to the dark side

i've had a wart on my finger since i was in my teens, i think. it seems it's always been there, always a part of me. it's really two warts, that have merged together, in some way romantic, a joining of two which have become one larger, stronger, but uglier, thing.

two weeks ago i bought some wart stuff. some killer paint that stinks and promises to get rid of my wart, as well as the roots, if it's a plantar type.

i don't really know what a plantar wart is, but it sounds like a heavier version of just a normal wart. of course my wart would never be a simple little easy-to-cure matter. it would have to be of the industrial strength.

my wart is not small, and it's not like a little bump on the surface of my skin. it's spread, and it looks kind of transparent. i have bitten it off at times, the raised bit. i fiddle with it, flick it with my thumb. it annoys the shit out of people probably.

so why, when this wart has been a companion for so long, have i decided to get rid of it?

why now?

i'm not quite sure, but i think it's meaningful. in some ways i guess i am wanting to rid myself of my baggage.

but a wart is not baggage, you say.

well, it kind of is, i reply. to me, it's something i've carried long distances, through time, it's been on me, not weighing much, but there all the same. my wart has been with me longer than almost everyone i know.

about a week ago the wart was raising up, something was happening. it was like it was pushing to the surface. it kind of lifted up at one side, and i worked it, and worried at it, and pulled off that thick layer of skin. expecting to see the underneath a bit cleared, a bit healed, a bit better.

but it just looked the same as before, really.

it was then i realised this wart is a bitch, and it will take time to get rid of it. this wart is a stayer, and it doesn't want to leave me. this wart has dug its heels in, taken a pew, gotten comfortable.

this wart might take years to cure.

so every night, i'll keep painting it with the smelly clear liquid. i'll wait and see what happens. i'll watch my wart, i'll monitor it. and hope that one day it will be gone.