what do you look like when you come? (apols for layout of pics, too hard to adjust)

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stupid things i have done

starting with today - this is unbelievable. i walked into an art shop in prestigious high street, armadale and had a look around. i saw some paintings, one large one [woman in muted tones] with picasso signed in the bottom left corner, and a couple of smaller ones as well [abstract]. prices were $600 odd for the larger one and around $450 for the smaller ones. then i saw a couple of monet water lilies, for around $400. they were signed too.

i went and asked the sales assistant, prefacing my question with a rider, "i know this must be a silly question" and then asked whether they were real. she laughed [not at me, i don't think] [no!!!]. and said "no, they're not". I thought she was joking with me. Because you see, i thought my question was stupid because either a] they were so not real or b] they were so obviously real. so either way i looked like a dick for asking.

i said to her, "are you serious?" [meaning, are you telling me they are NOT real]

this is really bad, i know.

she said they are copies, but done in oils, so it's like having a print but you have the texture of the paint.

i guess part of my problem was they weren't [to me] famously recognisable pieces. i guess that would be too pathetic, to have a copy of say starry night or weeping woman in your lounge room.

you're right, there is NO EXCUSE

but do you see what i mean when i say stupid?? i can't believe it myself, and i know i will lose all credibility over this.

in my own defence, sometimes i think my brain doesn't work very well for normal everyday type stuff like money and paying bills and sometimes the simplest human interactions, but is more suited to the complicated stuff, like writing a thesis. come on, i'm a scholarship girl, and i got 3 h1s last year. i'm bright, aren't i??? i got 98% in english in hsc. i blitzed the police entry examination [but didn't get further because i'm too blind]. i know enough about politics and sociology and psychology and theology and a few other -ologies to be able to hold my own in a conversation.

but i can be really stupid.

other stupid things i have done [this doesn't even include the stupid things i have said]:

really bad driving #1driven my car over the edge of a car park and then realised and stopped when it was virtually teetering and then had to get engineers from the office to come and solve the problem of how to get it back where it was meant to be


really bad driving #2backed a car over edge [again] of carpark thingy up near warburton. got out of almost teetering car in panic with daughter out of baby seat, and a nice man fixed that as well

the cameraput brand-new canon slr camera on roof of car, and drove off

the lemon tartdid same with a lemon tart [20 years apart]

the horse ridinginsisted on my first horse-riding outing at the age of 7 that i DIDN'T need to be led by the son of the riding school operators, and i NEEDED to turn my plodding horse around to enter that wood where all the adults are jumping over that fallen log. then DIDN'T let go and fall from my bolting, non-jumping horse until i was FORCED to let go by having a low-hanging tree branch wack me in the forehead. then i fell on a log with a broken branch which went into my leg, cutting my jeans. wouldn't let anyone look at it, got up behind one of the adults, who took me back to the "ranch" where i burst into tears when i saw my mum. she took me up to the house, got my jeans off me. i remember seeing a hole in my leg. doctor eagle who worked on sundays stitched me up [12 of them] but i my mum reckoned he was drunk after sunday lunch, because he did such a bad job. mum still apologises about not getting me plastic surgery. i don't care. it's a good story.

the rats
bought my daughter pet rats in an effort to stave off her demands for a puppy. we were living in our funky st kilda apartment at the time and couldn't have a dog. i think they became traumatised one day when i vaccuumed in the sunroom and then something caught my attention out of the corner of my eye. i looked and one rat was in the exercise wheel, only it was sped up like in a movie, mentally spinning until the wheel tipped sideways and the rat got caught, wriggled out and then was into the plastic igloo like lightning. they were timid after that, and bit my daughter and then me, so they had to go.

the hanging harvey errorthere was a competition at one of the early shopping centres when i was about 6 or so. it wasn't chadstone, but another one, one of the early 'lands', can't remember which one. the idea was if you got chosen you had to stand up on the stage, and whoever could blow up a balloon and be the first to pop it by blowing only, could choose whichever game they wanted, from the vast and exciting array on display. yes, mousetrap was there. yes, i wanted it. badly. so badly that i blew and blew so so so jard and fast that when i won the competition, a combination of stage fright and the dizzy spins made me say the wrong thing. hanging harvey. i have never gotten over it.

this is just a quick list, there are certainly more but this is enough for now

final fling

just want to do one more little post on the recent bombings. it's gotten under my skin that people don't seem to understand what is going on culturally and politically here.

this morning on the radio [yes daggy old 774] i heard a segment called the world according to scott featuring scott burchill who is a lecturer in international relations at deakin uni [here in melbourne]

after i stopped thinking 'what a great title for a blog - the world according to moi' i listened to what he was saying.

and what he said echoed and reinforced what i have been saying.

