Monday, August 28, 2006

monday crush

on saturday, in the age good weekend magazine, there was an article which featured several men of different ages being interviewed about their lives, and specifically about the male experience.

now, i've always liked danny katz, but i've never fancied him before. i've enjoyed his wry form of observational humour, in his columns, for several years. but in the paper, there was a photo of him, with very nice, smart glasses, that gave me a small frisson of something-or-rather. and he wasn't holding his chin. you look. most photos of him, he has his chin in his hand. don't know why. but if i ever get into conversation with him, i will ask him and tell you straight away.

when princess moved schools last year, she moved into the grade of mr katz's son.

earlier this year, i went to a parents' morning tea, held at the house of the writerly one. he wasn't there. i'm sure he shipped out, expecting it would be insufferable with all these loud women standing around eating cake and gobbing like turkeys about school and the like.

or maybe he was there, listening at an ajar door, gathering material.

anyway, i cooked this to-die-for chocolate torte, and then gave out the recipe at school the next week. i went up to him, as he was standing with someone who had been at the morning tea. i was introduced to him as danny, and he proceeded to prove the following:

what do you like most about being a man?
i adore women. i adore flirting with women. in fact, i don't think i can talk to any woman without flirting, even if i'm not attracted to her.

and he was a bit flirty. kind of just looked right at me, big smile, handshake. i even made a joke that he chuckled at, i can't remember now what it was, something about the torte. you know, tortes are hilarious. and he made a crack back. can't remember his either.

anyway. he's often at school for pick-up, more often than mitch, his loverly wife. and she is tall. something he referred to in the interview, in a most charming way:

if you could make a major life change, what would it be?
i need to become a better partner to my wife. we're best friends, we get along famously but i'm absolutely appalling at romance. i have no sense of romance whatsoever. i know she needs it because she says it to my face, not even hinting. it doesn't come to me naturally. i'm not a hand-holder, i'm not a hugger. i'm not an intimate person. i wish i could be like that for her, and yet i can be like that with my kids. i don't know why. part of our hand-holding problem is that mitch is considerably taller, so i always feel like i'm holding hands with my mother.

so in a slightly stalkerish way, i look-but-don't-look at him at school, as he lingers mostly on his own, the creative, wordy smallish man, the loner. i usually am on my own too; not being there from prep means i have kind of missed establishing myself as one of the gobblers at the gate. but we have about two degrees of separation, as one of the mothers who chats to him sometimes also chats to me. but not at once, so i can't engineer an opening for that question about the photos and the chin.

have you ever met someone, and pretended not to know who they are?


Jellyfish said...

have you ever met someone, and pretended not to know who they are?

Oh God, only ALL THE TIME. One of the (dis?)advantages of having a long term memory like mine (ie. TURBOCHARGED) is that you remember everyone, and everything they ever said to you, ever. So - friends ex-husbands, that guy off the milk commercial, lady from random theatre company play, not to mention famous people, I know who they all are, and they have no idea who I am. Awkwards.

Uusually if they are semi-famous, I'll tell them I thought they were good in 'x' or whatever, as semi-famous people are usually desperate for recognition and approval. I've also recently come around to the idea of telling famous people as well, because they must get sick of people pretending not to know who they are when they really know damn well.

Wow. Random comment for the day. No more coffee for me!

Bye! :)

Peter said...

My work calls on me to do just that quite a lot. I work in a five star hotel. We get the odd known face from time time, but you can't be stalking them here. It's very uncool.

But it sounds like you're making the point about well known folk. I'd say I've more often pretended not to recognise someone I don't want to talk to than anyone famous :)

sublime-ation said...

oh jelly, I feel your pain. I remember almost everyone I've ever met. Of course they, like normal people, don't always remember me instantly. But sometimes they don't let on.
I had quite a pleasant experience in Sydney the other day when a big shot art collector/philanthropist, who'd met me ONCE over 3 years ago, came up to me and said 'you're so and so, you've changed your hair'.
No one EVER recognises me, so this was quite faint-inducing.

I TRY to always play it cool around famous people, but I also always tell them of my admiration for their work (if it's true. If I don't admire their work I talk about something else). It's hard not to get star struck though. When I met Lee 'Scratch' Perry I was speechless before blurting 'you're so.....AWESOME'. I just couldn't think of anyway to convey my admiration for him, so I turned into a 16 year old American cheerleader.

Luckily he didn't notice, he was too busy holding my hand and asking me what kind of moisteriser I use.

LadyCracker said...

Part of my job means dealing with the famous on a day to day basis and you get used to maintaining a professional demeanour. However, some have reduced me to little more than pile of drool at their angelic feet.

BEVIS said...

Aren't we all just exceptional memory-type people, then?

Yes, I do it all the time as well, because I, too, am CURSED with the brilliant mind of a whats-it-called. Big thing. Grey. Long nose. You know the one. Hurts when it steps on your head. ELEPHANT! That's it.

PS - MG, I have a request. You know how I'm so wonderful in providing you with Neighbours recaps when requested? Well, tonight (Tuesday 29th August) Wifey and I missed our first episode, like, FOREVER. I don't expect it to be as anally-over-compensating as the synopses I've written for you (but feel free to knock yourself out, if you like - metaphorically, of course), but could you please give me a quick run-down on what went on?

