i did tell you so, i can relax back into my trite observations.




is it that they make a different sound on the footpath?

do i walk differently?

i know i'm taller but really; what's the big deal with the boots?

i bought some new boots. they are brown. they have a beautiful heel.

today i went up the street to have lunch with a girlfriend. i seemed to get so many looks, from the old dude hanging near the rsl to the tradey crossing the pedestrian lights, and then from all types in between.

it's like for some men

this






somehow becomes this





which clearly is an announcement that i am about to break into this
























in the middle of the street.

yesterday when i mentioned to my honey i'd bought new boots (expecting him to gulp and ask how much) he merely made a noise like a little baby lion growl.

what is it about boots?

one big tick and a cheer, one big boo, thumbs down, spit on the channel 9 programmer

let's enjoy the moment. these things are rare and all too soon will be spoiled.





















and to the channel 9 programmer or whoever decided to put on a double ep of hotel babylon and pulled six feet under this week, i hope you die right now.

spare a thought

while you are praying for my soul, against the satanic pull of youtube, please think about this bloke and his mate, trapped under ground for 10 days now.

i just got out of the shower and was thinking, in the time they have been trapped i have done the following:

had about 8 showers (one little secret, i don't always wash every day. i don't go to an office and hang with other people.)

(so i can get a little fruity if i want)

washed my hair twice

eaten about thirty meals, plus occasional sneaky snacks

watched about 8 hours of tv

watched one angelina jolie special on youtube

found what has to be the best lady-arse in the world (also on youtube. wait, be patient. i may share)

taken the gigi for about 6 or 7 walks

cooked about 5 meals

heated up about 5 lunches

had sex about 3 times?

maybe 2

sad, isn't it?

sent about 10 text messages, or maybe 8

made very few phone calls, maybe 5

done about fifty wees

had one vag wax, i think. i think that was last week. no, that was the week before. strike that.

watched the two chinese boys i want it like that in full about one.thousand.times.

vaccuumed once

entertained friends for dinner once

drunk about.... mmmm... too many glasses of wine

driven to uni twice, i think

eaten pork zero times

had cous cous for lunch twice

not eaten enough fruit

slept ten times

been to the supermarket about 3 or 4 times

mailed one letter

bought the age ten times

read one new weekly mag

wished i looked like angelina, even 8 months pregnant: once or twice

hugged my princess: about 20 times

told her i love her: about 20 times

read 132 pages of a new book - by mr easton ellis

sat down at this fucking computer: 100 times

gotten up to make a cup of tea: 100 times

noticed why my shoulders are getting really tired and sore, and why my brain wakes up way before my body does: constantly in the last ten days.


BUT

the miners have been stuck in a cage, buried alive, in a space 3m x 1m. i just don't know how they are keeping it together.

but they've got an ipod. and other stuff. and i really really hope they get out soon. and ok, without something really bad happening. whenever i think of them, i kind of hold my breath. it's the same when i watch people diving under water. even though the big blue is one of my favourite movies, i think i almost passed out a few times while watching it.

let's hold hands and wish the miners well.

ps. back to me, helooo! oooooh! over here. just one more thing. do you think i should say yes to an ipod for mother's day? i just don't think i'd use it. is it poor form to put in an order for mother's day? is it ungracious? part of me thinks it is. another part of me thinks a mother needs all the gifts she can get her hands on.

uh-oh, oh no, i'm a goner. what am i going to do? how can this be? shit.

current (online) obsession. i just never thought i would have a crush on two lipsyncing chinese boys.
at once.

just checking in.

with two words for you.

you.

tube.

i am in big trouble. for an addictive personality, comme moi, who has to get a thesis in, like pronto, discovering something like youtube is at once an excitement of the highest order, tinged with anxiety. because i know it will be so hard to resist. especially as i cast my eye, and my mind, around for ever-more distractions, in the lead up to my submittal.

i am over the thesis. i want it in. out of my hands. off my back.

and then i can quietly have a little reaction, get even more moody than usual as i wonder what to do with myself, and why does my life have no meaning, etc etc.

i know.

i should just tell myself youtube will wait for me. and that will be my life meaning. to explore and find and share all sorts of jewels that i'm sure are waiting there for us all.

pray for me.

the dormitory boys

this has been making me smile. check it out. they've got lots of songs but i'm linking to one of my favourites.
http://twochineseboys.blogspot.com/2005/10/i-want-it-that-way.html
ps check the guy in the background. there's always a guy in the background. i thought it was a mirror at first. also, wait until the song finishes and then there are some "outtakes".
beautiful.

six feet under - discussion of this week's episode.

[the formatting of blogger is pissing me off but i haven't time to fiddle, so apologies.]

in this episode the beginning, where someone dies, shows ruth's sister sarah walking up a mountain with another woman, her best friend fiona. fiona somehow stumbles after commenting she didn't think she would make it to the top, and falls off the cliff and dies.

it turns out she was the woman who at 32, when nate was 15, took his virginity. as he said sadly about half way through the episode, he wrote her silly poetry and at an age when he was fumbling around in the dark, trying to get his hands down the pants of girls his own age, she showed him her whole body, and (it remained unsaid) allowed him to explore it.

the way the writers managed this piece of history was so well done. at the beginning of the show, there was an almost-missed comment by ruth about what "fiona had done to nate." it was left there, subtle, so you almost didn't give it another thought, as there was so much else going on.

then slightly later it was revealed fiona had been his first lover. but nate said she was his first love, and there was an excruciating moment when she is on the slab, breasts bare, being tended to by rico when rico insensitively asks nate how she has held up physically, since the time he first saw her naked. nate gets pissed off, covers her with a sheet, and this is the moment when he said she was his first love.

also in this episode we realise that ruth has left george. it snuck up on me. i must be as naive as george is, for when it became clear that she had moved him into a new apartment, by lying to him that they were both moving in, yet she only took one change of clothes, i felt as sad for him as he looked. he kept his dignity at the end, as he closed the door in her face, and left her standing there. i thought of the opening scene a few episodes ago when we saw the young george holding his mother's hand as she slowly goes to sleep after overdosing on pills and alcohol. and there he was, a woman he loved leaving him again. cruelly.

billy is shitting nate and brenda with his hanging around.

maggie asked nate not to ever lie to her, and that she would promise to do the same. what kind of oath is this? what kind of person requires this sort of promise from an acquaintance?

claire looked gorgeous in her pastel shades of office wear; the riding pantyhose, the stultifying workmates. and then not getting her art grant. what is going to happen there? but at least she and ruth had a hug, though i was unsatisfied that ruth didn't apologise after treating claire appallingly.

keith and david! oh no, they are being tested. but this is life, this is how it happens. keith wants to give up on dorel and his little brother after two weeks. david rightly senses they are just right at the beginning. it could take years for them to establish a trusting relationship. i hope they stick it but keith "overparented" by getting physical and angry with the boys, and as david said, turned into his father. who he detests. is this what happens to us all? we turn into our parents? why can't we break the cycle? because we only know one way?

some good news (i think) was that vanessa asked rico to move back in, which was all he really wanted. to be with his boys again. i hope this works out. but it might not. who the fuck knows anymore? this show is just so unpredictable, which is one reason why i love it so much. you know billy could either kill himself, do a massacre-type job on everyone, or turn up in the next episode with a new girlfriend.

i had an awful thought that everything will just blow up and everything will go bad. that there will be no happy endings. please don't make any comments about what you might know about this show, if you do know what happens. but you're welcome to make comments about what you think might happen. i'm happy to read supposition, i'll just be heartbroken if anyone spoils it for me. i have access to the episode guide but am not going to look.