[paraphrasing here] basically that the bombings are a result of policy. and that the americans show their self-interest regarding which countries they "get involved in" [ie in a peace-keeping way or an invading way]. that the chances of australia suffering terrorist attacks are greater now because we also became "involved". and that islamic countries are feeling angry due to several things: israel/palestine; atrocities in the US prisons and the occupation of Iraq.

also i mentioned earlier about the insult to muslims worldwide about things that have been reported as happening at abu ghraib and guantanamo. the recent riots in afghanistan [which interestingly lead to newsweek retracting its story - a whitewash i believe] which were caused by reports that korans had been mishandled [understatement]. this is a huge offence to any muslim, moderate or fanatical. and the cultures and customs practised in muslim/islamic countries mean that things like this require revenge. the concept of saving face is one that westerners don't truly understand or share. also the photographs of iraqi prisoners with dog leashes around their necks [dogs are considered very dirty animals by muslims. it is a great insult to call someone a dog], naked prisoners tied up and displayed, made to masturbate in front of women. this treatment is disgusting and it makes me angry and ashamed. imagine how it makes a person whose religion teaches that you must practice modesty [men and women], and remain chaste before marriage [matter of conjecture whether this is followed, anecdotal evidence suggests not].

enough said.

ps can anyone explain to me how no one noticed abandoned items [rucksacks in some articles, parcels in others] left on seats on the bus and trains? when i lived in london in 1990, everybody noticed things like that [because of ira bombings]. you would think that they would still be in the manner of thinking like that, alert [if not alarmed]. it's the way we need to start thinking here too. when i lived in istanbul in the early-to-mid '90s, terrorist bombs were a regular thing. the old part of istanbul didn't have any rubbish bins. they were all taken away because it was too easy to just leave something in there, and it would be hidden from sight. i remember getting nervy standing in lines to use public phones, and not wanting to hang around crowded places, especially if there were soldiers there on leave. they were targets you see, as well as tourist areas. in those days "terrorist" was not an exclusive term reserved for al-qaeda et al. it included the ira, the pkk, hezbollah and other organisations. things have changed and we need to change with the times.

read this - war on terror

this is a pretty good article, light on the polemic and propaganda. it's not inflammatory, but merely states a few interesting points

http://www.theage.com.au/news/opinion/this-is-no-way-to-wage-the-war-on-terror/2005/07/10/1120934123814.html

getting the london thing over with, can't ignore it

there are some people saying that london was bombed because of the olympic thing. seriously.

check it out [warning here about this blogger's profile pic, don't even ASK what i was doing here... thank you] http://fellatioperformer.blogspot.com/2005/07/al-qaeda-will-never-win.html

do you know what? people are buying the line that the evil terrorists are out to destroy freedom-loving westerners; to rip apart "life as we know [and love] it". apparently they are not pissed off about being invaded and the u.s. being the modern-day imperialists that they are; they are not concerned with illegal and pre-emptive invasions and the way the u.s. attacks and then sets up house anywhere there might be something in it for them [and then pave the way for huge work contracts for the boys, ie halliburton]. i suppose they don't mind that the coalition of the willing have caused the deaths of 100,000 iraqis, how many afghanis, etc etc?

and let's not get into the israel thing.

no, the baddies [them] don't like the goodies [us] apparently and that's all. and they want to hurt us. just because they are evil and their holy book tells them to destroy infidels. and because they hate that we can wear bikinis at the beach instead of a chador, we don't have to grow huge moustaches and our women can have sex before marriage[and not then be killed by their brothers or fathers]. oh yes, and we can also work, and vote in a democracy [!] and have really nice houses and can get to the milk bar without getting caught in sniper crossfire.

oh no, what am i doing? i am perpetuating a stereotype here. mustn't do that.

you know what else? muslims are just the new baddies on the block. simply because they are the new Other. we are now used to vietnamese, chinese, italian, greek. and if this was an italian blog, or a vietnamese blog, just take out all the nationalities and mix them up a bit.

it's all relative. we are all humans. there are goodies and baddies within all societies.

i don't like the equation muslim = terrorist. i don't like the equation islamic fundamentalist group = hotbed of terrorism. hysteria and witch-hunt'y type voices don't help. but they sell newspapers. and get votes. and ultimately keep control. breed fear = control.

now that's an equation i don't like either but i think it's true.

be careful of stereotypes, be careful of the agenda of our and other governments, be aware of the propoganda of fear, think for yourself.

