Oh fragile, fragile humans are we. Twits all.

I'm not sure about Twitter. Actually, I am sure, I really don't think it's for me. It's boring mostly, although I admit there is an interest in some celebrities and their blatherings. It's funny; some people are way more ordinary and normal than you would expect, while others are so tedious (moonfrye zappa, I'm looking at you!). Demi and Ashton wear very thin after a while, especially his charitable mercy missions. John Mayer's gone quiet, but he was a little interesting for a little while, but he never said anything about Jennifer Anniston, which was admirable and irritating in equal measures. Oprah's jumped on the bandwagon but she doesn't say much. Yoko Ono is, well, Yoko Ono. She is exactly as you'd imagine and always says things like this:

Clean up the water inside your body. Let's be the oasis for the world. Even if you don't announce it, it will be felt by the whole world.
[As an aside I am reading a book of old Rolling Stone interview compilations. Skipped through Pete Townshend (boring, egomaniac), Jim Morrison (boring, stupid), Phil Spector (boring) then got to John Lennon. The interview is progressing for several pages, typical John anti-Paul diatribe, talking about how much of a genius he, Lennon, considered himself, then Yoko pops up with some silly comments. She was always there. And now she's on my twitter page as well. Always there. It's bizarre. Another aside: best interview so far is Andy Warhol interviewing Truman Capote on the reasons why he failed to produce a story for Rolling Stone (mag.), as commissioned, on the Rolling Stones (band) tour. It's simply a transcription of a taped chat the two had, walking through Central Park, trying to find the zoo, then getting a drink in a bar (I haven't finished it yet) all the while musing on the goings on with the Rolling Stones on tour, the groupies, the drugs etc. It's fascinating, not least because it's fucking Warhol and Capote. It's so endearingly conversational, with quite a remarkable exchange at the beginning about Capote's mother being an alcoholic, or was it Warhol's ma? Can't remember.]

When I first started following Yoko, she followed me back really quickly. So for the first week or so I had exactly 2 followers - my husband and Yoko Ono. Now I have 8 followers, including the very ex-boyfriend, who I haven't followed back and now he's gone quiet and hasn't "tweeted" for like ages. And of course I make that about me! he's humiliated because I haven't added him, oh yes, revenge is a dish best served cold, like 20 years later.
Stephen Fry is alternately boring and kind of interesting. He is on there commenting a lot. Nicole Richie, pretty boring, but some cool photos. Pink, pretty interesting. Delta Goodrem and Brian McFadden. YAWN. So yawn.
Who else is there. My old fave Jamie Oliver, bless him, he's beautiful and just as you'd expect. Diablo Cody is good, but not as good as in her blog, Sarah Silverman is good, with some good photos, and Lily Allen is kind of interesting/kind of boring. She's getting a bit too much, too many posts. I'm enjoying Jordan, she is ordinary and makes comments about her bust up with Pete Andre, without saying anything. John Cleese is good but he never writes anything these days. Melissa Gilbert, ie Laura from Little House on the Prairie is just normal but it's so bizarre to see her on my computer screen making comments. BIZARRE. And now people are asking her about whether people still call her "half-pint." Samantha Ronson and Peaches Geldof are a little dull. Just so far out of my generational reach, I think. Rove is ok, equal parts of self-promo and just funny wisecracks. Myf Warhurst is good, just the way I like 'em. Short, sharp and funny. Her "tweets" I mean, she's not out to impress or name drop or anthing. She's just crapping on about pizza or whatever. This is what I like. You can see they are real people. But while Warhurst talks about pizza, Pink mentions getting a taste of some Penfolds Grange. World's apart. You can see Rove sucking up to celebs though, especially Pink. I wish more comedians were on it. It would suit the way they operate. There are comedians with accounts, but they aren't doing anything. Something about being precious of their works?
Even Elizabeth Taylor is on there, for fuck's sake!
Another observation is that some old Melbourne bloggers are on there, and they are in no way as good in 140 characters as they were blogging. I've blocked a couple (makes me sound more important than I am, just took them off my list) because I hated seeing their whining or their self-absorbed streams of consciousness, and for some reason a word limit does not do them justice.
But the other day I sstumbled across something that showed how sad people can get, trying to chase celebs and get noticed. Following, are comments copied and pasted from one user on Twitter. This is just the last couple of days. Mrs Kutcher is Demi Moore, Kelly O is Kelly Osborne, and her mum Sharon. Katie Price is Jordan and Peter Andre, well, you know. And before you tell me to get a life, bear with me, there is a purpose to this...

Sarah:

I LOVE YOU X

THAT WAS SHITE !!!!
THANX CUM AGAIN LOL
R U CUMMIN !!!!!
@lv2gve you mean you love the ability to talk to celebs say they dont want to talk to you?
@followfridayVIP Its a sad thing if people only want 2 find friends on a friday it should be everyday !!!!

@followfridayVIP Thanx for the advice does this make me a ff viip lol ?
RING OUT THE OLD RING OUT THE NEW /RING OUTTHE FALSE RING IN THE TRUE (TENNYSON)

THOUGHT'S OF A DRY BRAIN IN A DRY SEASON .
@mrskutcher I've just read an article in one of your papers and have to say this celeb stalking thing is not good take care x

@Di65 Just a bit regarding an incident on friday about Mrs.Kutcher
@writer_gal OK IV'E JUST SEEN IT AND IT IS ALL IN VERY BAD TASTE YES EVERYONE IS RIGHT I DONT AGREE EITHER !!!!
@writer_gal I hope you are not refering to me as i,m no stalker idont even live in the same country!!!!!

