Oh fragile, fragile humans are we. Twits all.

I'm not sure about Twitter. Actually, I am sure, I really don't think it's for me. It's boring mostly, although I admit there is an interest in some celebrities and their blatherings. It's funny; some people are way more ordinary and normal than you would expect, while others are so tedious (moonfrye zappa, I'm looking at you!). Demi and Ashton wear very thin after a while, especially his charitable mercy missions. John Mayer's gone quiet, but he was a little interesting for a little while, but he never said anything about Jennifer Anniston, which was admirable and irritating in equal measures. Oprah's jumped on the bandwagon but she doesn't say much. Yoko Ono is, well, Yoko Ono. She is exactly as you'd imagine and always says things like this:

Clean up the water inside your body. Let's be the oasis for the world. Even if you don't announce it, it will be felt by the whole world.
[As an aside I am reading a book of old Rolling Stone interview compilations. Skipped through Pete Townshend (boring, egomaniac), Jim Morrison (boring, stupid), Phil Spector (boring) then got to John Lennon. The interview is progressing for several pages, typical John anti-Paul diatribe, talking about how much of a genius he, Lennon, considered himself, then Yoko pops up with some silly comments. She was always there. And now she's on my twitter page as well. Always there. It's bizarre. Another aside: best interview so far is Andy Warhol interviewing Truman Capote on the reasons why he failed to produce a story for Rolling Stone (mag.), as commissioned, on the Rolling Stones (band) tour. It's simply a transcription of a taped chat the two had, walking through Central Park, trying to find the zoo, then getting a drink in a bar (I haven't finished it yet) all the while musing on the goings on with the Rolling Stones on tour, the groupies, the drugs etc. It's fascinating, not least because it's fucking Warhol and Capote. It's so endearingly conversational, with quite a remarkable exchange at the beginning about Capote's mother being an alcoholic, or was it Warhol's ma? Can't remember.]

When I first started following Yoko, she followed me back really quickly. So for the first week or so I had exactly 2 followers - my husband and Yoko Ono. Now I have 8 followers, including the very ex-boyfriend, who I haven't followed back and now he's gone quiet and hasn't "tweeted" for like ages. And of course I make that about me! he's humiliated because I haven't added him, oh yes, revenge is a dish best served cold, like 20 years later.
Stephen Fry is alternately boring and kind of interesting. He is on there commenting a lot. Nicole Richie, pretty boring, but some cool photos. Pink, pretty interesting. Delta Goodrem and Brian McFadden. YAWN. So yawn.
Who else is there. My old fave Jamie Oliver, bless him, he's beautiful and just as you'd expect. Diablo Cody is good, but not as good as in her blog, Sarah Silverman is good, with some good photos, and Lily Allen is kind of interesting/kind of boring. She's getting a bit too much, too many posts. I'm enjoying Jordan, she is ordinary and makes comments about her bust up with Pete Andre, without saying anything. John Cleese is good but he never writes anything these days. Melissa Gilbert, ie Laura from Little House on the Prairie is just normal but it's so bizarre to see her on my computer screen making comments. BIZARRE. And now people are asking her about whether people still call her "half-pint." Samantha Ronson and Peaches Geldof are a little dull. Just so far out of my generational reach, I think. Rove is ok, equal parts of self-promo and just funny wisecracks. Myf Warhurst is good, just the way I like 'em. Short, sharp and funny. Her "tweets" I mean, she's not out to impress or name drop or anthing. She's just crapping on about pizza or whatever. This is what I like. You can see they are real people. But while Warhurst talks about pizza, Pink mentions getting a taste of some Penfolds Grange. World's apart. You can see Rove sucking up to celebs though, especially Pink. I wish more comedians were on it. It would suit the way they operate. There are comedians with accounts, but they aren't doing anything. Something about being precious of their works?
Even Elizabeth Taylor is on there, for fuck's sake!
Another observation is that some old Melbourne bloggers are on there, and they are in no way as good in 140 characters as they were blogging. I've blocked a couple (makes me sound more important than I am, just took them off my list) because I hated seeing their whining or their self-absorbed streams of consciousness, and for some reason a word limit does not do them justice.
But the other day I sstumbled across something that showed how sad people can get, trying to chase celebs and get noticed. Following, are comments copied and pasted from one user on Twitter. This is just the last couple of days. Mrs Kutcher is Demi Moore, Kelly O is Kelly Osborne, and her mum Sharon. Katie Price is Jordan and Peter Andre, well, you know. And before you tell me to get a life, bear with me, there is a purpose to this...

