What I'm reading, and what I'm reading next

Hey, it's Friday, and the family is all here. I went and sat with my husband and his two kids in the kitchen for about four minutes to discuss the day's activities. We have a ritual on Good Friday that includes: walking the dog off-lead at the park, having a feast-brunch, playing a board game as a family and, in the evening, watching Life of Brian. We're not having brunch, because we're doing it on Sunday instead, with my family including bro who is down from Canberra. The weather looks pretty shitty, so not sure about dog walk as we just washed her the other day. Board game: well, I don't think the 18 year old will do it, she's been not into it for a few years. But the 17 and 15 year olds will. And Life of Brian? It might just be me and my daughter and Clokes.

But sitting with 3/5 of my immediate family for four minutes was hard. They have these silly in-jokes that are exclusive and, well, silly. It's something I've noticed creeping up. It does make me feel excluded and annoyed in an adolescent way. I should be happy they are bonded and having fun, and I am. I'm also happy that I don't have to be with them, they can get on by themselves. But it's still annoying. And strange. We are a strange situation. Two families in one house. I have fantasies of leaving; going away under the guise of writing retreats and workshops in other countries, and just not fucking coming home.

But all my books are here.

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What I'm reading. I'm back on the first book of the Game of Thrones series. I've decided I just want to read ahead. It'll take me a while to get past where the series is, and my daughter tells me that the series is not in the same order as the books. I'm also reading Story Engineering by Larry Brooks. And I started The Night Guest by Fiona McFarlane. It's on the Stella shortlist I think. Lined up I have Pnin by Nabokov, as well as his memoir Memory, Speak. Both of these have been highly recommended by people whose opinions I rate. And I'm going to re-read Love in The time of Cholera because  Gabriel Garcia Marquez has just died and I've chosen it as one of my favourite books for a short piece I was invited to write.

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There is no publishing news, but there is some movement. I spoke with my agent on the phone earlier this week, then gave the novel to someone else to read. There's a huge story behind that, but I can't say much about it here, other than things lined up quite extraordinarily, and I am seeing this person - a published novelist, quite high-profile, established and establishment - tomorrow to discuss it. Which means she's read and has something to say. So I feel like I'm inching towards *something* but I also feel like it's all pretty impossible.

My dear, supportive, writer-friend, the other day over coffee, drew me a picture. It was something like this:

And I'm like: yeah.

Hello one and all

This is seriously about the third time I have tried to post. It just wasn't freaking working. And now it is again. So. A quick update.
Yes I have changed my profile pic. And my 'handle' back to MG.
This is because:
a. it was time for a change
b. mean people on facebook might find me and be mean.
I know this sounds ridiculous and it is but hey. I've got to move with the times.
So what'cha reading? I'm battling through The Book of Rachael by Leslie Cannold and my feeling is that a brilliant idea has been wasted. It's a good effort though I suppose.
Last night I went to see Gail Dines talk at Melbourne Uni.
Gail Dines is the anti-porn crusader who needs a spandex suit of her own such is her fight against the pornification of society. She has written a book called 'Pornland' and in it she dissects the industry and the damage. And when she talks about porn she's not talking about what is now seen as 'porn lite' (ie simple images of people having sex, what people over 30 think of as porn, you know, pool cleaner-moustache-'70s bush) she is talking about 'body punishing' extreme stuff, like multiple penetrations, double anal, fellatio so rigorous to make the woman gag and even vomit (there are fetish sites catering to this shit) and worse. It's all there with a click of a button and kids are curious and they are looking at it. At work, we heard the story of a boy, 15 or 16, had his first sexual experience and thought he had to do anal, oral and vaginal sex all on the first time. There are kids out there watching this stuff before they have even kissed someone else.
Is this wowserism? She doesn't talk about censorship or banning. She talks about exposing the machine, the capitalist machine, that is behind porn and the pornification of society. She talks about education and exposing this stuff for the skewed respresentation of sex that it is.
So much good stuff last night, so much interesting stuff in the book. Not for the fainthearted but if you have kids, this is something you will need to talk to them about. She told her teenage son 'if you are going to look at porn, you need to know you will be handing over the development of your sexuality to this industry. Scary stuff.
Wow this was going to be a light catch up. To bed now.
Stay warm.