AND i think we are all going to start to suffer from terrorist fatigue in much the same way as we [i] am experiencing natural disaster fatigue. i don't think i even rang ANYONE when the tsunami happened. i was shocked and upset and i just had to process it on my own, that one. it was too awful. this latest thing in london is just one more in a long [and infinite] examples of the atrocities that people can bring to other people. on purpose, for whatever reason, ad infinitum.

look back at history and see the future, unfortunately.

now i'll go and get my english copy of the koran and try to look up some references. let's face it, we all buy what we are told in the media about the koran because none of us [non-muslims] have read it.

on a cold sunday

it's cold in melbourne but today was sunny. and it's the end of the holidays [clapping and satisfied smile]

well i've been busy the last few days but would like to share a special experience: seeing the vienna boys' choir.



i did go the tear during the first song, then for the rest of it, we were laughing about how we had been madly waving to the wrong girl-child in the australian children's choir [who were singing with vienna boys], watching the little ones falling asleep in their chairs and slumping down more and more until they were out of sight behind the bannister, worrying about the puddle of water i was sure the bunch of roses i had ready for special girl were making on the floor [terrible grammar there, but no time to go over], trying to open small packets of jelly beans, then trying to squeeze my fingers in to get some out, then dropping them. then i fantasised about writing a blog about the whole thing. about how maybe the boys are held against their will and made to sing, about how one boy on our side at the end had arms longer than anyone else [they were really long], and how he only became slightly more animated once they sang a song in German. i wondered about them hitting puberty and whether any of them go through rebellious phases, like teenagers here. i thought about arcane audition processes and terrible corporal punishments for not hitting the right notes [think farinelli]

i was expecting a huge choir but there were only 28 of them. i wonder if there is a base group and they rotate for tours, some of them looked so young. i imagined what they do in their downtime - playstation on the tour bus? comic books? catching a movie wherever they are, from harry potter to star wars. i suppose they are just ordinary boys. i also wondered whether the older ones get groupies, perhaps nicky webster was one [when she was younger of course]

they wore cute sailor suits but without the berets [spewing about that]

they are called the wiener sängerknaben.

hello!

for anyone who has read my bits on hotwater bottles, mine has sänger written on it.

sängerknaben means boy singers. so my hottie is a singer, as well as a hottie.

this is a tenuous link and perhaps boring, but for me it is meaningful.

ps target is selling hotwater bottles with "hottie" on them. but still i will stick with the sänger.

afl full of spliffers? [is that a real word? is now]

i heard on the radio the other day that the afl is refusing to sign an agreement on a drug code because cannabis can show up in urine for up to 4 weeks after use.

rugby and other codes are happy to sign. maybe that's because bundaberg rum and xxxx beer don't show up as illicit substances.

but perhaps afl players are pot heads. see this sentence.

demetriou says that the afl already has the one of the toughest drug testing policies in the world, and therefore signing the agreement would be doubling up. it seems.

for a full, non-yahoo read, look here.

postscript again to mummy's boy stories punch buggy purple no returns

ok. seems someone thinks that i got on the mummy boy rant because of him. baby, it's not you. this is how i am going to prove it. it was a knee-jerk reaction to:

1. hearing jennifer keyte on 774 [yep, i'm a dag] talking about research in italy that reveals the hotel mama phenomenon. men aren't moving out of home

2. the publicity about mark latham's book

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now this person that i am madly in love with has an italian background, and perhaps in the past has been a bit of a mummy's boy. but i cherish his closeness with his family. i love the fact that he loves women, because i am one. but i say that whether he is, or isn't an MB, the fact that he:

- tells me he loves me all the time, and is sober
- doesn't break up with me, then get together, then break up with me, then get together... you know the drill
- gives me flowers frequently and takes me out for nice wonderful lovely meals [ see my posting june 15]
- doesn't make excuses about why he can't see me. he is like "i'm so there, baby" whenever. wherever.
- calls when he says he will
- isn't having sex with anyone else
- isn't married to someone else
[all big no'nos if you are trying to figure out, well, whether he is into you. see He's Just Not That Into You ]

in short, he never leaves me having to make excuses for him: ie, oh he's tired, he's scared of commitment, he doesn't want to rush me, he doesn't want me to think he's too keen, he's playing it cool, he is busy... blah de blah.

plus He [note the capital H]:
- treats my daughter really well
- is kind and has never, never shouted at me. ever.
- is thoughtful and generous
- makes me laugh, often [this is very difficult to do, i tell you]
- is patient and understanding when i say this has to go really slowly [and by that i mean really slowly]

means that he is the nicest most gorgeous man-boy i have ever met.

i am so lucky.

