So the doctor said the scan said mum's cancer is gone.
How about that?
We are, of course, thrilled. But mum is trying also to be buddhist about it, that is not get attached to things too much in life, and that includes being cancer free.
I guess our approach this time around was one of oh fuck oh well let's just push on then, but without the soul searching and angst of before.
The good thing too is that she only had a little bit compared to ten years ago, so the little bit would go quicker than a big bit. That's my highly medicalised theory anyway.
Other good things that are happening:
- tomorrow night I'm going to see Animal Kingdom with my sis.
- I am well and truly on the way back from my illness. All it took, my friends, were the right antibiotics and over two weeks of house/bed rest. And much much reading.
- I have introduced Princess now to the pleasure that is The OC.
- the sun is out
- I took the Gigi for a walk yesterday. I am establishing a new regime of health, partly because I don't want to just feel worse and worse every year and end up a complete haggy invalid in a decade, and partly because we are going to Turkey in September, and I will be wearing bathers and jumping off the side of boats etc. I need to impress the moustaches.
- Booked the tickets the other day. Mum is coming with me and Princess. Three other friends are staying with us down south. It is going to be fucking awesome.
- My leave is approved, my new contract is signed so I have another year at my job confirmed. Yay me.
- tonight I will do a test run of cheese souffles for our Tour meal next Saturday night. Not sure about main yet. Maybe just something really simple, like chicken chausseur or a casserole. I can't be rooted going all out. Was considering the Frenchified version of beef Wellington but seriously can't be arsed. That dish is like a once-in-five-years dish. Maybe.
- I am re-reading A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius by Dave Eggers. Last time I got up to p214 (the page is still folded. Do you fold or use bookmarks?) Not sure why I stalled but I'm giving it another go. I am not reading well at the moment, unable to sleep, I have insomnia (last night couldn't get to sleep, sat at the computer until 6am then crawled back in, slept until 11.45am. There's something wrong with me? I'm turning back into a teenager/angst-ridden post adolescent.)
Things that are not so great:
- see above. Insomnia.
- my writing. No energy for it. Maybe I just need a little break. Have been going at it solidly and madly for well over a year. I have several "new" projects; they need to compete and jostle with each other to win my attention. But leaving it up to them to do so is at the moment a little fruitless.
- my mind is on my mortgage, which with the renos has climbed up. And I need to pay my mum back some money, and my dad. I have never worried about money before and now I am trying to be responsible and grown up, I don't like the way it makes me feel. Easier to just be in denial?
- Ali (ex husband) is wanting to organise some things when we are there. One of these things is trying to solve his tax problem which has been dogging him for years. One of the solutions I believe involves a property settlement with me, where things are transferred into my name, to be held for Princess? I don't know it all makes my head hurt and I hope I don't get caught up in it. I will have to be strong and tell him I can't sign stuff without a lawyer here looking over stuff. I know he'll huff and puff and say don't you trust me?
Short answer - no.
Long answer - mostly.
- I've told you about Princess and some of her peers at school being from the dark side (or children of them that hail from the dark side.) Seriously, one of her facebook friends has another facebook friend with a high-profile surname and public photos including a dinner at a swank restaurant with the high-profile person in attendance. Think one of two surviving. Surname ends in G. Don't mention here, I'm scared. So then there's the child of the non-surviving person (surname ends in M) and she is Queen Bee and hogs all the boys and is really mean and powerful and everyone sucks up to her and Princess has said things like People say her family are in U****belly and I know they are/were but I don't want her to know. I did tell her if it was true that the kids need their privacy and it's not their fault they have criminal families. Princess also said Some dude got killed last year, and x's grandmother is in jail. I already knew this and had to use my poker face. A bit of ferreting around on the Internet last night and I found out that Child X's new stepdad is connected (was arrested) with a certain stupid footballer's stupid brother who is in the news, like, now.
My concern is that the power and status of these people (which emanates from money, connections, veiled threats which I have heard were made at another private school, Don't you know who my family is? sort of thing, but not from this particular Child X) is affecting the tone of Princess's year level. I want them to leave but I also sort of feel sorry for them.
This is weighing on my mind quite a lot, but I'll leave it there.
So as you can see, a real mix of good and bad, as always.