Thursday, April 13, 2006

am i a real dope?

ok, this is one of those cotton-type posts where you get to vote.

yesterday, when i said i dropped a bag of dope into the caulfield police station, i was not jesting, dear readers.

in the garden, right under princess' bedroom window, we found a large jetstar bag filled with a huge quantity of hydroponic-type organic stuff, which reeked of something other than garden herbs.

i could see the little star-shaped leaves. all dried up. i could see the heads.

it had been wrapped, taped and tossed over the fence. so it seems.

these were the options:

1. try to sell

2. keep to smoke

3. throw in bin

4. throw in bin up the street

5. give to friends

6. hand in to police.

now before we go any further, i must explain john was home from work, organising some plumbing. so, we had the fatherly greek plumber out there as well. in the garden, near the bag of dope. in fact they kind of found it together.

"that looks like marijuana" said the greek plumber, in his accented english. "is it yours?"

"does it?" said john. he has never seen it before. "no, it's not mine!"

"well, i'm going to throw it away, whatever it is," said john and came inside to show me.

i was sitting at the dining table, thesising. i stuck my world-weary head in the bag and smelled the smell. it had been a long while, my friends. i picked out great clumps of the stuff and looked at it closely.

"i'm pretty sure that's dope, honey," i said.

then we had a conversation about what to do with it. options 1,2 and 5 were out of the question. we are fine, upstanding citizens.

the complication was, dear friends, i think this house has been a hydro house in a past life. when we moved in, there were (and still are) holes in the ceilings of the three kids' rooms, some patched some just left. holes arranged in such a way that they form a large rectangle across the ceilings. also, we found a circular hole sawed into the floorboards in a corner of one of the rooms. just left there, with the carpet over the top. so anybody's ankle could go through it.

so i had my suspicions. also, wondered how the young landlord/developer got so rich to be able to own this house, as well as three neighbouring houses. how come his father knows what marijuana looks like?

i don't think there's necessarily any connection between this house's past life, and this bag o' dope in our garden. a coincidence? BUT i didn't want it in our bin. garbage is not collected until monday and there may not be one next monday.

i also didn't want it in another bin in case someone came looking for their dope. i don't want to be in the middle of a drug war, or similar. i wanted it on record that we'd found it, and handed it in. [stop it! i can hear you groaning.]

so i called the police station. spoke to a cop and he said to bring it in. i said i didn't want to drive with it in my car. (we are talking a lot of stuff here. like a small pillow's worth, from my elbow to fingers long at least and a foot wide. think grass clippings in a large plastic bag, several handsful. this was not some "youth stash". this was a big business delivery or something like that gone wrong. it was at least half a kilo)

the police man said to put it in the boot, and gave me his name in case i got stopped.

i drove it to the station and took it in, and handed it in.

i told another officer about the house, how we found it in the garden. he was going to call the agent, he said it sounds like the house was used at some stage for that kind of operation, that electricity would have been re-routed, as it costs thousands. and that's what they do.

i said to him "look, i've got three kids. we've done the right thing here. i don't want my door kicked down in the middle of the night by police. i don't want my kids scared. if anyone wants to come and look at the house, they're welcome. just make an appointment."

he said that shouldn't happen.


oh, and i got a receipt. which very drily says i do not wish the good returned. it's not a wallet with money or a gold ingot we're talking about here. and it has written in the property description section '1 x bag "marijuana" '

not happy about those quote marks. when i asked the officer what will happen with it, he looked me right in the eyes and said "it'll be destroyed."

"rubbish," said my friend on the phone today, "they'll sell it."

the other funny thing was my palms were itching like mad yesterday morning. and that's stopped.

easy come, easy go.

so, now you get to vote.

1. we are idiots.

2. we did the right thing.

be honest. i don't mind. we know we did the right thing, but what would you have done?


elaine said...

I would have smoked it. I'm like that.

But...I don't have kids or a partner or anyone who would be directly affected if the cops broke my door down.

(Fungie would probably sleep right through a police raid and so would I unless they woke me and said hey scumbag ho! This yours? and beat me up with a rubber truncheon when I woozily say no. Not that cops would do that)

I think you did the right thing.

sublime-ation said...

I'm wih Lainey.

You know me, I'm a bloody rasta. Unlike everyone else of my generation I don't really like any other drugs though promise...(although I don't see herb as a drug).

Your friend is right, they will sell it, but what can you do about that?

A mate of mine moved into an old church which used to be used for growing. He was enjoying the free electricity for months and months. He's Aboriginal so he's like, 'Fuck em. They've taken enough. It's karma', and I said 'fair nuff'.

Kymmy said...

You did the right thing. If it were a smaller amount, then maaaaayybe you could have dealt with it in a different way (no pun intended!), but given the quantity of the stuff, you wouldn't want to have that anywhere near you.

The little devil on my shoulder is telling me you could've kept just a little bit for yourself, if you were a toker, but he's a little devil for a reason you know :)

michellesarah said...

Aww shit, I wish that happened to me. I love drama like that.