@nahsta The most selfless thing i have done was give my intire wardrobe to the homeless x
@mrskutcher I have had nothing but abuse from the U.S and it's not nice since friday and i feel real sad about it x
@mrskutcher I hate to think im stalking you im not i would just appreciate for you to agree their is no bad feeling between us? xxx
THE FINAL IS NEXT WEEK FOLLOW ME AND I WILL GIVE U A MIN BY MIN UPDATE STRAIGHT FROM THE U.K AND MY HOUSE

Im from the U.k and susan boyle is living the dream and she is FANTASTIC YEAHHHHHHabout 5 hours ago from web

@peacefulwarrior Have you read the book the way of the peaceful warrior?
@CallMe_Goddess nite nite sweet dreams x
@thoward2009 The only drive thru we have is Mac D's

@thoward2009 yes im from the U.K

@followfridayVIP I dont get this ff any day of the week is cool

IM TRYING TO GET TO A HUNDRED FOLLOWERS COME ON MAKE MY DAY I WILL REPLY BACK LOVE AND PEAS XXX
@thoward2009 Whats a sonic burger?
SUSAN BOYLE TO WIN BRITAINS GOT TALENT YEAHHHHHHHH
@CallMe_Goddess what time is it there?
@AmandaSueki Hi how you doing today then and how's that butt of your's lol lol xxx
@PassionMetrics Hey my little mystery where have you gone hope i did'nt upset you
@CallMe_Goddess Im having a great time lol xx
@Di65 Its sharon gless i like although i like the other one also but queer as folk is great x
@PassionMetrics Hey where have you gone? xx
@Di65 Ilove cagney and lacey we have it here in the U.K
THE FIRST PERSON THAT CAN MAKE MY FOLLOWING TO 80 WILL GET A SURPRISE XXX
@PassionMetrics I feel now very houred that u reply and i dont have to payLOL xxx
@PassionMetrics Jolly good just saw your web site mmm?
@PassionMetrics publishing what?
@CallMe_Goddess yeah your right lol

AM I NOW LOVED BY MY AMERICAN COUSINS? xxx

@AlbionAli I dont think im the sara u no as i'm orig from london
@PassionMetrics Well i hpe your not feeling to bad now mystery woman lol xx
GOOD MORNING GOOD AFTERNOON AND EVENING AMERICA xxxx
@helsbells9 Good night sweet dreams xxx
@AlbionAli We should hook up for a coffee?
@AlbionAli Ilive in the centre of townxx
@AlbionAli so your from brighton?
@lv2gve Pleasure is all mine x
@AlbionAli where are you from?
Escala are on BGT FANTASTIC Classical at it's best xx
TO BE OR NOT 2 BE THAT IS THE QUESTION?
@eliseemoo What game u playing?
@helsbells9 IM from london what part are you going
Oh man you Americans are so lucky it's pissing with rain her in the U.K x
@helsbells9 That has made me laugh lololol xxx
@helsbells9 What a fukin idiot i am lol lol !!!xxx

@helsbells9 When is big bro starting?
SHAUN BY THE JUDGES CHOICE TO GO TO THE FINAL NEXT SATURDAYX

FLAWLESS HAVE MADE IT TO THE FINAL

It's the semi final tonight of britains got talen any followers ??? xxxx

@revswmn Keep you updated it's just come back on yeahhh
@revswmn Me and my friends are saying susan boyle to win !! yeahhh
@lv2gve IM curous about you u seem to be a mrs.kutcher stalker ?
Watching Britains got talent yeahhhh!!!!!

@mrskutcher Mrs.kutcher can you confirm to me there is no bad feeing? Im now having a bad time xxabout 10 hours ago from web in reply to mrskutcher
@thoward2009 Dont forget also the troops of the U.K and around the world
My thought's and love go out to the troops of the U.K and USA god bless to them all xxxxx

@CallMe_Goddess So am i LOL xx

@Kellya1023 Let your tree grow with love xx

@CallMe_Goddess u nut case lol xx

@Djay23 IM sure you are looking hot lol !!! xxx
@mrskutcher I would just like to appologise for the upset god bless sara claridge 1 xxx

Poverty and oysters always seem to go togeather? (Dickens) x

When i am dead i hope it may be said/his sin's were scarlet, but his books were read. xxx

@revswmn If theiir were more people like you the world would be a better place xx
@Djay23 I take it your still ignoring me ? enjoy the sun with your ladies lol xxx
@revswmn No problem lol thanx for being understanding xxx
@revswmn I just feel very misunderstood xx
@revswmn To be very honest AMERICA has seem to have pit me in the dog house i feel sad xxx
@CallMe_Goddess AMERICA dont seem to like me oh well cant please everyone!!although i do feel sad about it xx
@CallMe_Goddess No i'm ok i just found it all a bit much !!lol
HELLO TO AMERICA LOVE AND PEAS XXXXXX

@CallMe_Goddess hello love how are u im just getting over my onslaught from friday lol

@revswmn I hold my hand's up i was just making a point x
@revswmn I get your pont i was just trying to make a point take care x
@LJRoon Thanx for your comment x

@katalystkaryn Got your pint peas and love lol x
@PassionMetrics just out of interest why are you not lucky? x

That they have as much manners as me

Oh by the way mrs.kutcher ignored my appology i rest my case where celebs are involved !!!!!!