Sarah:

I LOVE YOU X

THAT WAS SHITE !!!!
THANX CUM AGAIN LOL
R U CUMMIN !!!!!
@lv2gve you mean you love the ability to talk to celebs say they dont want to talk to you?
@followfridayVIP Its a sad thing if people only want 2 find friends on a friday it should be everyday !!!!

@followfridayVIP Thanx for the advice does this make me a ff viip lol ?
RING OUT THE OLD RING OUT THE NEW /RING OUTTHE FALSE RING IN THE TRUE (TENNYSON)

THOUGHT'S OF A DRY BRAIN IN A DRY SEASON .
@mrskutcher I've just read an article in one of your papers and have to say this celeb stalking thing is not good take care x

@Di65 Just a bit regarding an incident on friday about Mrs.Kutcher
@writer_gal OK IV'E JUST SEEN IT AND IT IS ALL IN VERY BAD TASTE YES EVERYONE IS RIGHT I DONT AGREE EITHER !!!!
@writer_gal I hope you are not refering to me as i,m no stalker idont even live in the same country!!!!!

@nahsta The most selfless thing i have done was give my intire wardrobe to the homeless x
@mrskutcher I have had nothing but abuse from the U.S and it's not nice since friday and i feel real sad about it x
@mrskutcher I hate to think im stalking you im not i would just appreciate for you to agree their is no bad feeling between us? xxx
THE FINAL IS NEXT WEEK FOLLOW ME AND I WILL GIVE U A MIN BY MIN UPDATE STRAIGHT FROM THE U.K AND MY HOUSE

Im from the U.k and susan boyle is living the dream and she is FANTASTIC YEAHHHHHHabout 5 hours ago from web

@peacefulwarrior Have you read the book the way of the peaceful warrior?
@CallMe_Goddess nite nite sweet dreams x
@thoward2009 The only drive thru we have is Mac D's

@thoward2009 yes im from the U.K

@followfridayVIP I dont get this ff any day of the week is cool

IM TRYING TO GET TO A HUNDRED FOLLOWERS COME ON MAKE MY DAY I WILL REPLY BACK LOVE AND PEAS XXX
@thoward2009 Whats a sonic burger?
SUSAN BOYLE TO WIN BRITAINS GOT TALENT YEAHHHHHHHH
@CallMe_Goddess what time is it there?
@AmandaSueki Hi how you doing today then and how's that butt of your's lol lol xxx
@PassionMetrics Hey my little mystery where have you gone hope i did'nt upset you
@CallMe_Goddess Im having a great time lol xx
@Di65 Its sharon gless i like although i like the other one also but queer as folk is great x
@PassionMetrics Hey where have you gone? xx
@Di65 Ilove cagney and lacey we have it here in the U.K
THE FIRST PERSON THAT CAN MAKE MY FOLLOWING TO 80 WILL GET A SURPRISE XXX
@PassionMetrics I feel now very houred that u reply and i dont have to payLOL xxx
@PassionMetrics Jolly good just saw your web site mmm?
@PassionMetrics publishing what?
@CallMe_Goddess yeah your right lol