I would definitely taken it to the cops, but I would've had to argue with TallBoy for a few days first. He's pretty easy-going, but he hates it when I get my 'DramaHead' on and want to call the cops or the firemen or whatever. He would've just wanted to chuck it in the bush somewhere instead, he would think it was a mistake to have your name attached to that bag even if it's in a 'She just found it' kinda way.

But I would've gone to the cops. For the drama, y'know.

problematic said...







That's all.

fluffy said...

I don't smoke pot, which makes me an excellent dealer.

I would have given it away or sold it by the quarter but probably both. But I'm like that. A bit werrrr. A bit a of a geezer. A quarter goes for $50 - $80 depending on the quality. Conservatively, that bag could have made you $7000.

I respect your decision to do as you did, but in terms of keeping the bad karma away from your house and family I think going to the police is a bit like going to bad karma headquarters and giving them a spare key.

The little hole in the floorboards should be thoroughly investigated. If more stash is found please call me for safe and friendly disposal.

MelbourneGirl said...

thanks for your honesty everyone. i like the fact that i made cotton use more than one question mark in his irate reaction.

you might be right fluffy, it might make them come and raid us or something. but so be it. i have nothing to hide. and then michellesarah can get off on the post that THAT drama will no doubt spawn.

and mr cotton, if you were still living here, i would have given it to you. how does that make you feel?

i'm just joking, i wouldn't have. still would have done the same thing.

and about the paranoia; i think only people who really know how the world works get paranoid. assuming they are not mentally ill of course. there is a bit of a situation here, with the landlord. it's not out of the question that him and his father might be involved. and they are annoyed that things keep going wrong with this house, and they have to fix it. especially as they want to tear it down and develop here. so to them it's wasted money. i even wonder whether it was a little set up, cause his father was here at the time. the bag turned up while he was there. and i forgot to say, he asked john "you smoke? you smoke?" meaning, keep it and smoke it.

then, if they tipped off the cops and they did raid us, then we are in the shit.

so i might have done things a little differently if:

a. landlord's father had not seen it

b. i wasn't with john who is very moral and upstanding

c. i still smoked the stuff

HOWEVER it was a frighteningly large amount; we're talking almost corby proportions. no way you could argue it was for personal use if you got busted.

so i am comfortable with the decision.

i knew it would make some of you think i was a complete dickhead.

and i'm trying to be conservative and do the right thing all the time. i'm a lot older than all of you; life makes you tired.

but i do admit to liking a bit of drama and adventure. i get good stories that way.

nick said...


You were handed a godsend. I don't touch the stuff.

Youcould have put your kids through college.

You could have gone on a round trip holiday around the world.
You could have should have.

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michellesarah said...

Anonymous, you dodgy Dennis *winkz*

Steph said...

I would have smoked myself into a coma. Weeeeeeeeeee!

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Chai said...

Nah... you did the safe thing, which is the right thing. Who knows what sort of adventure you'd have had had you kept it, may have turned out to be like Lock Stock, the movie, or some variant of it. That'd would have been exciting :-)

BEVIS said...

Well done, MG. You did the right thing, even if you would have behaved differently under different circumstances. Maybe I should be congratulating John for being the sort of person who'd hand it in regardless and had never seen the stuff before.

I am dead-set against the stuff and don't find it a laughing matter at all.*

But I have a big reason for this (and an angry story or two to go along with it, as well), which I may blog about some other time. I nearly got into it here, but that's not appropriate and would have gone on far too long.

I don't care what everyone else thinks of me for having this stance, but nobody knows my background on this topic.

I'm glad you handed it in.

* That being said, Cotton's response made me laugh. What can I say? I'm a complicated individual.

Tammiodo said...

Really and truly, good on you for handing it in for your family's sake.

On one hand i'm very very glad things like this DON'T happen to me, because "looking forward to getting caught up in a drug war" is not something I would write on my profile. That said, sometimes I wish things like that DID happen to me, because i'm really really broke at the moment. However, I would probably be too scared to sell it, and either end up smoking myself into a complete stupor and getting caught, or, even worse, getting caught BEFORE i had a chance to sell OR smoke any. It would go something like this:
policeman: "Miss, your number plate appears to be a little lopsided, i thought I'd pull you over and let you know before it fell off and you lost it altogether. Hi ho, what's this then? A big bag of dope strapped securely into your passenger seat. Righty-ho, off to jail for you then."

Good work.

DJ said...

Classic! A real life "The gods must be crazy" scene...

Magical_M said...

I don't know what I would have done. And that's the honest truth.

I think there are merits for all the options (except 2, because I'm not a real fan of how my throat feels after).

You did what you thought was right though so don't let anyone give you shit about it.

Even though Cotton's response was highly amusing.


Riss said...

MG, I think you did the right thing. I wouldn't have known what to do about it... Probably would have put it in with the Green Waste. From the way you describe it there does seem to be something possibly dodgy going on. You are looking at it from the point of view of someone who has a family to look out for and doesn't want that kind of aggravation.

Good on you, well done.