PLUS, the best thing, that surely no mummy's boy could ever really do well?...

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he goes down on me like you would NOT believe.

how to make disney on ice skaters fall over

first - wait until the first scene which might be the aladdin section

turn to friend who has seen disney on ice four times before

ask: has anyone ever fallen?

hear the reply: no, i’ve never seen it happen

then wait: soon, aladdin will trip on the ice and kind of half fall but recover quite well

feel sick and know it was your fault

think: i shouldn’t have said anything,
think: it’s because i’m here

say: it's because i'm here
hear the reply from friend: it's never happened before

then a bit later, as ariel [from little mermaid] starts to skate/dance with whoever her prince is, try not to think: i wonder if it will happen again.

it does.

watch: ariel hits the ice as she is doing some sort of spin with her prince. he has her by the hands and was giving her a whizzy whirl [no, no!! your inner voice screams]. she loses her balance and her legs are kind of dragged on the ice. she gets wet tights and a red flush along her chest.

now sit there, really tense, keeping all thoughts from mind.

imagine: ariel swearing you fuck at her prince backstage.

spend rest of performance not daring to breathe and deciding never to go to ice show again.

mummy's boys part two

shane warne is a mummy's boy - he just didn't think when she told him to take slimming tablets. he just didn't seem to think that chasing other women while married was not a good idea. today's age mentions him:

roaring in anger... at the discovery that an amount of money he'd put in a sock seemed to have disappeared, only to find it in the other sock. Angry and bellowing about a stolen jumper, Warne was told the jumper was out on the ground where he had left it.

ok, perhaps he's not a mummy's boy - just an idiot. but this is the behaviour of a spoilt man. and men are spoiled by their mummies.

glenn the outback house overseer i suspect is a mummy's boy. insolent and childish, selfish and pathetic - he sulked and was so passive-agressive it was excruciating to watch. thank god the boss gave him the arse and he left. he was an absolute dickhead.

This from an article found online:

Comic Bernard Manning, who lived with his mother Nellie for 20 years, said men who stayed at home were making the right choice.

He said: "They are getting everything done for them - their shirts ironed, their beds made, meals on the table - and things a wife would never dream of doing, like ironing the cuffs and collars of your shirts.

"A wife would leave those, saying 'That's good enough'. With mothers, nothing is good enough for their sons."

leo di caprio - mummy's boy
colin farrell - yep, mummy's boy
kevin costner - complete mummy's boy
bill clinton - oh yeah

it's unconfirmed but i bet andrew landeryou IS and russell crowe too [see this http://www.burningblue.org/potpourri/ash/wbyh1.htm for an off-topic but freakout story]

but i bet johnny depp ISN'T

jury is out on matthew wales - maybe he was [hence the problems] and maybe he wasn't [hence the ability to top her just like that]

Maybe soon we'll be able to find out more as there is a call out for mummy's boys to take part in a new documentary. if anyone's interested perhaps get in touch, though i'm sure they've had no shortage of men applying. i'm sure lots of men would have no problem appearing on national television in a 6 part doco called mummy's boys, having been described as men who don't do very much for themselves and go running to mummy when things go wrong for them.

Extreme call for MUMMY'S BOYS
found at http://www.niftc.co.uk/newspage.asp?id=32&storyID=451
09 March 2005
Extreme Productions are looking for men between the ages of 25 - 45 to take part in a six part documentary series called MUMMY'S BOYS.
The criteria, broadly speaking still lives at home or is married/co-habiting/other but still runs home to mummy for advice, dinner whatever doesn't do very much for themselves can't or won't clean, cook etc.
We all know somebody!
We are also looking for their mummy's to take part.
If you know anyone who fits this profile, contact:
Michelle - Extreme Production LtdAssistant Producer Extreme Production1 Church ViewHolywoodBT18 9DP michelle@extremeproduction.com tel: 02890809050mobile: 07870208188

further reading:
anyone wanting to read more seriously on this topic, here is an interesting article online
http://www.achillesheel.freeuk.com/article12_3.html

harsh? tell me about it
just let me go and get some chocolate

want your foreskin back?

currently, this blog seems concerned with all things male. from hardness to blackness, to how men can leave home and grow up

while you are waiting for the next installment of mummy's boys, here is a gem for you

for those of you who have no foreskin and would like it returned to you, check out
foreskin restoration at http://www.cirp.org/pages/restore.html

please note, this is to grow it back, not buy one at a shop or hunt down your original one

postscript to story below

i've just re-read this. i take back what i said about almost being glad latham didn't get in. i would have rathered anyone than the prick we have now. but that's neither here nor there.

mummy's boys

part one

mark latham is a self-confessed mummy’s boy.

