Tuesday, April 21, 2009

listen you stupid blonde bitch

1. Rego WQA 056, some black kind of 4wd, speeding through St Kilda at 9.20am today.

Do you have any idea the number of cars/people on bikes you almost hit as you swerved and sped while you were obviously rushing to somewhere and putting on your blusher?


Oh, they call it bronzer these days?

You were at the two sets of lights with your makeup brush sweeping whatever the fuck it was across your pointy little face. Then you'd speed off, no indication, swerved dangerously close to a cyclist, dragging people off at the lights, changing lanes without warning.

You are one dangerous person, lady.

I swear, if someone like you killed someone I loved I would fucking hunt you down like a pig and hurt you so badly.

Young women are the most dangerous of all drivers. They're worse than male hoons.

2. Saw 17 Again yesterday with my two daughters. I asked them if they'd go with me, so that I didn't look too pathetic. They were my beards. Luckily they were happy to go, even though they both despise the High School Musical trilogy as something so beneath them and their early-teen sensibilities.

As it was I still looked pathetic, being the only adult in the mostly-empty cinema. It was good, we loved it. We laughed, we cried and it just fed my wrong crush on Zac Ephron in a pretty sad way. And when we were driving home and I used the word "awesome" to describe the cafeteria scene (I swear, it was an ironic usage), Princess dissed me. She thinks it so wrong I use the word 'awesome' (she doesn't get irony yet, which I'm surprised at because she's so sophisticated in other ways.) Imagine, though, if she knew about the Ephrong crush? I HAVE MY NEEDS!

3. Was it stupid for me to give my dad the url to this blog? It probably was. However, he'd been asking on and off over the years, and wasn't letting go. So I promised I'd give it to him and I did last night. I think he'll like everyone on here, especially you INC. He used to teach Sunday school when he was young. I think I'm the one he'll hate mostly because my nineteen-year-old self whinges about him in my diaries and I admit I have called him a cunt on here on occasion. Anyway, if someone starts commenting anonymously and sounds a bit "daddish" it'll be the Dodge. No, not the Doge, the Dodge. You'll see.

4. Off to a secret location today. Did you know there are beach huts to the west of Melbourne? A friend and I are going to explore. He has a new car so we are taking a quick day trip squeezed into an otherwise pretty busy day.


davy jones overlocker said...

Hello Melba-papa!

I also have a Zac Efrong cruch. I'm SO GLAD it's not just me. his sweepy teenage emo fringe is, like, SO ADORABLE.

davy jones overlocker said...

ps also hi melba!

bratarmy29 said...

haha i found your blog about a week ago and i would just like to say thank you. i'm a stressed out uni student and reading your posts is like xanax, but easier to swallow.

Anonymous said...

Do you mean Werribee south area or Campells cove melba ?
Love the area for a cooling dip in summer. Altona beach also very good.
I think augie march made a very fine video clip down that way?
Dave of the west
shhhhhhh its a secret !!!!

Melba said...

Hi Dave of the West

So that means you don't want me to post the wonderful photos and write about the other excitingnesses of that day?

Shame, for there is much to tell.