put simply

who is the best hairdresser in melbourne?

apologies to male readers who have recently started joining me here. if you are going to hang out at all with me, you need to just put up with my occasional girly-whinges. bevis copes, i don't know, maybe you could email him for tips.

no, i really want to know. who is the best?

i think i have come up with a "final solution" for my hair. readers who have been with me for a while will know of my hair iss-ews.

think phyllis diller on a good day.

no. it's not that bad.

[laughs]

i embrace its "volume" and ignore the "strength"*

hairdressers have told me they have never seen such thick hair. the most direct one, a man but not gay, told me it's like horse's hair. i laughed it off but inside, yes i died a little. they have fucked up the colouring, they have fucked up the cutting, they have complained about the weight of it, the way they always run out of colour and have to re-load the little trolley.

i have had a brilliant idea about what to do with it, which i will keep to myself for the moment.

but can you tell me?

who is the best hairdresser in melbourne?

i don't care about cost. i need someone who can take me in their capable, professional, experienced hands, and tell me, nay assure me, they won't fuck up my hair when i explain to them my bold plan.

other bits and pieces:

1. what do you say to an-almost-ten-year-old child when they tell you they want to make their will, and want their "body to be burned" and half the ashes to be scattered at a particular park in istanbul and the other half "you can keep, mummy."

2. what the fuck are howard and costello on about with their fomenting of fear of muslims etc?

3. does fomenting mean what i think it means? i can't be bothered looking it up.

4. are optus going to charge me another late-payment fee, because now i haven't paid the last late-payment fee by the due time?

5. i confess to being possibly the only person who has never, until now, watched an entire ep. of sex in the city. you see, i read about it when it was headed our way, in um around 1998? and rubbed my hands together and cackled at the thought of it, knowing i would adore it. then i went overseas and they didn't have it on the tv where i went. when i came back a year later my world had been turned upside down, and i'd missed a year's worth of shows. the other night we got the first shows on dvd. i am really really loving it.

6. princess has gone to camp. for two nights. it'll be a piece of cake considering how i coped in january. remember those days, dear readers?

7. removed

8. i went out with a group of girlfriends on friday night. we ate indian and then went to a bar. our bar bill was $460. we were only slightly out of control. only one of us vomitted the next day and it wasn't me. i had to co-host an 8th birthday party. boys. football. say no more.

9. i'm cooking spaghetti bolognaise tonight. i'm off wheat and dairy, but the soy milk looked very strange in my coffee this morning. we'll see how long it lasts.





* euphemism for "similar to horse's hair"