Sources indicate that it was kind of a crucial episode, in relation to a certain upcoming Neighbours-themed post on my TV blog that has been sitting in draft since the ice age (the title of which has been listed in the sidebar for over a month).

My most sincere thanks to you and yours in anticipation of your heart-warming response.

Melba said...

hey all.

this is interesting. while i have a good memory for some things, for others it's shocking. i barely remember what we had for dinner last night (errr, lasagne) or what i wore yesterday (errr, gym clothes) or what i read last night before dropping off to sleep (errr, new weekly).

i will now attempt to recall in detail what happened on last night's neighbours... i can't promise anything near what bevis can produce. for he is the master after all, and i am but a grasshopper.

[draws complete blank and goes to watch tape. takes laptop with.]

ok, we are now here in the loungeroom. it's got green wall to wall carpet which i have tried to "lift" with a nice turkish milas rug. lola is here (piano) as well as a very green outlook to the back garden.

i turn on the tv. interestingly it is on foxsports. yes, john was uplate last night while i was reading and then sleeping.

i rewind the video. i am relieved that we did not tape rolf over neighbours last night. you are lucky there was no time to rewind before taping rolf. this is because the aforementioned lasagne took longer to reheat through, and everything was running late because of princess's ballet class.

so, to the show:

the flashback bit at the beginning:

ned and toady in their kitchen talking about personal training; scene of ned at mrs beaumont's place (kate fitzpatrick?), elle telling paul she has to tell everyone the truth, and paul saying "oh hello everyone, i've been pretending to be dying so my boyfriend won't go back to the knocked-up hippie", a scene of max's mobile with katya's name showing incoming call, and steph seeing it and telling max she can't keep up the "happy steph act" anymore, that she's pissed he knew katya has feelings for him and didn't tell steph, and accuses him of lying about getting calls from katya.

the show:
we open with katya dropping what look like a letter and looking stunned. she calls max, he answers. she insists he come over, saying something's happened. he agrees to come over quickly. max and boyd then have a convo where boyd asks whether there is trouble between steph and max, max blows him off and asks boyd to look after the bar. max leaves.

ned is leaving mrs beaumont's place in a huff, she's chasing him, they are standing outside her mc mansion at the gate. she is apologising, saying he misunderstood, she doesn't have any "designs" on him. this makes it clear she tried to crack onto him, and he is offended. because he is a professional. and a doofus. she is backpedalling, says that really she was testing him, adn that he'd passed with flying colours, she explains a lot of men would take advantage of her living alone etc. he said what she needs is a companion. she asks for a second chance, he wavers. it seems they did no training, but she asks him to stay for scones. he agrees.

max is with katya, says he wants to apologise, saying he was a fool thinking they could be friends. katya still hasn't said why she is so shook up. she shows him the letter, it says "i'll come for you soon and we'll be together forever, robert" max hugs katya, she's crying.

paul's at the bar being a dick. orders a scotch, boyd stands up to him, challenges him saying it's too early for a scotch, then offers his and janae's help regarding elle. paul says do you think i can't look after my own daughter, i can crush you and your pathetic little family in a minute, and don't think i won't. boyd basically laughs at him, paul says do you think i'm joking? boyd says i think YOU'RE a joke and a lame one at that, you don't scare me, scoff. paul is left with a look on his face which is "shit, my tough guy act is starting to become ineffective if this little punce is laughing at me."

next we see janae handing over $50 to a girl from school who is doing her essays etc at school for her. the girl says i don't know how you can afford to pay for your assignments and rent your own place, janae says she has her ways. boyd is coming in and janae says quickly can you do the other essays for $50 and the girl says no $100.

janae kicks girl jo out quickly before boyd finds out anything. then boyd says susan asked him to talk to janae about her schoolwork, she gets pissed off, then says why do i feel like i'm talking to one of my parents? then says she sets her own timetable, assures him she'll get all her work done, don't worry etc. then says lets go for a swim.

cam comes in and sees elle doing the dishes, he says don't do that, i'll do that, you need to rest etc. she cracks and tells him, overwhelmed with guilt. this is sparked particularly by cam giving her tickets to the orient express, saying that is something they'd always planned to do together. so she tells him. paul comes in, cam spacks it at paul, calling him disgusting. calls elle disgusting too. he is so mad. he says there is no reason for this, he can't believe he wanted to be close to paul. paul says the reason he did it was because he cares about "our family" cam laughs saying you don't care about the family, then accuses paul of pushing anyone who gets close to him, lists izzy, gail, carmella and now lyn. paul makes a little speech saying look i'm trying to change, but it's harder than i thought, he needs more time, asks cam if he will give him more time.

cam pauses, looks him dead in the eye and says "no. i've got nothing left for you dad."

back to mrs beaumont adn ned (carrying the morning tea tray). mrs b is flattering ned, saying he's such a gentleman if only her husband conducted himself with a little of ned's class.

so you're married? ned asks.