2011

I've heard a few people say 2010 was a terrible year for them, personally. For me it was fine. I've had my own annus horribilae (any Latin people, please correct that abomination of a conjugation). Things for me are settled now and I have to say a la Larry David: pretty, pretty, pretty good.

I haven't been blogging so much because I've been doing my 'real writing.' But I don't want to let this spot go, I know I have put it out there that I will still be blogging in my 80s. There's always plenty of material. I have to keep it short and sharp I think. And maybe not talk about films and tv and books so much.

Heh.

We are now watching True Blood, and it's so stimulating that I can't go to sleep within two and a half hours of watching an episode. But fuck me, how boring is Bill? And unattractive? Sheesh.

We finished Lost. The ending, again. Sheesh. Nowhere near as moving as the final episode of Six Feet Under. Methinks I need to revisit that. And Dexter, we are behind a season.

I'm half-way through re-reading Dirt Music by Tim Winton. I like it heaps better than Breath I've decided. I got sidetracked from it, though, by Russell Brand's My Booky Wook (which I just finished yesterday) after having read My Booky Wook 2.

I also picked up a copy of Marcel Proust's Remembrance of Things Past. What a tome and seemingly so digressive. Not sure how I will tolerate it. But at least I've got it, along with other great unread/partially read classics (The Brothers Karamazov, Anna Karenina, Ulysses and some of Old Hem old chap old man.) I think as I get older I realise my reading cannot be hard work. I want to fall into a book, not scale it like a mountain. But I DO NOT WANT to read shit. I am struggling with a Jodi Picoult book en ce moment as well, my oldest daughter has just read it and because she doesn't read much and I want to encourage her, I thought I would read it and we would discuss. Not sure if I'll finish it. Too many characters, too much cliche, too wordy. Give me MJ Hyland any day. God I can't wait for her next book.

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I'll do a diaries over the weekend. Try to pick up the pace there and do them once a week.

Happy Very Hot Day tomorrow, fellow Melburnians.

Monday-itis antidote

It's simple don't go to work.

No, it's not that simple. I'm working Friday so I've done a day swap HOWEVER it means I didn't have to heave out of bed and do the nomal Monday morning thang. It did mean, though, that I had to:

- still get up at 7am to check on Princess and do a "go-to-school-or-not" assessment. She stayed home. She has been having night sweats for three nights, had a raging temp on Sat night (or was it Friday?) and has a sore throat and headache. I swear, the girl has no immune system, and part of me worries about that one time a friend breastfed her (without my permission, I might add) when she was <1 year old, and another part of me worries about all the champagne I drank before I knew I was pregnant (Christmas/NYE in Sydney) not to mention the hessian sack of oysters I ate from Merimbula after coming home. Too much zinc can affect foetal development? So I'm takingher to the doc. We did go on Friday and were told that there was a tiny spot on one tonsil - maybe it's tonsilitis now?

- go to my mother's and help her change her sheets as well as dust some up high spots at her place

BUT it also means I've got the papers and can read them over lunch, I can now do some writing AND it also means I was able to spend more time finessing my new hair. Yesterday I chopped it off (it was mid-way down my back and bush like no other) while now it's a bit Blondie, shoulder-length messy bob with some longer bits at the front and a bit shorter at the back. I've done a pretty fine job if I may say so. Secret #1 - dressmaker shears for dealing with the bulk during stage one. Secret #2 - nail scissors for shaping. I read once that Sharon Stone cuts her own hair at the front with nail scissors. I've got pretty wild hair so it's ok to do this; I wouldn't recommend for people with normal hair. But I've saved a bunch of money and have a good story to tell.

So that's about it. Busy few weeks coming up. The Little Man finishes primary school, the two girls finish Year 8 and Year 9 respectively. We have birthdays galore in December, and next weekend Clokes is taking moi to Nobu. We had a reservation at Bistro Vue and I said no. I'm an incorrigible snob (I didn't want to go because it's the "lesser of the two" though truth be told the menu suited me better - no foam that I could see; but also they do early and late sittings and I didn't want to be rushed. So hah. Cancel that baby.)