AM I NOW LOVED BY MY AMERICAN COUSINS? xxx

@AlbionAli I dont think im the sara u no as i'm orig from london
@PassionMetrics Well i hpe your not feeling to bad now mystery woman lol xx
GOOD MORNING GOOD AFTERNOON AND EVENING AMERICA xxxx
@helsbells9 Good night sweet dreams xxx
@AlbionAli We should hook up for a coffee?
@AlbionAli Ilive in the centre of townxx
@AlbionAli so your from brighton?
@lv2gve Pleasure is all mine x
@AlbionAli where are you from?
Escala are on BGT FANTASTIC Classical at it's best xx
TO BE OR NOT 2 BE THAT IS THE QUESTION?
@eliseemoo What game u playing?
@helsbells9 IM from london what part are you going
Oh man you Americans are so lucky it's pissing with rain her in the U.K x
@helsbells9 That has made me laugh lololol xxx
@helsbells9 What a fukin idiot i am lol lol !!!xxx

@helsbells9 When is big bro starting?
SHAUN BY THE JUDGES CHOICE TO GO TO THE FINAL NEXT SATURDAYX

FLAWLESS HAVE MADE IT TO THE FINAL

It's the semi final tonight of britains got talen any followers ??? xxxx

@revswmn Keep you updated it's just come back on yeahhh
@revswmn Me and my friends are saying susan boyle to win !! yeahhh
@lv2gve IM curous about you u seem to be a mrs.kutcher stalker ?
Watching Britains got talent yeahhhh!!!!!

@mrskutcher Mrs.kutcher can you confirm to me there is no bad feeing? Im now having a bad time xxabout 10 hours ago from web in reply to mrskutcher
@thoward2009 Dont forget also the troops of the U.K and around the world
My thought's and love go out to the troops of the U.K and USA god bless to them all xxxxx

@CallMe_Goddess So am i LOL xx

@Kellya1023 Let your tree grow with love xx

@CallMe_Goddess u nut case lol xx

@Djay23 IM sure you are looking hot lol !!! xxx
@mrskutcher I would just like to appologise for the upset god bless sara claridge 1 xxx

Poverty and oysters always seem to go togeather? (Dickens) x

When i am dead i hope it may be said/his sin's were scarlet, but his books were read. xxx

@revswmn If theiir were more people like you the world would be a better place xx
@Djay23 I take it your still ignoring me ? enjoy the sun with your ladies lol xxx
@revswmn No problem lol thanx for being understanding xxx
@revswmn I just feel very misunderstood xx
@revswmn To be very honest AMERICA has seem to have pit me in the dog house i feel sad xxx
@CallMe_Goddess AMERICA dont seem to like me oh well cant please everyone!!although i do feel sad about it xx
@CallMe_Goddess No i'm ok i just found it all a bit much !!lol
HELLO TO AMERICA LOVE AND PEAS XXXXXX

@CallMe_Goddess hello love how are u im just getting over my onslaught from friday lol

@revswmn I hold my hand's up i was just making a point x
@revswmn I get your pont i was just trying to make a point take care x
@LJRoon Thanx for your comment x

@katalystkaryn Got your pint peas and love lol x
@PassionMetrics just out of interest why are you not lucky? x

That they have as much manners as me

Oh by the way mrs.kutcher ignored my appology i rest my case where celebs are involved !!!!!!

@revswmn who with?

I would like to say kelly o has the most disgusting mouth i've heard from a woman if you can call her that !!!!!!
@CallMe_Goddess I upset mrs.kutcher and half of america lol

So no ones prepared to follow the yellow brick road with me you all seem to be a little quiet tonight being that you had so much to say yest

@MissKatiePrice Your hubbie is a good guy and always has time for people its not what i have found with some celebs in u.s lol lol xxx
@MissKatiePrice Now i know how it feels when people are nasty to you i upset the us last night xxx

@MissKatiePrice Its sara from brighton hope your ok and the kids xxxxx
@MissKatiePrice Hi katie good to see a decent english person on here who is polite yeahhhh
@Djay23 Lets see how long that last's lol