barely, she says. we learn mr b is in the hospital, he's not at all well. she says he's had affairs etc. ned is the patient good guy listener. she mentions a little revenge against her husband might be nice, ned says i think happiness is the best revenge. then pours the tea, saying allow me. [puke] they toast to friendship.

max calls the prison, they say they have no idea how robert got the letter out. they assured him rob's still locked up. max hugs katya to comfort her, she says he and steph are really lucky. he feels a bit uncomfortable and breaks the embrace. max asks if it's ok if he drops out of the tibetan language classes, she says ok, fine (there is none of the usual katya bad eye acting here to suggest she is put out, she seems fine with it) then max says mind you i am NOT stopping the meditiation. as long as i'm kicking goals for the pies, etc.


boyd answers janae's phone, she's in the shower, it's the girl leaving a message saying the essay will be finished tomorrow night, and she wants her money. janae argues her case, boyd says it's wrong etc. mentions how broke they are, janae says nan is paying for it. she wants to get to know her nan, learn about her dad's family etc. boyd says do your own school work from now on, otherwise you could get kicked out of school.

paul is talking to elle, trying to justify everything, saying cam will calm down. elle is being very hard on herself, guilt, etc. paul is still just being a dick. max arrives tells them about the letter to katya from robert, paul gets on the phone to the prison. max and elle have a little chat re katya is she ok etc etc. then paul comes back saying he couldn't get anyone to come to the phone cause they're dealing with an escape.


ta da.

ad break.

we see ned finally leaving mrs b's place. she has her arm through his, they're happy things are on an even keel now. they're talking about a training session next week, and being friends etc. ned gets into a taxi out front (weird) and just as it pulls away, another taxi pulls in behind (double weird)

janae gets out and says hi nan.


mrs b says she was hoping janae would drop by, janae said i need to talk to someone, her nan says man trouble? janae says yes, mrs b says my specialty. come on in.

we see katya on the street somewhere outside a shop, listening to her ipod thingo, a car pulls up behind her, next to her and toots, it's cam. hey there, can i give you a lift, she's all weird. then she says, cameron! sorry i'm a bit jumpy. she tries to refuse a lift, but he insists and she jumps in. you are thinking shit it rob, but then he's wearing what cam was wearing earlier, khaki shirt, she gets in, he says he needs someone to talk to, his family are crap etc. they drive off.

at this point half of us were thinking it was rob, the other half cam.

there's some stupid stuff with ned and boyd arm wrestling in the bar for a steak. ned wins, boyd renegs saying he is broke. ned offers him some personal training to work on his "girly arms".

boyd and ned go in the back, boyd is going to rustle ned up some food.

janae and nan walk in, you can tell mrs b is not liking the establishment, says it's a bit trendy, and sneers while looking around. finds out that they are likely to run into janelle and insists they leave. which they do. she is quite harsh with janae and accuses her of trying to manoeuvre a meeting between her nan and janelle. "I can walk away you know. no more little dinners, no more cheques that you're so fond of. understand?"

we see cam and katya pulling into a car space at the centre where k is doing her classes (i think) they've had a nice chat, katya even invites cam into the class, or the meditation, he says thanks but he's not in the right space right now, maybe another time. offers to pick her up again after her class, he's got nothing to do.

her phone rings.

it's max, he says he's just around the corner, asks if she's on her own, she says no, omly cameron, who gave her a lift.

max says in a really serious way, katya, get out of the car!, get out now, she says what's going on, he tells her robert has escaped, to get out, find somewhere safe with people, he's almost there. she turns to look at cam, who smiles at her innocently, she gets out of the car, not saying anything to cam. he gets out, he's got her bag, runs after her, saying hey, you forgot your bag, max is driving towards them, katya is running towards him, he manages to swing his car protectively in between katya and cam and hits cam side on. cam is lying on the ground, unconscious they get a blanket from the car, cover him, katya is over him saying robert, can you hear me? robert? she says to max did you call an ambulance, yes they're on the weay. max is looking really shocked, adn looks even like he's going to have a heart attack.

flash for tomorrow night, ie tonight. karl telling elle and paul he doesn't know if he's going to make it, and the voice over saying is this the end for evil robert?

only problem is, it was cam.

BEVIS said...





Thank you SO MUCH for this - Wifey and I have both now had a good long read and a chuckle or two as well. But I'll hear none of this "master vs grasshopper" bit anymore, thank you very much! Your synopsis leaves mine for DEAD!

(Or at the very least, they are on par with each other, if that'll stop the arguments. "Please, Lord, won't someone stop the arguments??!")

That was so extremely helpful, I am very delighted. Thank you so much for the time and effort that would no doubt have taken you. I trust you understand where that long-drafted Neighbours post of mine might be headed, now (from its title in the sidebar).


Melba said...

no probs bevis. didn't take that long, i type fast, didn't care about typos and as probably noticed, didn't really fuss too much about quotation marks for the direct speech. just let it rip.

happy to help.

BEVIS said...

Yes, I liked it that way. It had more character. More of you in it. More grit, etc.

I'm glad you were able to speed through it. Cheers again!

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