- oh, one more thing. Is it wrong to feel relieved having almost finished my ex-step-sister's first book (collection of short stories) and realise that we don't write nearly the same, and while I can appreciate her wry humour (she really is alot funnier in her writing than I remember her being as an 11-year-old) and that she is a talented writer and story-teller, she hasn't at all written anything like my book. Not wrong, normal right?

Happy Monday.

Happy Friday

Sorry no diarama today, I am running behind, also have stuff to do. But in the meantime, some bits and pieces:
Loving my new shoes they are too sexy and I can't stop looking at them and touching them and putting them on. Will I be able to wear them out tonight for our date night? Depends if it is pouring with rain at about 7pm. If it's dry, we walk and therefore I can't wear them. If it's wet, we will drive and I WILL wear them. I don't know what to wish for because I kind of like walking to the restaurant. It's romantic.
Bugged by the recent news about a certain school in Ivanhoe not allowing a Year 11 girl to take her female partner to the school dance. There's a lot of 'that's not what we said' and 'this is the reason' and 'no, we are not being discriminatory.' There is anecdotal evidence that past students have been allowed to take female partners (whether to other year level functions, I don't know.) All I know is that the school has come off looking very bad, especially the principal for her unbelievable comment of (paraphrasing): I don't think they have any reason to be upset.
(Actually I just went and found the direct quote, it's even more unbelievable "I don't think it's appropriate they feel discriminated against, and I'm very upset they feel that," she said.
I tell you what. It would be a deal-breaker for me if I knew my kids were at a school which didn't allow same-sex partners at school dances etc. All the reasons this school has given are ridiculous. That is all.Actually it's not all. Loving John Birmingham's response in the paper yesterday. If you've got a spare hour, read the comments as well. Choice. Make that two hours. Just saw they have doubled since I read most of them yesterday. I will catch up on them later.
Loving me for having worked very hard on my writering stuff. But fuck me, synopses are satan's children.
Bugged by the wind and hayfeverishness it is creating. Blech. But I guess at least it's not locusts yet.
Loving me again because I have just organised my wardrobe, and bagged up two hefty orange garbage bags of winter stuff to be stored. I am so ace. I really am.
Loving The Big Bang Theory. My own quite non-physicist theory about the BBT is that Sheldon is the most awesome fictional TV character on at the moment. Perhaps ever! Who is your favourite TV character?

I just want to wipe the smile off Jimmy's face

He is shitting me big time.

And I know I'm not the only one.

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Bought a new kettle today. Pretty happy about that. Also put tax stuff into accountant. Ticking things off the list, have more energy than I've had for a long time.


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Might make lemon curd tonight to go with lemon puddings. Or mini lemon tarts with a bit of meringue on top. MMMMM LEMONS. From Ramon. Beautiful.


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Had to say no to the ex yesterday, via email. He is a dodgy shit and I refuse to be caught up in his webs. That's all I'm going to say. Well, and this. He says he doesn't involve me in his business but he does! Including giving customers my mobile number and then I get calls out of the blue, and have to try and not say anything or the wrong thing. No matter what, everything I do or say is wrong according to Ali. He told me I was causing him trouble, when really it's the other way round. Mental.

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Listening to classical music makes me feel joyous.

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The sunshine, how nice is it? Dare we hope? Do you reckon? Maybe?

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Princess has just now auditioned for the school musical. I am so proud of her, getting up and singing in front of the others (including Year 9s) and teachers. She's got game, and I would never have done that.

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I am loving dark blue at the moment. Got a top recently, it is the most beautiful blue. Going all navy on your asses.

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We are loving The OC. Seth Cohen - the best character ever in a tv show? Discuss.

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Status of sitch with bro - we are not talking. Hopefully things will improve. We have never had feuds in our family. We anglos tend to leave that to the mediterraneans. But it's like "how old are we?" and "how can it come to this?"

Quite pathetic.

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Oh hey. I'm re-reading The Colour of Water, by James McBride. If you like a memoir that reads like a novel, check it. I loved it the first time I read it, loving it again now. I am saturated a little with fictione, finding everything a bit too much hard work or something.

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Have you noticed you can't cut and paste, or copy and paste, into blog posts any more? Is there something I'm missing? It's very annoying.

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Gotta go. Gotta get the chop casserole happening and find recipes for dessert. I never cook dessert on a week night, but tonight I shall.

Good News

So the doctor said the scan said mum's cancer is gone.
How about that?
We are, of course, thrilled. But mum is trying also to be buddhist about it, that is not get attached to things too much in life, and that includes being cancer free.
I guess our approach this time around was one of oh fuck oh well let's just push on then, but without the soul searching and angst of before.
The good thing too is that she only had a little bit compared to ten years ago, so the little bit would go quicker than a big bit. That's my highly medicalised theory anyway.
Other good things that are happening:
- tomorrow night I'm going to see Animal Kingdom with my sis.
- I am well and truly on the way back from my illness. All it took, my friends, were the right antibiotics and over two weeks of house/bed rest. And much much reading.
- I have introduced Princess now to the pleasure that is The OC.
- the sun is out
- I took the Gigi for a walk yesterday. I am establishing a new regime of health, partly because I don't want to just feel worse and worse every year and end up a complete haggy invalid in a decade, and partly because we are going to Turkey in September, and I will be wearing bathers and jumping off the side of boats etc. I need to impress the moustaches.
- Booked the tickets the other day. Mum is coming with me and Princess. Three other friends are staying with us down south. It is going to be fucking awesome.
- My leave is approved, my new contract is signed so I have another year at my job confirmed. Yay me.
- tonight I will do a test run of cheese souffles for our Tour meal next Saturday night. Not sure about main yet. Maybe just something really simple, like chicken chausseur or a casserole. I can't be rooted going all out. Was considering the Frenchified version of beef Wellington but seriously can't be arsed. That dish is like a once-in-five-years dish. Maybe.
- I am re-reading A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius by Dave Eggers. Last time I got up to p214 (the page is still folded. Do you fold or use bookmarks?) Not sure why I stalled but I'm giving it another go. I am not reading well at the moment, unable to sleep, I have insomnia (last night couldn't get to sleep, sat at the computer until 6am then crawled back in, slept until 11.45am. There's something wrong with me? I'm turning back into a teenager/angst-ridden post adolescent.)
Things that are not so great:
- see above. Insomnia.
- my writing. No energy for it. Maybe I just need a little break. Have been going at it solidly and madly for well over a year. I have several "new" projects; they need to compete and jostle with each other to win my attention. But leaving it up to them to do so is at the moment a little fruitless.
- my mind is on my mortgage, which with the renos has climbed up. And I need to pay my mum back some money, and my dad. I have never worried about money before and now I am trying to be responsible and grown up, I don't like the way it makes me feel. Easier to just be in denial?
- Ali (ex husband) is wanting to organise some things when we are there. One of these things is trying to solve his tax problem which has been dogging him for years. One of the solutions I believe involves a property settlement with me, where things are transferred into my name, to be held for Princess? I don't know it all makes my head hurt and I hope I don't get caught up in it. I will have to be strong and tell him I can't sign stuff without a lawyer here looking over stuff. I know he'll huff and puff and say don't you trust me?
Short answer - no.
Long answer - mostly.
- I've told you about Princess and some of her peers at school being from the dark side (or children of them that hail from the dark side.) Seriously, one of her facebook friends has another facebook friend with a high-profile surname and public photos including a dinner at a swank restaurant with the high-profile person in attendance. Think one of two surviving. Surname ends in G. Don't mention here, I'm scared. So then there's the child of the non-surviving person (surname ends in M) and she is Queen Bee and hogs all the boys and is really mean and powerful and everyone sucks up to her and Princess has said things like People say her family are in U****belly and I know they are/were but I don't want her to know. I did tell her if it was true that the kids need their privacy and it's not their fault they have criminal families. Princess also said Some dude got killed last year, and x's grandmother is in jail. I already knew this and had to use my poker face. A bit of ferreting around on the Internet last night and I found out that Child X's new stepdad is connected (was arrested) with a certain stupid footballer's stupid brother who is in the news, like, now.
My concern is that the power and status of these people (which emanates from money, connections, veiled threats which I have heard were made at another private school, Don't you know who my family is? sort of thing, but not from this particular Child X) is affecting the tone of Princess's year level. I want them to leave but I also sort of feel sorry for them.
This is weighing on my mind quite a lot, but I'll leave it there.
So as you can see, a real mix of good and bad, as always.

sundry sunday matters

too busy to do anything other than a list-type post. my princess starts secondary school tomorrow and it's all just a little too much.

so, let's get into it.

1. does anyone else think that olivia newton-john's new husband, john easterling, bears quite a resemblence, possibly helped by some surgery, to her old, disappeared boyfriend, patrick mcdermott?

i put it to you, now, that they are the same person.

consider the facts as we know them:

- old boyfriend patrick mcdermott was 48 at the time of disappearance

- new husband john easterling is 49 or similar

of course, this could just mean that olivia, in her late 50s, likes 'em young.

- old bf "disappeared" owing child support, court cases against him pending, the usual story.

- new husband kind of appeared out of nowhere, and they got married quickly, with little or no dating recorded in the celebrity pages

- old bf apparently turned up at livvy's house with flowers and an "i'm sorry, you're dropped" the day before he disappeared

- according to this website, set up by an investigator into his disappearance, there are suspicions and even evidence that he has been sighted in the pacific rim area generally, mexico specifically

- new husband has a nickname "amazon john" and his website - while reading like a j peterman catalogue - details his interest and travel experience in south america.

i know these are tenuous suggestions, but maybe not so. look at the pictures:

olivia and patrick 1

olivia and patrick 2

o and p 3 - he has long hair in this one, note extent of greyness

now, we turn to olivia and john, her new beau-come-husband:

olivia and john 1

olivia and john 2

olivia and john 3

now, i ask you. is there anything you are seeing that can't be accounted for with cosmetic surgery? sure, john looks a little taller than patrick, but that could be lifts or onj has had some leg length removed.

i rest my case

other points the flitted through my head before:

1. [writer in paper] seems like a prat. i didn't like her answer to one of the questions in that 5 mins q&a in the age yesterday. it went something like this: i don't bother writing anything if i'm not going to get paid for it. i am paraphrasing, and she was quoting (perhaps wryly, but it came across arrogantly to me) another writer, can't remember who, but even in doing that, she placed herself on the same level as that writer. there was another answer that i thought was dicky as well. so, i've decided she's annoying me, starting from now.

2. brendan fevola should get his hand out of his wife's arse crack. if it's true that they're separated, he shouldn't have his hands on her. not in that way anyway. even if they weren't separated, he shouldn't be touching her like that. it's so undignified and shows him to be the neanderthal that we all have come to know him as.

dude, a bit of respeck, please. and i admire her for not hitting him, she would have been steaming.

3. good to see some silver tops coming out of the woodwork. i've stopped dying my hair, and i've started cutting it as well myself. this saves me about $350 per 3 or 4 months. i'm lucky that my silver is a lovely white, not a witchy grey, but it's still a big step for a woman to 'let herself go' like that. after 20 years of dying (i started to go grey young, not as young as my mum - 21 for her!) i said enough. sick of regrowth - interestingly, i have none now, it looks like a fresh foil job), sick of the chemicals and worrying they'd give me tumorous lumps, sick of the labour. so it's great.

excellent work, comrade.

4. while i've let the old hair go au natural, it seems i have counterbalanced that with a newfound obsession with nail polish. three little letters, man. O P I. they have such gorgeous colours, they last well, go on well, and are only $20 per bottle, which means in my current attempts to be parsimonious means that it's a little treat which is a lot cheaper than a new anything else.

i've got two: a pale, pale white pink and a bright, bright, pink pink.