@revswmn who with?

I would like to say kelly o has the most disgusting mouth i've heard from a woman if you can call her that !!!!!!
@CallMe_Goddess I upset mrs.kutcher and half of america lol

So no ones prepared to follow the yellow brick road with me you all seem to be a little quiet tonight being that you had so much to say yest

@MissKatiePrice Your hubbie is a good guy and always has time for people its not what i have found with some celebs in u.s lol lol xxx
@MissKatiePrice Now i know how it feels when people are nasty to you i upset the us last night xxx

@MissKatiePrice Its sara from brighton hope your ok and the kids xxxxx
@MissKatiePrice Hi katie good to see a decent english person on here who is polite yeahhhh
@Djay23 Lets see how long that last's lol

@adam718 only u can answer that chap.
@CallMe_Goddess I upset the whole of the u.s last night lol

OMG just seen a munchkin shall i ask for his autograph lol

Well im on my yellow brick road if you come we will have fun lol
@mrskutcher And i do admire you as an artist and mother and wife x

@mrskutcher If you felt bullied it was not ment to come across that way and thank you for replying to me regards sara claridge1 xx

@mrskutcher mrs.kutcher i hope you can except my appology it was not ment to be an all out was and i do admire your integrity as a woman xxx

Being that i'm use to everyone's abuse if ther is a question u want from a celeb ask meI'm sure i'm well known in the u.s now lol 2 ask them

@CallMe_Goddess Thats because they are following me giving me a hard tim over mrs.kutcher lol
@PerezHilton Dont forget the guiness happy time's x

@yibberj2 Will do lol

Being that you think im a crank follow me on the yellow brick road to the emerald city lolx

@Lulinet Interested to no what your favourite book is? Mine is astonishing the god's by Ben okri it's a good read try and get it xxxx
@Kellya1023 Hvae a good time x

@Boppy12 Please dont send stupid dm's thanx

Only positive people need reply or i wont reply back thanx.

But im interested in those that supported my views i'd be greatful and will follow you as a friend thank you x

I dont want to go over old ground but would be iterested in positive feed back regarding mrs.kutcher i will reply to everyone.
will reply to positive answers cheers x
I would be interested on your thoughts about yesterday but only from those that supported what i had to say thanx guys sara x
@eliseemoo Thanx for your support i dont feel gret about the whole thing x
@yibberj2 Have a good day x

@mckennae Dong Ding lol

@yibberj2 Im going to send you my e.mail address through direct so it's more private and also talk about proof reading xxxxxx

@yibberj2 the sad thing is i would like to say sorry to mrs.kutcher but cant on here without people commenting!!!
@yibberj2 Im on here like everyone else to meet people and have a nice time thank you for your support x

@yibberj2 If you could see some of the abuse i took it wasn't very nice!

@yibberj2 i wanted to say to you i write quick and some of my keys get stuck hence the spelling lol
@yibberj2 Exactly it was an inonocent qestion that got out of hand !!

I'd hate to think people thought that was a publicity stunt it was not i just wanted an answer an i do admire mrs.kutcher as a person,

@yibberj2 Im not into arguing with people and now feel like the most hated person in the u.s x

The only comment i will make today re last night i have been very misunderstood and will appologise to mrs.kutcher by letter.

@yibberj2 oh ok sorry about that last night was a bit heavy !!! lol

@ThankTank Than you xxxx

@mckennae As one say's alway's look on the bright side of life !!!\

@mckennae I take it your an addict then?

@Cynnergies Im sorry toyu about last night i hpoe all is forgiven?x

Good morning everyone a new a new start and a good day for mrs.kutcher pleaseno more comments thank you.
@kalikitty67 And as for you im reporting your name today for the abuse ok

@ShelbyCooper66 well i can tell you now someone has hacked into my computer ok

@MissKellyO kelly you can tell your silly little friend she is or you are going to be done for hacking into my computer understand
@kalikitty67 what a load of shite you are talking your all beginning to sound like stuck records what you looking for praise from miss moor

@lynnedy how dare u accuse me of such things and whats it to you that ive been up for the night your hacking me and your in big shite!!!
@lynnedy What the fuck are you saying you think iv,e taken something are u crazt this is serios now and will be dealt with in the correct
@lynnedy Im +going to check your profile out and i may find answer>

@lynnedy I think your hacking into my computer or someoneis
@Ange_0079 Idont make a point of following celebs or plastic americans and i dont dislike americans i just dont like plastic ones
@lynnedy I want you 2 tell me where she comesinto it if this carries on there's going to agrovation

@lynnedy I was born 66 so that makes me 43 in a couple of months time and im 2 young to have heart attacks
@alexxxita Listen dont no what your talking about i dont no you so please dont waste my time yhank you
@lynnedy a celebrity b4 and wher does sharon o come in to it?

@lynnedy Listen who ever you are i dont make a point of being rude to anyone and i dont use twitter that oftenand iv'e never been rude to
@lynnedy you no full well im british why?