@adam718 only u can answer that chap.
@CallMe_Goddess I upset the whole of the u.s last night lol

OMG just seen a munchkin shall i ask for his autograph lol

Well im on my yellow brick road if you come we will have fun lol
@mrskutcher And i do admire you as an artist and mother and wife x

@mrskutcher If you felt bullied it was not ment to come across that way and thank you for replying to me regards sara claridge1 xx

@mrskutcher mrs.kutcher i hope you can except my appology it was not ment to be an all out was and i do admire your integrity as a woman xxx

Being that i'm use to everyone's abuse if ther is a question u want from a celeb ask meI'm sure i'm well known in the u.s now lol 2 ask them

@CallMe_Goddess Thats because they are following me giving me a hard tim over mrs.kutcher lol
@PerezHilton Dont forget the guiness happy time's x

@yibberj2 Will do lol

Being that you think im a crank follow me on the yellow brick road to the emerald city lolx

@Lulinet Interested to no what your favourite book is? Mine is astonishing the god's by Ben okri it's a good read try and get it xxxx
@Kellya1023 Hvae a good time x

@Boppy12 Please dont send stupid dm's thanx

Only positive people need reply or i wont reply back thanx.

But im interested in those that supported my views i'd be greatful and will follow you as a friend thank you x

I dont want to go over old ground but would be iterested in positive feed back regarding mrs.kutcher i will reply to everyone.
will reply to positive answers cheers x
I would be interested on your thoughts about yesterday but only from those that supported what i had to say thanx guys sara x
@eliseemoo Thanx for your support i dont feel gret about the whole thing x
@yibberj2 Have a good day x

@mckennae Dong Ding lol

@yibberj2 Im going to send you my e.mail address through direct so it's more private and also talk about proof reading xxxxxx

@yibberj2 the sad thing is i would like to say sorry to mrs.kutcher but cant on here without people commenting!!!
@yibberj2 Im on here like everyone else to meet people and have a nice time thank you for your support x

@yibberj2 If you could see some of the abuse i took it wasn't very nice!

@yibberj2 i wanted to say to you i write quick and some of my keys get stuck hence the spelling lol
@yibberj2 Exactly it was an inonocent qestion that got out of hand !!

I'd hate to think people thought that was a publicity stunt it was not i just wanted an answer an i do admire mrs.kutcher as a person,

@yibberj2 Im not into arguing with people and now feel like the most hated person in the u.s x

The only comment i will make today re last night i have been very misunderstood and will appologise to mrs.kutcher by letter.

@yibberj2 oh ok sorry about that last night was a bit heavy !!! lol

@ThankTank Than you xxxx

@mckennae As one say's alway's look on the bright side of life !!!\

@mckennae I take it your an addict then?

@Cynnergies Im sorry toyu about last night i hpoe all is forgiven?x

Good morning everyone a new a new start and a good day for mrs.kutcher pleaseno more comments thank you.
@kalikitty67 And as for you im reporting your name today for the abuse ok

@ShelbyCooper66 well i can tell you now someone has hacked into my computer ok

@MissKellyO kelly you can tell your silly little friend she is or you are going to be done for hacking into my computer understand
@kalikitty67 what a load of shite you are talking your all beginning to sound like stuck records what you looking for praise from miss moor

@lynnedy how dare u accuse me of such things and whats it to you that ive been up for the night your hacking me and your in big shite!!!
@lynnedy What the fuck are you saying you think iv,e taken something are u crazt this is serios now and will be dealt with in the correct
@lynnedy Im +going to check your profile out and i may find answer>

@lynnedy I think your hacking into my computer or someoneis
@Ange_0079 Idont make a point of following celebs or plastic americans and i dont dislike americans i just dont like plastic ones
@lynnedy I want you 2 tell me where she comesinto it if this carries on there's going to agrovation

@lynnedy I was born 66 so that makes me 43 in a couple of months time and im 2 young to have heart attacks
@alexxxita Listen dont no what your talking about i dont no you so please dont waste my time yhank you
@lynnedy a celebrity b4 and wher does sharon o come in to it?