5. finally, on friday when it was simply too hot to do anything, i spent hours trawling through a blogger's archives. i went right back to the beginning and 'got to know' her. i still have a few months to go until i'm up to date. this isn't weird and stalky is it? she's someone who's been around for yonks, and i read her now, but wanted to go back in time. it's funny, but when i read her early stuff, it makes me think of my '80s diary posts - the boy angst etc - but her posts are only a very few years old. i am addicted to her words and will be sorry when i catch up.

6. again, today, we had iss-ews in the car park at the rear. we recently bought a new car and the fucker is too much of a tank to easily get out of the car park, so we've taken to parking on the streets. this has been going fine, until today when it was the pride march. so clokes couldn't find a park on the street - of course he couldn't. he drove it round the back to our off-street and spot and some fucking stupido girl had parked there. she was a friend of a resident, visiting here, and said resident doesn't have a car park out there but had obviously let her in to park.

here were the things that were said to us once we found out whose car it was and that we needed them to move:

"this is the first time i've ever done this, and i've been living here three years"

"it was only going to be for a short while"

"i've lived here three years"

"there was nowhere to park on the street - she was driving around for 30 minutes!"

listen to me: i don't fucking care. it's our spot, you saying it's the first time you've ever done that is about as mollifying to me as if your mangy rotty had just killed my toddler, and i had you standing there in front of me, crying saying "oh, but he's never done that before!"

i hate it when people use the old "oh, i've never done it before" as if that makes it ok.

it doesn't.

nowhere to park on the street - fuck off!

lived here three years? - FUCK OFF. i've been an owner for more than 12. so just fuck off with your three years.

grrrrr.

on a happier note, because i can't leave it there, i am thrilled it's a bit cooler and happy because the place is tidy and clokes is out doing supermarket shopping. he is such a good boy.

and his beard is gone. i let it go, i let him shave. i could only be a tyrant on that matter for so long. he looks younger.

holding pattern

remember the old test pattern i think it was on the abc because they didn't have enough money to "put more television" on?

well, just think of that happening here.

i'm all kinds of concerned with a myriad of things at the moment, and just don't seem to have time to satisfactorily contribute here.

what i am wondering about:

- wondering how to solve certain bedding issues in the secret life of them flat

- wondering how to get my beloved to see atonement with me on our date friday night

- wondering, indeed, where to go for dinner on our date night friday night. suggestions?

- wondering how hard it's going to be to get my beautiful, wonderful and entirely necessary cooking books out of storage.

- wondering who graham kennedy is on facebook.

- wondering where to store gigi's other bed that we are not using. see, more fucking bedding iss-ews.

- wondering how to approach blogging about the trip. to be honest, it seems old news now. i like to move on, man. but i've promised and i will work out a way.

- pondering the golden compass and the negative reviews etc, nay religious propoganda, that it has attracted. geeze you can't win. "offensive" religious pieces get damned, and then an atheist, yet spiritual and human, movie gets panned as well for being anti-christian. what's wrong with being anti-christian? really, it's not as if atheists want to kill christians and eat them. why can't atheists have a fair go?

- wondering if leo's spaghetti bar really has gone bad or whether it was just an off night on nye?

- wondering whether i should have a martini party and invite just 3 people because i only have 4 martini glasses out of storage. people could bring their own glass?

- wondering whether nicole's pregnancy will go all right. i really hope so. she's so vulnerable.

- wondering which series of books to get princess onto once she finishes the narnia chronicles. suggestions?

what i am reading:

- phillip roth's memoir of his father's illness, patrimony.

- the third in the golden compass series, can't remember what it's called.

- the age newspaper

i am off the trash mags. trying really hard.

what i am cooking:

- soba noodles in dipping sauce

- spaghetti bolognaise

- toast

- coffee

what i am waiting for:

- fegari seafood in hampton to re-open january 21st i think it is. i need, NEED, one of my spaghetti marinaras. with buckets of chardonnay.

- d. chirico bakery to re-open, ALSO january 21st. i need, NEED, some of their bread. but in the meantime i am making do with greg brown's rye and sunflower seeds 1kg bread. a very worthy replacement. may even out-do chiricos. i will do a bread-off when chirico re-opens. anyone care to join me?

- school to re-start. it's always an exciting time of the year. plus then i get my days to myself.

well, lookee here

we finally have internet connection after 3 weeks back. i've been through my emails, and my mind turns to all things internetty.

but really, i think i might just go and read in bed.

i promise to catch up on the trip, there is much to tell, my friends. and, yes, there are photos, 6,000 of them. for real.

i also promise a return to bad '80s journalling - it's an easy way of blogging but there is still so much fodder there.

as for us, in the here and now, we are back in groovy-town, in the good old secret life of them flat. it's nice to be back. i was just kidding myself i think when i said i liked living in the suburb named after a european car. here i can get the best bread, and coffee, and walk around the lake and see my pelicans and ducks, the gigi is spreading her love around the hood, i swear there were people lining up on acland street a couple of sundays ago to talk to me. about her. about my dog.

men check her out before they do me. or even instead of me.

heh, it's good to be back.

and there is the smell of hope in the air, things are different, a certain short-statured shit has left the office, has gone to the golf course, and things are happening, things that i had despaired of ever happening.

that feels good.

oh, and how are you?

listen up, melbournegirl

remember, don't spend too much time wondering why bottom cleavage is not fashionable, let alone desirable. it just is what it is.

also, don't worry too much about PSYCHO FUCKING BITCHES WHO NEED SOME STRONG MEDICATION JUST SO THEY CAN KEEP IT FUCKING CIVIL AND NOT AMBUSH YOU WITH THEIR CRAZY MUMBO-JUMBO SHIT ABOUT BLAH DE BLAH, AND ALL THAT.
okay, just keep it together, you are doing fine.

moving right along.

how are all of you?

friday's whimsical thoughts have become saturday's melting musings

fuck it's hot, isn't it? melbourne has sure pulled a scorcher out of the box this weekend.

so, yesterday i was thinking of lots of things. i'm too hot to go into detail, all right, so you can ask if you want more info. i know, lazy blogger, i've already admitted as much.

1. the owner of ONO 687, a white KIA that was parked outside our house on friday, you are a fucking knob for leaving your poor dog in the car. no, having the driver's window down half a foot doesn't excuse you. where was the water? where was the shade, because you weren't parked in it, idiot. and the roof of a car doesn't count as shade, not when it's 36 degrees out and the inside of the tin box is probably 50+

i hope the cops came when i rang on the advice of the rspca. i hope they did something bad to you, even if it was just a bit of a rough up. i wish i'd been here to see it, but i had to go pick up my kids from school.

2. i went to the chiro yesterday. she thinks i have carpal tunnel. this is not good. i have to try and use my mouse with my left hand for starters. this is pathetic. it's just trying to rub your tummy and pat your head at the same time, except i can do that all right. the funny thing is, maybe, that my chiro deep heated it etc, then wrapped it in a bandage. i was feeling it was quite fetching and groovy for some bizarre reason, made me feel like i was wearing a tennis sweat band, until i realised that maybe people would think i'd cut my wrist, and then i started feeling self conscious about it. we went to a school open day for oldest daughter, and being a catholic school, i was thinking they were thinking i was a sinner for trying to cut myself. i was wanting to say, i am stable and i have carpal tunnel, please enrol this child.

3. the kids are cooking dinner. they are up the street with john getting the makings of dinner. we have the following to look forward to:

- dips and turkish bread for entree
- chicken parma (no, elaine and ruby, i had NO INPUT ON THAT DISH AT ALL)
- some sort of mystery dessert. they keep it secret, as a supposed attraction to us, the adults, but what they are really doing is giving themselves license to pile up a plate with absolutely every sweet thing they can find in the house. think about it. these kids are smart.

4. today is our day to water - yes detectives amongst ye, we are indeeed an even-numbered house. we have to water cause we haven't done it for ages. but i want to watch ice age 2 which is the slated entertainment for this evening. conundrum.

