what a gorgeous, balmy night

i'm loving it, the warmth and the cool breeze off the beach is divine as well. we've had a lovely weekend.

i'm feeling very sorry for the lapthornes - their worst nightmare has come true. i fear my last post was a little flippant or something, but it wasn't meant like that. at least they have some peace now, maybe, or at least her father can bring her home. it's so sad, and touching, that he wouldn't leave without her. so hard for his wife to be here, and him there, and for them not to be able to hold each other and cry together. so, so hard. sometimes i get scared that something bad will happen to princess. i remember reading an article about the port arthur massacre, it was a couple of years afterward. maybe around the anniversary. and the mother of a young girl who was killed there was interviewed. i'll never forget the mother saying that she just doesn't want to live without her daughter, and that losing her was a blow from which she would never recover. at the time, princess was little, and i looked at her intently and hugged her close, and there was a great rush of fear, of catastrophe, of how i knew i wouldn't be able to survive something happening to her. it's beyond imagining.

to brighter things: yesterday was a riot of 10-year-old boys at the biggest slot car racing in australia. i was the only chick there, and if you want to blend in, along with having some testicles and a bit of a large tummy, you need a trucker's cap. nice. they raced and raced for an hour. i spent my time putting the cars that crashed back onto the tracks. the purple and the red ones stacked the most.

today saw us ending up down at the beach with the gigi for a paddle/swim. she's taken to chasing seagulls. as they are flying. i am worried she will either swim out to sea or take off along the beach to williamstown, and i wouldn't be able to get her back. then we had hot chips at street cafe.

i'm not drinking at the moment. while not officially doing ocsober, my self-imposed period of abstinence has indeed coincided with this noble month. i'm not fund-raising, merely trying to do some mindfulness-raising, and also looking to my health. and feeling fucking mighty about it too.

the other thing, today i bought diablo cody's book candy girl. i don't know if you've read any of her stuff. i know people were divided on juno. i liked it, mostly for michael cera's fabulous yellow shorts. but the acting was ace, the storyline, while simple, still held some unanticipated turns (always a plus for me, can't STAND predictable) and overall it was a nice little movie. how patronising. don't mean to be.

HOWEVER, i had read about diablo cody before the release of the movie and tracked her down online, finding her now-defunct blog, thrilling to her relationship breakup with the guy she'd met online (in some chat forum about the beach boys, and more specifically brian wilson) ooops this is a really long sentence, take a breath, maybe stop here. I found her myspace page which she now blogs from, and followed her through the end of filming juno, in the lead up to the release, through her book signings and appearances at stores in america (for her book candy girl, which is a 12-month memoir of her time spent as a stripper when she was 24).

now stop there. before you start saying things like "fuck off, i read memoirs of a geisha, there's been so much shit about hookers and strippers and junkies with their rememories" don't think diablo is like any of them. she's much more than belle de jour or whatever her name is.

this dame is smart. she is really, really smart and really funny.

go find her myspace and old blog and and you'll see what i mean.

she came along for me around the time ms fits finished. she is my replacement for ms fits (as is another blog of australians but i'm not going to talk about them here. i don't want it ruined for myself. it's all i need at the moment in the way of blogging. that blog and diablo. and a little bit of a certain poetess who has long dark hair.)

so, to my last item on tonight's agenda.

you know the diaries? my bad '80s diaries? well, i've just read ahead about six to seven volumes and pretty shortly, it all gets alot more interesting. in the sex, drugs and rock n' roll way. which is really great, and i tell you, for nights last week i couldn't sleep before 2am, it was unputtdownable and i'd lived it. (my bad memory also meant it was like i was reading parts of it for the first time - my theory is that because i wrote it all down, i allowed myself to relax and forget it. hell, there's a part where i say i bought blue boots. if anyone had asked me before reading that whether i'd ever owned blue boots, i would have said "shut the fuck up!")

ANYWAY, my dilemma is thusly. in terms of ethics, i have been shaving off names and using initials etc. i think now that things are to get a little more interesting i need to not include certain things. so while i've been fairly non-censoring (seriously, apart from just leaving out boring stuff*, and people's names, it's all been in there). but shortly, young melba is to meet the man who deflowers her, introduces her to certain illicit substances, and this is after about 10 months of solid band-going, where i would sleep at 4am and wake at 1-2pm. also, up until now, the blatherings of a young girl about adam ant are tame and it could have been any of heaps writing this shit. soon, there's stuff that might identify me were people to put things together.

the other thing is that clokes, although i read out stuff to him, i'm not sure whether this project is a good idea now we are about to get a little more adult, and move away from adam ant towards people like joe strummer.

i need to think more about it. i don't want to dilute this project (as it's become) but i need to be sensible about it.

your thoughts?

hope you had a good weekend.




* shut up. i know someone's laughing about this. i know some of it - HELL, ALOT OF IT - is boring so far. well, what i'm talking about is ultra ultra boring.