@lynnedy Listen who ever you are i dont make a point of being rude to anyone and i dont use twitter that oftenand iv'e never been rude to
@lynnedy you no full well im british why?

@DawnMarieLS by the look of your pic u look plastic like most americans except the exceptional few

@Pattytdb Im not digging u guys ok
@LLLGirl All your going by is someone on the movies u no this woman as much as i do
At some point u will find the brains to understand what i was talking about you americans just live in a plastic world good night

@lynnedy I dont feel obliged to tell where i live

@durancd yeah iv'e been around for a while and i do understand it's ive noticed this celeb thing is a piss take
@lynnedy yeah i did have a bet with a friend but it still does not involve mrs.kutcher kelly was taking the piss out of people

Im getting sick of this i have not bullied mrs.kutcher so get your facts right it was not directedat her alone
@lynnedy What interest is it to you what brighton i come from1:51 PM May 24th from web

@LLLGirl Get a life and go and stop trying to crawl up celebs arses
@lynnedy Idont no why u keep going on about kelly o i have no interest in her at all i think she is foul mothed and disgusting

@MADVIV You need to get a life your an arse licker !!!

@ecool Smart arse i type very fast hence the mistakes !!!
@lynnedy And what are you talking about re sharon o?
@lynnedy Dont no what your talking about?
@lynnedy I'm aware mrs kutcher can not speak unless she folows me hence why i said would she follow for a few mins so icould say sorry!!!!

Iv'e got nothing against mrs.kutcher and i'm not a wannabe and this is completley out of hand and i'm sure mrs.kutcher will thank you all !!
Thank you 4 an interesting evening good luck to you all regards sara claridge1 mins so i can appologise correctly i'd be very greatful with regards saraclaridge1 xx

@mrskutcher mrs kutcher i would just like to appologise with my outburst i hope we can talk privatley if you could just follow me for a few
@Pattytdb Mrskutcher has'nt replied and we have't spoken i will appologise what do you think send reply back private xx

@Lulinet Hey if i attacked you tonight it honestly was'nt at you so many people have shouted at me i got confused who was who im very sory x
@Pattytdb you seem about the only person that understands where im coming from ive been called all sorts tonight cheers anyway x
@ian_former I'ts just an observation i noticed and wanted to say something is that so wrong?
@LadyThawk Hey its ok i was just trying to get apoint across and have been hit with abuse x

@LadyThawk No problem sorry x

@carterm1 @LadyThawk No problem xGet a life you nerd

@MADVIV Im not bullying mrs kutcher at all i just wanted a simple answer but nosey people like u have to have the last word !!!

@Debplus4 Not really interested in what you have to say good job i have a spell check arsehole
@yibberj2 Tell me a writer with perfect spelling when there mad?

4 all u upstarts get over yourselves this wholr thing was not aimed at mrs kutcher ok so give me a break and go have some cookies x

@peelnet Im not negative or desperate i just wanted an answer from mrs kutcher and did not expect it to turn out like this !!!
@MADVIV satisfied !!!
@maineprmaven Excuse me i have enough friends and infact i like mrs kutcher i would have much like to have a one 2 one with her.
@Pattytdb Ilive in the uk x
@eliseemoo Im doing ok im just waiting for mrs kutcher to follow me so i can talk to her on an equal footing x
Like fuck is it equal footing on here your talking shite friend one rule for them and one for us!!!! from web
@yibberj2 I would you believe write comedy im just so pissed off for what comments people have made it will be good to stay in touch x
@Lulinet do u think mrs kutcher will reply to you for that question wow she was prgnant big deal!!!
@Pattytdb theres your answer bro mrs kutcher hasnt got back to me and thinks im going to sell this its something i would never do lol xx
@Pattytdb take the piss out of twetters tonight i dont want fame or fortune from this i just want a clear answer and im not into journalisam
@Pattytdb Im not looking for any publicity through this im a human being with a questions i want answered i watched kelly osbourne tonight