@DawnMarieLS by the look of your pic u look plastic like most americans except the exceptional few

@Pattytdb Im not digging u guys ok
@LLLGirl All your going by is someone on the movies u no this woman as much as i do
At some point u will find the brains to understand what i was talking about you americans just live in a plastic world good night

@lynnedy I dont feel obliged to tell where i live

@durancd yeah iv'e been around for a while and i do understand it's ive noticed this celeb thing is a piss take
@lynnedy yeah i did have a bet with a friend but it still does not involve mrs.kutcher kelly was taking the piss out of people

Im getting sick of this i have not bullied mrs.kutcher so get your facts right it was not directedat her alone
@lynnedy What interest is it to you what brighton i come from1:51 PM May 24th from web

@LLLGirl Get a life and go and stop trying to crawl up celebs arses
@lynnedy Idont no why u keep going on about kelly o i have no interest in her at all i think she is foul mothed and disgusting

@MADVIV You need to get a life your an arse licker !!!

@ecool Smart arse i type very fast hence the mistakes !!!
@lynnedy And what are you talking about re sharon o?
@lynnedy Dont no what your talking about?
@lynnedy I'm aware mrs kutcher can not speak unless she folows me hence why i said would she follow for a few mins so icould say sorry!!!!

Iv'e got nothing against mrs.kutcher and i'm not a wannabe and this is completley out of hand and i'm sure mrs.kutcher will thank you all !!
Thank you 4 an interesting evening good luck to you all regards sara claridge1 mins so i can appologise correctly i'd be very greatful with regards saraclaridge1 xx

@mrskutcher mrs kutcher i would just like to appologise with my outburst i hope we can talk privatley if you could just follow me for a few
@Pattytdb Mrskutcher has'nt replied and we have't spoken i will appologise what do you think send reply back private xx

@Lulinet Hey if i attacked you tonight it honestly was'nt at you so many people have shouted at me i got confused who was who im very sory x
@Pattytdb you seem about the only person that understands where im coming from ive been called all sorts tonight cheers anyway x
@ian_former I'ts just an observation i noticed and wanted to say something is that so wrong?
@LadyThawk Hey its ok i was just trying to get apoint across and have been hit with abuse x

@LadyThawk No problem sorry x

@carterm1 @LadyThawk No problem xGet a life you nerd

@MADVIV Im not bullying mrs kutcher at all i just wanted a simple answer but nosey people like u have to have the last word !!!

@Debplus4 Not really interested in what you have to say good job i have a spell check arsehole
@yibberj2 Tell me a writer with perfect spelling when there mad?

4 all u upstarts get over yourselves this wholr thing was not aimed at mrs kutcher ok so give me a break and go have some cookies x

@peelnet Im not negative or desperate i just wanted an answer from mrs kutcher and did not expect it to turn out like this !!!
@MADVIV satisfied !!!
@maineprmaven Excuse me i have enough friends and infact i like mrs kutcher i would have much like to have a one 2 one with her.
@Pattytdb Ilive in the uk x
@eliseemoo Im doing ok im just waiting for mrs kutcher to follow me so i can talk to her on an equal footing x
Like fuck is it equal footing on here your talking shite friend one rule for them and one for us!!!! from web
@yibberj2 I would you believe write comedy im just so pissed off for what comments people have made it will be good to stay in touch x
@Lulinet do u think mrs kutcher will reply to you for that question wow she was prgnant big deal!!!
@Pattytdb theres your answer bro mrs kutcher hasnt got back to me and thinks im going to sell this its something i would never do lol xx
@Pattytdb take the piss out of twetters tonight i dont want fame or fortune from this i just want a clear answer and im not into journalisam
@Pattytdb Im not looking for any publicity through this im a human being with a questions i want answered i watched kelly osbourne tonight

@Lulinet Im behind you if these celebs want to be on her they should have the respect not to be so fucking rude xxx

kutcher to answer my question on her terms!!!
I will reply to every question you want to fire at me im no crank im a graduate i dont need a councilour im passionate and would like mrs

It seems mrs kutcher is not prepared to talk to me one on one i can gurantee you all if i have to reply to you all and im all following you

@Debplus If you understood what ni was sying you would know what i'm saying so dont make comment if you dont understand the question!!!
@thoward2009 I'ts a pleasure xthanx for support x

Just one more thing if you dont want the aggro of followers then dont go on her unless your prepared to give people a fair trial

the truth and it seems ther's onlt a few on my side who agree and demi if you read this mate follow me so i can talk to you without wanabees

Exactly we are all hum,an with feelings but i wopuld like to speak to demi on a one 2one and i havent the time for arse lickers who dont say

i need to talk to you in private it's not fired at you as i said im just intrigued and i appologise if ive hurt your feelings regards sara x
@mrskutcher Demi im so sorry if ive offended you it's not what i.m about this is a conversation between you and i and no one else i feel
friends with people from all walks of life money or fame is not what im about i just wanted an answer im very srry if ive offended people xx
I seem to have made enemys thats not what i want i asked demi being that she is a woman of integrity im no celeb hunter its just nice to be

@mrskutcher woulld like us to stay in touch please surprise and you are a feelings person regards sara claridge xxxxx

@mrskutcher admire your work i'd like to think you would follow me as you seem adjusted and interesting im no celeb hunter im a writer and
@mrskutcher I do appologise if iv'e offended you in anyway that wasnt ment to be im a writer and just find it all a bit intriging and i do
like myself it can be very offending i appreciate you have alot of people wanting your attention but im baffeld that you dont respond??
@mrskutcher Hi demi im interested to no why celebs like yourself although i do admire you seem to not engadge in conversation with people

im no celeb hunter i like to meet people from all walks of life but it just so fucks me off to think you think you are better than us !!!!!
I thought the whole idea of twitter was to make friends and these celebs think we are not good enough to follow i rest my case!!!!!!!!

@MissKellyO you are such a piss taker thats what i like about you !!!