Mum was my one true hero. If anyone ever called me a mummy's boy I'd wear it as a badge of honour because love of my mum and what she did for me is something that's been, y'know, up there as the most important thing in my life.
this is the answer here, for all you people wondering why mark had the massive dummy spit, went silent on the tsunami, quit politics [not just the leadership] and went the number one razor. he is a spoilt mummy'sboy who doesn't know how to keep his temper, control his reactions and think things through. now he has put whatever [little] credibility the ALP has remaining into the toilet with his new spit the dummy it's not fair book, and i for one, am almost glad he didn't get in. yes i voted for him. gave him a chance after voting greens for years. i thought perhaps there is a chance with this guy. at least he's trying and has a voice, unlike the eunuch beazley.

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i read in the paper that more than 80 percent of italian men aged between 18 and 30 still live with their parents. this has been named the “hotel mama” phenomenon.

hello?

i heard on the radio on thursday that there is a similar trend here, but it is divided fairly equally between the sexes. boys and girls are staying longer at home because they can’t afford to move out of home [so they say] or life is too good at home [now i think we’re getting warmer]

one caller said life is more liberal now and young people can bring their girl and boyfriends home and have sex with them. so in the past people had to move out so they could have regular, stress-free, non-car sex, whereas now they can have regular, really relaxed sex – with their parents in the next room watching the bill.

so basically kids can just stay at home, as long as they want, do what they want, and then maybe move out just as their parents become incontinent and infirm – they need to live their own lives you know. they don’t need to be tied down by having to look after the oldies.

one mother was laughing on the radio as she admitted she does her sons’ washing, irons their shirts, cooks for them, changes their linen once a week, and even makes their packed lunches every day [her reason was she doesn't want them in her kitchen. what an idiot]

do you clean his foreskin for him too lady?

one woman called in and said “how are these young people going to become independent?” i thought, here we go a voice of reason.

but she stopped right there

i wanted to call up and tell them that they were all missing the point.

what sorts of partners are these men going to make in their adult relationships? if they have grown up having a woman [mother/slave] doing everything for them, then how are they going to have an equal* relationship with a woman, and share responsibilities and burdens with her?

this is the stuff of my parents’ generation. live at home until you are married, then go straight from mummy’s apron strings to wifey’s.

what the hell is going on??

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my question here is: who has benefitted most from these new arrangements? is it the woman who works a full-time week, runs around town ferrying children to dance/footy/drama/tennis/swimming class? hauling groceries, cooking, cleaning the house, looking after pets, keeping on top of the garden, keeping on top of her husband.

i think not.

i think it’s her husband/partner who has help now to pay off the mortgage, while he can still enjoy his sport and beer. how nice. the children aren’t better off [because they are in professional care]. the woman isn’t better off. [working a 40+ paid working week in addition to the unpaid whatever hours are left deal she has at home]

i don’t think so.

i need a wife. i know this has been said before, but my life would be so much easier if i didn’t have so much to do. then i might be able to write that novel, paint that picture, learn that language and take that dance class.

i know, wait until retirement. well, it’s a fuck of a long way off and i will be really, really tired by then.


* i don’t believe true equality is possible. feminism to date has just achieved a certain amount of freedoms [ie we can have sex without too much public censure, we can have abortions when we need them**, we can divorce without fault*** etc. BUT we can also work our fucking arses off in addition to doing most of the child rearing and domestic work, because on that front, ie child and home stuff, men simply are not doing that much more.]

** this may change if the current ugly and right-wing forces have their way

*** this has also benefitted men – they can now have affairs and abuse their women without being penalised through divorce/property/custody settlements


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Coming – mummy's boys part two. Just to get you going, pick the mummy’s boys from this group:

adolf hitler, elvis, bill clinton, leo di caprio, matthew wales, eminem

Also, do you fear the greer – why germaine greer is so hated

pencils and their lead

did you know that hb stands for hardness and blackness. interestingly the word “pencil” may have come from the latin word pencillus which means little tail. this word might also be thought to refer to the word penis, which might also mean little tail, but not writing implement. supposedly.

there is a scale which moves from hardness to blackness
[talking about pencils here, not penii] [i think]

9H 8H 7H 6H 5H 4H 3H 2H H F HB B 2B 3B 4B 5B 6B 7B 8B 9B

note that HB is the standard writing pencil

hot water bottle with an agenda

a reader sent in this pic of a hot water bottle. in comparison, mine is boring, it just says "sanger"
a is meant to have an umlaut. la nadine, how do you do those?





















in case you can't read it, i have clumsily photoshopped it here: