it's that time of year again, isn't it dear ex-husband? remember last year? i do, with great fondness as i rushed around, right about this time, or even a bit later i think it was, even closer to christmas, making bookings for princess to go and stay with you in america.
remember those wonderful days, when you would text and call me at all hours, impatient and derisory, saying things like "if only you were professional and good".
well, listen, bucko. i aint a travel agent. and i aint your wife anymore, so you can fuck off with your professional and good.
so it's around this time you come into my life with your texts and your phone calls and your demands. and i can't tell you to fuck off because the person we both love most in the whole wide wonderful world hovers between us, like human fairy-floss, both of us wanting to hold it and adore the pinkness.
so, you two have made a plan to go to brisbane. great. no really, i mean it. GREAT. why wouldn't i be happy for my daughter to go to all those worlds up there, movie, wet n' wild and sea. and why wouldn't i want to help out with flight bookings and accommodation. after all, i want her to travel and stay safely and pleasantly. i do want to smooth things, keep things cool. why would i want to tell you to fuck off, make your own reservations?
but please, just stop telling me that I'M making things difficult, when you don't see me on my little hamster-wheel, spinning spinning to try and work things out for you. i work really hard over here, i'm busy as anything, yet i prioritise your demands to keep things smooth. so you go to your fucking james bond movies, you go and get drunk over there in london. i don't mind. but please be polite to me. thank me for my efforts. don't cut me down. when i call you to ask if your drivers' licence is current, and what the address is on it, don't tell me i'm causing problems, and why haven't i managed to finish all this in the 2 days you've given me to do it.
you've given me to do it?
i must have missed the fact that i'm a slave to your schedule, how could i have possibly not realised?
so don't make with the nice with me one minute and then turn on me like that. try and be civil all the time, and don't make it seem like you're doing me a favour just because you control your temper, you don't get angry at me because i might not understand straight away what you are saying in your thick fucking accent over the phone.
so enjoy your trip to brisbane. i hope you don't stay in melbourne long. i hope we can get through this without an argument. or without me getting that familiar sick feeling of hotness and nausea when you are around and you are not happy.
your former wife