@Lulinet Im behind you if these celebs want to be on her they should have the respect not to be so fucking rude xxx

kutcher to answer my question on her terms!!!
I will reply to every question you want to fire at me im no crank im a graduate i dont need a councilour im passionate and would like mrs

It seems mrs kutcher is not prepared to talk to me one on one i can gurantee you all if i have to reply to you all and im all following you

@Debplus If you understood what ni was sying you would know what i'm saying so dont make comment if you dont understand the question!!!
@thoward2009 I'ts a pleasure xthanx for support x

Just one more thing if you dont want the aggro of followers then dont go on her unless your prepared to give people a fair trial

the truth and it seems ther's onlt a few on my side who agree and demi if you read this mate follow me so i can talk to you without wanabees

Exactly we are all hum,an with feelings but i wopuld like to speak to demi on a one 2one and i havent the time for arse lickers who dont say

i need to talk to you in private it's not fired at you as i said im just intrigued and i appologise if ive hurt your feelings regards sara x
@mrskutcher Demi im so sorry if ive offended you it's not what i.m about this is a conversation between you and i and no one else i feel
friends with people from all walks of life money or fame is not what im about i just wanted an answer im very srry if ive offended people xx
I seem to have made enemys thats not what i want i asked demi being that she is a woman of integrity im no celeb hunter its just nice to be

@mrskutcher woulld like us to stay in touch please surprise and you are a feelings person regards sara claridge xxxxx

@mrskutcher admire your work i'd like to think you would follow me as you seem adjusted and interesting im no celeb hunter im a writer and
@mrskutcher I do appologise if iv'e offended you in anyway that wasnt ment to be im a writer and just find it all a bit intriging and i do
like myself it can be very offending i appreciate you have alot of people wanting your attention but im baffeld that you dont respond??
@mrskutcher Hi demi im interested to no why celebs like yourself although i do admire you seem to not engadge in conversation with people

im no celeb hunter i like to meet people from all walks of life but it just so fucks me off to think you think you are better than us !!!!!
I thought the whole idea of twitter was to make friends and these celebs think we are not good enough to follow i rest my case!!!!!!!!

@MissKellyO you are such a piss taker thats what i like about you !!!

@MrsOsbourne Hi sharon can u please follow me as people here in the uk dont believe i can get u or kelly to follow me thanx sara brighton xx
@MissKellyO was i right sly stallones mrs?
@MissKellyO The bird that was married to sly stallone ? lol
@Kellya1023 suck'blow and swallow ha ha wish i was there with you lol ha
@AmandaHol your get use to this twitter thing im following you it would be nice if you could follow me i used to live round the corner from
@MissKellyO Kelly ive just bet with my mate here in u.k that you will follow me so please do me the favour cheers girl xxx

*******

Is it just me, or does this poor woman read as desperately and lonely and pathetic as I think she does? Literally begging for Jordan to "follow" her because people don't think she can get her to add her? It seemed she started in on Demi Moore because she wouldn't talk to her, and tried to get some sort of thing going with her, then obviously other people jumped all over her telling her to fuck off and that she was arselicking and chasing celebrities etc, and then she tried to justify herself, and deny it all. Now, I know I'm a sad case for even spending this much time on this, but it made me wonder - is this what we've come to? What would this woman do if she didn't have the Internet? Would she be stalking the lady at her local shop or the post man in her village? The World Wide Web is a terrific thing, but there has to be a negative, opposite effect. Is this one of them? People like this manage to alienate other humans as easily online (if not more so) than in real life.

What do you think? Have you had more social trouble online than off or would it be a true reflection of how you relate to others offline? Do you apply the same standards, manners, ethics or do you have a different set of "ways of being"?

It's a while since I asked questions like this. I would love to know what you think.

I'm all ears.