@MrsOsbourne Hi sharon can u please follow me as people here in the uk dont believe i can get u or kelly to follow me thanx sara brighton xx
@MissKellyO was i right sly stallones mrs?
@MissKellyO The bird that was married to sly stallone ? lol
@Kellya1023 suck'blow and swallow ha ha wish i was there with you lol ha
@AmandaHol your get use to this twitter thing im following you it would be nice if you could follow me i used to live round the corner from
@MissKellyO Kelly ive just bet with my mate here in u.k that you will follow me so please do me the favour cheers girl xxx

*******

Is it just me, or does this poor woman read as desperately and lonely and pathetic as I think she does? Literally begging for Jordan to "follow" her because people don't think she can get her to add her? It seemed she started in on Demi Moore because she wouldn't talk to her, and tried to get some sort of thing going with her, then obviously other people jumped all over her telling her to fuck off and that she was arselicking and chasing celebrities etc, and then she tried to justify herself, and deny it all. Now, I know I'm a sad case for even spending this much time on this, but it made me wonder - is this what we've come to? What would this woman do if she didn't have the Internet? Would she be stalking the lady at her local shop or the post man in her village? The World Wide Web is a terrific thing, but there has to be a negative, opposite effect. Is this one of them? People like this manage to alienate other humans as easily online (if not more so) than in real life.

What do you think? Have you had more social trouble online than off or would it be a true reflection of how you relate to others offline? Do you apply the same standards, manners, ethics or do you have a different set of "ways of being"?

It's a while since I asked questions like this. I would love to know what you think.

I'm all ears.

Childhood Icons - tribute to Farrah.

Farrah Fawcett is dying, and I feel sad. It's a sadness mixed with nostalgia and I was thinking that for me, she was one of the real icons of my youth. I remember we went on a trip to Sydney as a family in about 1977 or '78 and I had a haircut. I asked the hairdresser to give me hair like Farrah's and it came out beautifully with the wings and all. Until I washed it, then it went back to its normal, anti-glam bouff. That trip, even the hotel was iconic - in the middle of King's Cross, it was the funky Gazebo Hotel next to the el Alamein Fountain. There was plush carpet throughout and an under-pool bar with a window showing the water and people's legs and bottom halves.

I remember also a conversation with my cousin about Farrah's nipples. You have to understand, these days, the sex symbols tend to have big boobs - think Jordan, Pamela Anderson, etc. But back in the '70s, erect nipples were what separated the nice from the naughty. My cousin made some comment about how her nipples always seemed to be stiff. I said something like "oh that's easy, you just use frozen peas." He then made me demonstrate what I meant. His eyes almost popped out of his head.

We loved Charlie's Angels. You had Kelly, the beautiful one, Kate the smart one and Jill Munroe, the sexy one. She could ride a skateboard and put a man into a full Nelson like that. Her teeth were white and many, she didn't have a standard nose-job nose, and she had big hair. For other big-haired people, she was a Goddess. These days, all the girls want flat, straight, boring hair. Farrah ushered in a new era in hair, again a backlash against that flat, straight Marcia Brady hippie hair. For us girls who were never going to be able to have Marcia hair, not for another 30 years when straightening irons came in, Farrah was our Hero. My daughter cannot believe that the only things we could do with our hair at home were: blow-dry to a huge frizzy mass, or curl to a crisp with a curling iron. You could get your hair crimped at a salon, and of course you could get a blow dry but we just didn't really bother with that shit in the late '70s. We didn't have products until hair gel arrived in the '80s. I don't remember Edward Beal salons using anything other than hair spray and that was just for the oldies. No pomades. No gloss. No anti-frizz sprays. No sculpting mousses. We had a pair of thinning scissors in our bathroom cupboard and I did a little damage with those on myself. It was like the Wild West of Hair Care in those days.

Of course, Farrah fell from grace, like all icons do if they live long enough. That's the problem. Women get old, and then they are undesirable. Redundant. There's always a new chicky-babe coming along. No body gives them work, no body wants to make pin-up posters of them any more. It'd be a bit the same for men, sure, but different as well. And she never got her John Travolta come-back. Tarantino obviously didn't think it would work with her. She became a joke, she was mocked for slurring as if drunk or drugged during interviews, for being daffy, for staying with abusive Ryan O'Neal. Their son Redmond is a drug-fuck-up and Ryan's daughter Tatum is as well. Farrah and Ryan broke up but in the last few years I think have come together again. He is loving her and looking after her and she had one of Rod Stewart's ex-wives video her final decline. She has cancer of the anus, particularly indelicate, and she is being open and wanting to live her final days in the public eye. No hiding away for her. People will have mixed ideas about this. Is it showy? Who knows. Probably. For a person who's lived their adult lives in the spotlight, I guess it might be hard to let go for some. I feel sorry for her, I do admire her willingness to be shown projectile vomiting in a documentary, and she'll always have a place in my heart. I loved her in a real girl-crush way. I can't really think of another woman from that era that I thought was so wonderful. So pretty. So sporty. So sexy. Such good hair.

The house hunt continues

But now we are wondering whether we are able to buy.
Something like this, perhaps?

I've always wanted a castle.

And then you get inside...

See, it comes with fake children. Not creepy at all.

Making an appointment with the bank right now.

we may have a "situation"

"patrick", from the diaries, has just started following me on twitter. i don't use my twitter much but it's under my real name. of course, clokes and i are following each other. i don't have my melba blog linked to my twitter, but clokes does.

he doesn't blog anymore, i might ask him if he can pull it.

what do you think, oh small amount of readers who give a shit about this?

some might say there's a part of me that would like him to read it all, he used to read my diaries sometimes i think anyway. not sure. i remember coming home once, he'd moved to sydney, and he'd climbed in the window, was in my bed, reading my diary and asking casual questions about flirting i'd been doing with someone he knew.

argh.

that is all.

how fucking teenage.

i should know better

(let's label him tool #2 for this week, shall we?)

sorry to start with a pic of him, i know that some people might be picking up a fork to stab into their eyes right now, such is his power. but i thought we'd just get it out of the way, you can scroll soon, and get rid of him.

let's do it now.

okay.

when i am trying to focus on something important, ie writing, i should know better than to read the newspaper in the morning. it would be better to leave it until later in the day, when all my words are out. it's like avoiding people with colds, not sitting near coughing and spluttering people at the doctor's surgery, or on trams. likewise, i try to avoid the viral rage that peter costello seems to make me feel by just not reading him.

i'd finished my eggs (scrambled on toast, with diced tomato, fetta cheese - danish, smooth, yum - and olives.) i'd had one coffee (steel plunger, freshly ground, milk in a little green earthenware jug with no handle.)

i read a bit about the budget, about the controversy to do with miriam margoyles and that play, about horses dying in jumps races, skipped all black sat. stuff, was doing well until i got to p17 and this. i got about half way through and then reached for the laptop. he just pisses me off so much, and here i was getting steamed, and i wasn't even up to catherine deveny yet. (i don't read her, i just don't, but sometimes the words jump out and assail my eyes and brain. she's a virus to avoid as well.)

the headline is the only good thing about this article. it's quite clever, but HE DIDN'T WRITE IT. that's usually the sub-editor's job. i may be wrong though. peter might have been working on that headline for a week before? who knows.

what really bugs me about this man is he has to make everything about himself. you know those people, sometimes they are friends, and when you are talking, everything, EVERYTHING that you talk about, they relate to themselves. peter costello is one of those people. this is what some of our conversations might go like.

pete: so, what'cha been doing?

me: oh, running around, took princess to the dentist. to get her braces.

pete: hey, i went to the dentist last week. had to get a filling. it hurt!

me: really?

*

pete: do you wanna come out for a drink?

me: no, thanks. i don't think so. i'm working on something, i gotta keep the momentum. you know how it is.

pete: yeah! i'm working on something too. it's taking alot of my time, i'm working on an ace headline. wait 'til you see it!

me: er.

*

this is what they're like. when i used to teach in japan, i would get up in front of the class and map out on the board what a conversation looks like in english. i would talk about the "answer+" and the "follow-up question." follow-up question in the above two exchanges would look like this:

me: took princess to the dentist. to get her braces.

pete: yow! how's she going? are her teeth tender? i guess you're having to mash all her food. that must be tough for her. give her a hug from me.

*

me: i gotta keep the momentum. you know how it is.

pete: hey, watcha working on? sounds interesting, tell me about it.

*

answer+ doesn't really apply. he's doing ok with his own guff. answer+ is for inhibited and painfully polite japanese students who give one word answers. you know, "how are you? good" type speakers, instead of "how are you? good, great in fact. last night i did a bunch of homework and now i really get it about past participles as well as present and past perfect usage!"

but back to pete.

in a nutshell, he's managed to place himself at the centre of the monthly/sally warhaft controversy. he's tried to be contemporary and used eddie mc dick's term "boned" in relation to warhaft, then goes on to express his personal opinion about morry schwartz as a person and a publisher in a most undignified manner. everything about peter costello is undignified. why doesn't he just get it? is no one telling him, or he's just not listening? this is a man who just doesn't know when enough is enough. he's like the person at teh dinner party who when it's 1am wants to have another coffee, or glass of wine, and tell another "funny" story, and everyone else has gone, his wife is nodding off, you are so fucking tired and sick of him, you know there's the dishes to do, and there he is, opening another bottle of wine!

the point at which i stopped reading the article and grabbed the computer to write this was when he said:

"i have plenty of other opportunities to publish, so it's no skin off my nose to be blackballed by schwartz and editorial board chairman robert manne."

again, it's all about him.

so it's a whingy piece, about feeling sorry for warhaft, about how manne has flip-flopped to right, left and right and left and who really cares? i don't. i don't care if the monthly is left-leaning. don't the conservatives have their own publications? the monthly is not a newspaper, from what i gather isn't supposed to pretend to be unbiased. i don't know what the monthly's editorial policy is; if it's meant to present more than one side, then costello's comments are fair enough. but it's just the way he makes those comments that makes me wish the age would stop publishing his articles. i'm sure he's submitting them, i'm sure the age isn't chasing them, but maybe i'm wrong.

now i've gotten that off my chest, i can settle down and do some work.

tool of the week

or how to avoid doing what you should be doing, by blogging. also, secondary purpose = push diary entry down the page so the word SPECULUM doesn't jump out and hurt readers' eyes.

so, tool of the week.

the award goes to: damir dokic.

enough said.

back to work now.

poets and thieves

yeah it's a good name for a book shop. but why wasn't it open on a tuesday around lunchtime?

tim winton's breath.

it's funny. in the writing course thingo on saturday, the woman sitting next to me had a physical reaction when it was suggested we read this book in the next 2 months. she kind of sat back in her chair and sighed quite loudly. the only novel i've finished of tim winton's was dirt music. from memory i didn't mind it. and i remember being inordinately pleased that i'd managed to finish it. the only other book i've finished of his was a collection of short stories, published reasonably recently, called the turning. i didn't mind that either, but i think it got distracting because i was trying to work out how each story connected to the other. it's a nice idea, having a series of short stories that are connected in some way, but again, it distracted me. actually, i've just remembered i also read the riders, and while that was unsatisfying, i finished it and didn't mind it either.

but i want more from my reading than not minding it.

cloudstreet i started reading, and while i quite liked the beginning bits, i let it go because it was hard work beyond a certain point*. i think around the same time i read murray bail's eucalyptus and adored it. bail is on my list, he's been short-listed for the miles franklin, and once i've read him and winton's breath, then i'll have read 3 of them.

one last thing, before my current reading list. i'm not disposed to envy of other people. i don't covet other people's houses, cars, husbands, looks, clothes or shoes. not much. of course i notice, i see my friend with the luscious lips and the way her lip gloss is just so attractive. i see the expensive clothes, and think how nice to be able to buy them. but it doesn't make me, ME, unhappy. it never has. but recently, i had a sharp stab of envy. let me tell you what it was about.

in our course there's a writer who has published a book. it came out last year, and was launched by helen garner. it was a sharp pang, and it hurt. i raced out, got the book and am now nearly finished. by about page 4 i was reassured that while this is a finely-written book, it's not a threat to me. it's not the sort of book i want to write. WOW. i could relax, and all was ok with the world again.

do other people feel this sort of thing?

to my list:

breath - tim winton.

the fable of arachne - sallie muirden. (poetry, even though i don't do poetry.)

landscape with animals - anonymous. (anyone read it? apparently it's very sexay.)

surrender - sonya hartnett.

the photograph - penelope lively.

the white tiger - aravind adiga.

what i loved - siri hustveldt (spelling!?)

the kindly ones - jonathan littell. (recommended by bookmoth, i bought it already and it sits, like a brick, on the floor beside my bed. a besa brick.)

the pages - murray bail.
ordinary people - judith guest.

sybil - flora rheta schreiber.

* * *

the last two are for research purposes for my story. what i have bought so far from this list: dissection, the kindly ones, the white tiger (2nd hand, yay), the photograph** (ditto, yay) and breath.

i'm still reading the time traveler's wife, about half-way through, it's good. but am sidestepping with another book, just a brief affair. a fling, if you will. then back to my main novel.

happy reading everyone. for is it not the most blissful of activities?

* 2012 note - I have read Cloudstreet now and adored it. Strange - and wonderful - how we can change either in our responses or some books just need to be read at the right time?

** 2012 note - I didn't read this. Couldn't get past the first few pages I think. Didn't want to spend the time.

day trip last week

last tuesday a friend and i went to check out werribee south, and campbell's cove bathing boxes, which i'd read about once a few years ago, and then again recently.

it was a sunny day, loverly, and we drove across the bridge and saw the new suicide barriers, and both felt yuck thinking about the little girl, and how people can do that, and how people can kill themselves etc and so by the time we had crested and gone over the top we were a bit quiet, and my friend paul had to concentrate because we were boxed in by mammoth trucks and i got a little scared.

first, we went to point cook. clokes and i have been trying to think "outside the box" about our accommodation iss-ews. but frankly, point cook is too far outside the box. i'd rather live in geelong, some beautiful places there.

first we found ourselves at sanctuary lakes resort if you don't mind. it was fucking horrible, and the lake was like a burley griffin wannabe. we drove around for a little while, and we each found maybe one house that we would pick were we forced to live at sanctuary lakes resort. my friend's an architect and he talks about 'good bones.' but not that day. apparently also the place is built on landfill which is dirty: i quote from a message thread "the ground is full of broken concrete and asbestos wall insulation steel rebar bricks chipboard topped with 12-18 inches of the original topsoil scraped of and dumped back on top of the fill."

then we went across to the other side of point cook road to some new estates. two literary pieces came to mind. one was ts eliot's the wasteland, and the other, for some reason, was dickens' bleak house. one of the streets was called home street; it was hopeful and pathetic in equal measures.

it was so depressing. i just don't like new houses and housing estates. if i had to live in a new house, i would choose something that was mock victorian or georgian or something. i can't stand the lack of character, and the formulaic designs, the mix and matchness. i like old houses. i don't care if the paint is peeling (like on our bedroom ceiling) or there are other signs of shabby - i have high ceilings and good light and well-proportioned rooms. i've lived in some shitboxes, really i have. in japan we didn't even have a bathroom in our first apartment and we washed on the roof and at the sento or the gym. it's not that i'm a princess, i can do rough. i just need to be in a suburb or area with soul. as far as i could see, all those new housing estates and satellite towns have no soul. not yet. they might. later.

so we hightailed it out of there. i hadn't seen anything that was remotely pretty; paul quite liked one of the display home offices.



just like the bellarine peninsula, no?


next stop was werribee south. well, there's a beach there did you know it? it looks not unlike queenscliffe and them there parts on approach (see photo above). we got out of the car at the spot where the river joins the ocean, and there were people, and the beach wasn't as bad as you would think. it is indeed a secret little gem. we had lunch at this fab milk bar, and chatted with the people running it. paul had a burger, i had a cheese and salad sandwich and we shared a bowl of chips. we had a coffee each and then shared a vanilla slice. the floor was amazing terrazzo with about 4 different colours and borders edged in gold. it was in amazing condition and at the doorway there was a built-in plaque with the date - 1959 from memory. we both agreed we'd thought it would be earlier, but the building itself was a big, blonde-brick number; very boxy and with a residence upstairs probably.




