Saturday, October 18, 2008

saturday stuff

first up, good morning good people. how was your coffee? your eggs?

i slept beautifully, partly i'm sure because 17 days of alcohol-free living will start to make you feel quite terrific once you've pushed through the days 15 and 16 desire to find wine and drink it.

the first thing i saw in the age today was the story about the horse, weekend hustler and harry, the kid who is the only person in the world who can enter the horse's box and not get bitten, kicked, stomped on. killed basically.*

i like stories like this.

the headline is "the little mate who softens a champion's heart" and the article tells us that:

harry is 5 years old

not only is he the only person who can get close to the horse without being attacked, he can also predict whether the horse will win or lose.

check these soothsayings:

young harry apparently said "yeah, dad, he'll win, he'll win" before every other race, except the turnbull where he told his father "he won't win today, dad."

the best quote is where young harry refers to weekend hussler as "the hussler". has harry been watching the apprentice and seinfeld? he said this to a jockey who (it seems, the article is unclear, thank god for the calls for proper grammar and english classes in schools again, all hail "clear thinking", long may it reign, etc.) failed to win on the horse "you're the one that murdered the hussler."

finally, we learn that harry has a knack for picking winners of other kinds, and helped turn his father's $100 down the pub into $900.

they'd better keep a close eye on the kid. the bookies might grab him, and take him out the back.

and hey, do you think this photo looks photoshopped? the line of the horse's nose against the boy's t-shirt looks unnatural. i reckon they've played with the photo, and the kid's standing 2 feet back. but they've put the hay in front of the horse's nostrils to make it look like they are close. looks wrong. hard to see in this pic, but in the paper (front page) it's clearer.


in other news, four of the books i ordered online HAVE ARRIVED. including, true grit. so it's very good.

i've often fantasised about owning a book shop. one of my favourite book shops is syber's books in chapel st, windsor. the woman in there seems cranky but she's nice, she has lots of cats lolling around, and her collection is wonderful. it's been on the tip of my tongue whilst in there, on occasion, while at the register as she tallies my erudite and expensive selection, to offer my services as book person/cat feeder/shelf tidier. sometimes, i'll tidy the shelves as i browse, hoping she'll notice and say, in her manly voice, "can i offer you a job?" or "i'm looking to get out of the biz. wanna take over, sweets?"

other people fantasise about sex with celebrities or the person opposite on the tram. i fantasise about owning a book shop.


stepmothering is a hard fucking motherfuck of a job. sometimes i really hate it, and if you want to find the best, easiest way of hating yourself and being self-critical and thinking you are indeed the el primao shit, be a stepmother. my husband's children are beautiful and gorgeous and fantastic kids - it's not them it's me. i can't emphasise this enough. they are wonderful, my husband is wonderful. i know in my heart of hearts i'm okay but i am very hard on myself because the pressure to not cause these delightful children any more pain is enormous.

sometimes it feels like a no-win situation but all i can do is my best. i think we'll be okay.

i can just try to be a mother to them, do my best to be loving, kind, positive, encouraging, supportive, affectionate. but sometimes fail and struggle and feel it's not good to pretend love when you're not feeling it. but still pick yourself up, try again the next day, realise it's not a finite relationship, it's ongoing and organic (like any relationship) and that there will never be a day when you can dust your hands off, wipe your brow and say "ok, good job, that's finished."

the only thing harder than being a mother, is being a stepmother - frankie, love my way.

ps - perseus, did you read article page 8?

* this is my artistic license. i think the words used were "nudged" and "butted" in addition to "bitten."


Anonymous said...

Firstly I dont reckon you should ask 5 year old Harry..

I feel you should try number 3 with a view to being eventually number 2.

2 maybe a bit too much in the early stages.

But in the end only you will know which road to take....

my two bobs worth


Another Outspoken Female said...

How does the bloke find it, being stepdad to princess?

Seems you are both in the same boat, so at least you have some company :)

Melba said...

thanks dave for your comment. you are right about the number 3 first, then the number 2. but i have to say it's not early stages, and while i've tried not to replace etc their mum (she died) and gone very slowly, gently gently, once we were all living together, when you're the parent there, you have to parent. it's so fucking hard.

but i am trying to pull back from stuff and not sweat the small stuff. this is my big problem i think.

thanks aof too. clokes doesn't say much about being stepdad to princess, but it's different in so many ways. blokes tend not to overparent the way sheilas do, also princess has a dad, also she has been brought up in an exemplary manner, so causes no trouble whatsoever.

no, i'm joking. and the other two don't cause trouble. it's just me and my mental brain.

but i appreciate the comments, so much. i keep meaning to start an anonymous stepmother blog.

squib said...

Being a bit safety conscious, I felt a wee bit ALARMED about that little kid being in the same stall as a racehorse, I mean a horse like that will kick your head in like it's a watermelon

I currently have a plan whereby I get a big old ship and turn it into a floating bookshop and travel all over the world, if you're interested. The only hitch so far is I have no ship. Also no money. But I have a pirate hat and this makes me feel optimistic

RE: stepmother, good luck with that one :)

Melba said...

i'm no good on water, i'd probably vomit all over the shelves.

if you open one on land, i'd still wear a pirate hat. to be part of the franchise, you know.

jo_blue said...

Hugs to you! There's no way around it. Life IS hard whatever your situation. Just keep at it. And don't be too hard on yourself - you are allowed to make mistakes.


jo_blue said...

PS Melba, it's going to be OK. Number 2 is the right choice and feel good about yourself that that's what you're doing. It's about the process and not the end result because you can't control that. For yourself, you need to be able to look back and say "I did my best".


angel wings and hearts said...

the story about harry picking winners reminds me of a movie called "the rocking horse winner". :)

Chai said...

I can imagine it being v tough. :-(