good-lunch milk bar.


next stop was campbell's cove.

when you get to the road the beach shacks are on, it looks like this:





cool, right? so we drove along behind the shacks, to see how long the stretch was. at the end of it, there was a car park. so we parked there. there were a few cars, and we thought we'd walk back along the front of the beach huts, along the sand.


it was a good idea, right?

so we parked the car, walked down onto the beach, looked around, and up the beach i saw two nude men. that's when i remembered that the article i read had said this was a nude beach.

oh, ok. no problem with that.

we went back to the car to get my bag etc, and then something like this walked out at us, from the scrub:

> sorry to disappoint, folks. i just spent about half an hour offending mine eyes by trying to find a picture of a fat, nude man. i can't find one that's right, so i'll just have to use my words.

so, through the bushes, towards our car walked a nude man, with a really big penis. he was old, and fattish, and headed our way. looking right at us, it was most disconcerting.

so we walked away heading up the beach, away from the nude action. i started to realise why there were so many cars, it's a beat, it's a gay beat!! i said to paul. we clung to each other in excitement, giggling like school girls, and went to look at the huts. as we walked, paul was saying he hoped his car would be alright and i teased him about men having sex on his bonnet, or ejaculating all over it.

and here are the beach huts, they are so cool:





campbell's cove beach huts.



as we walked along we met a couple who were outside one of the huts. he was getting on his waders to do some fishing and had a couple of rods down on the beach. she was sitting at a card table in the sun. they were friendly, and we chatted for a while, asking questions about the huts. they said it was wild down there in winter, a great time to go, or at the end of summer season, through autumn, and also in spring, before it gets too warm. they said sometimes the seaweed is so bad and it really stinks. they said also sometimes vandalism can be a problem. you're not meant to "stay there" but they said the local council turns a blind eye, and really it's better having some people around, otherwise there'd be nudists completely out of control.




some of the shacks are quite derelicte-my-balls, but others are even flasher than this one.




i liked this fence.







i'm guessing there's no "town water" so it's rain tanks.



we walked back to the carpark a bit scared of what we might see. there'd been heaps of traffic on the road as we'd walked along the beach and then back behind the shacks on the road. all men, and most of them old. saw one couple. maybe it's a dogging place? i don't know.

we got back to the car and there was actually a guy launching his boat near-by off a trailer. paul went down to the beach again, and there was a young dude (non-nude) there that i could see from inside the car where i was sitting. he was looking shifty, standing on the beach and looking at something in the shrubs? paul cam e back to the car, then as we were driving away another old nude guy walked through the bushes away from the clothed young guy.

it was seriously hideous but a bit exciting as well.


we drove back along the road, and the along the extension past the turn-off where we'd come in. there were a couple more cars down there, i think with masturbators. it seemed to be a younger man patch.

so that was it. we drove back across the bridge. i loved it down that way. i saw some seriously funky farm houses and there's a heap of horticulture going on, the air was scented with cabbages and other cruciferous vegetables.

happy weekend to you all. i am off being writerly tomorrow. there's a guy in the class that is kind of like the person who gets on the tram, and comes and sits next to you, and is weird and you don't want them to sit next to you because they might start shouting or talk to you in gibberish. last time, when we had to share bits of our work in small groups, his piece immediately reminded me of a confederacy of dunces. it was like it was lifted straight from it. he said he hadn't read it, didn't seem to have heard of it. i'm not sure i believe him. i told him i thought he'd like it, considering his own story. what i didn't say was that the character in his story, and the opening scene is very similar to stuff from that book.

however, an admission from me. once on this blog i said i was tired of the same-old, same-old fiction*, and sick of synopses on the back of books that go something like and so she returned to the family property, to rebuild her life and also rebuild the chook pen. well, tomorrow we have to take a synopsis, and mine reads like shit. exactly like the chook pen one. what to do? down the bottom, i have written "sounds like a crap marketing line" and put pertinent bits in bullet points. i don't know how to write a fucking synopsis; i guess i'll find out tomorrow. it's pretty confronting having to give people copies of your work, that's not finished, that still feels drafty. now i have to settle down and do some polishing.

*recent readings - the secret life of bees, ok for about 1/3 of the book, then got predictable and ordinaire; the reader, only ok but ultimately forgettable, didn't make much of an impression at all, maybe i shouldn't have seen the movie first; the dressmaker, wasn't sure about the style and had to stop, go back to the beginning and re-read when almost 1/3 way through because i was confused with all the characters, nobody seemed real or believable. i know it was gothic and hence meant to be strange, just didn't work properly for me; the gathering, fantastic. simply superb; the time traveler's wife, reading it now. love love loving it. the slap, not so much.

so out of 6 novels in the last 2 months i've liked precisely 2. maybe that's not too bad. i'm also reading the joan and bette gossip-bitch-fest. dipping into it when i want to get away from fiction.

also, don't know if my dad's read any of this yet. i was a little unsettled by the idea of him doing so, but then thought, fuck it. he was pestering me about it on and off over the years, perhaps it would make us closer? he's always busy doing his tax though. does anybody else's father always seem to be "doing his tax." is it a fatherly euphemism for something else? maybe he's a secret blogger?