5. the bra part of the lingerie mentioned last post was returned to the shop and exchanged for a larger size. let's just say i underestimated my bosoms. you'd think i'd know wouldn't you, but i have lost quite a bit of weight lately in my efforts to be hott bride, and it was a little snug*

6. i keep talking about the oc. i love it. i love seth cohen and am very fond of summer. ryan doesn't really do it for me, he has a sideways thing in his acting which reminds me equally of russell crowe and richard gere and his blink-acting. i also love sandy. very much. although we're up to where he lied about his ex-girlfriend still being alive. his wife is very pissed off.

7. i am really quite deaf these days. it's deteriorated a lot in the last six months. i have to get a check up, don't i? is it a symptom of anything really bad, apart from deafness?

8. the gigi is one hot puppy, poor baby. she lies on the kitchen floor where it's maybe a little cooler.

9. i have to give up some tv. i am not coping with late nights. i wake up in the morning like an old woman with aching bones, and a dry mouth, and then i have to drag myself off to the gym. so can you help me. please vote for which shows i should drop out of the following pool:

- neighbours
- desperate housewives [kind of lost interest in this anyway]
- sisters and brothers
- heroes [think i can give this one a miss, after watching two shows]
- medium [don't tell me to give this one up, i love it]
- lost [hmmm, it's just so hard to watch off the tv. the ads, even fast forwarding through them, distracting]

these are all weekly shows that have to be watched. then there's the oc which we're watching on dvd and deadwood which we're waiting for the new season, also on dvd.

the thing is, i am watching more tv than i ever have in my life. i don't want to. please help me. there's so much else to do.

10. should i have the scottish piper at the ceremony or the reception, just at the beginning when guests are arriving. which is more appropriate?

take care, be nice, and don't leave dogs in cars on hot days. or i will dob you in to the cops. promise.






* read impossibly uncomfortable as well as unflattering.

friday bits and pieces

1. recently i have been torturing myself with this book, called dear charlie. it's a series of letters written by a grief-stricken father whose 13-year-old fresh-faced full of life daughter was hit and killed by a train at a crossing in england. this happened last year, december 3. i haven't finished the book yet but i cry as i read, often, and am filled with all sorts of dreads and fears and catastrophic imaginings. i'm not quite sure why i am doing this to myself. it's like an obsession.

















2. yesterday i found out my little nephew will be entering prep with son of chopper. believe me when i say if there's any chance of being at a kid birthday party with the dad, i'll be there.

3. i keep seeing parents out and about with tiny little newborn type babies.

PLEASE PUT A HAT ON YOUR BABY.


4. we have 2 hours of neighbours to watch tonight. oh, happy, happy friday.

5. i will be working in january. i have two research things on the go. there is a junket in february. i've never really been on a junket before. don't get too excited. i think it's to inverloch.

6. on monday i am going to see borat again. i will be with my mother, my sister and my brother-in-law who couldn't watch the office without putting his hands over his eyes. and found curb your enthusiasm even more difficult. i am going to be torn between concentrating on the movie for all those little bits i'm sure i missed the first time, the layers, and watching the others in my group. i am particularly worried about a masturbation scene and a defecation scene with regards to my mother. everything else will be ok i'm sure. she insists on seeing it, even though i've told her how bad it is.

7. i was most excited to see scallops with roe off in my fish store today. so tonight john and i will be dining on: a dozen oysters each, split half tassie, half south australian. don't eat sydney rock oysters - they are not clean.

then a wonderful spaghetti marinara made my moi with olive oil, garlic, parsley and scallops, rockling and prawns.

i think we'll need white wine as well.

bliss.

8. on tuesday next week, my sister and i are going into the cbd. this will be a pre-wedding festival of dresses, looking at hotel room, looking at the ceremony venue, maybe going to tiffany just to look at the wedding bands, lunch, fun, sore feet, annoyance with the crowds, and perhaps a wee hot chocolate at max brunner's. or is it brenners? what do you think?

9. i'm wondering what to plan for our mega-christmas eve lunch where we have so many people coming we need to break out the trestle tables and folding chairs from event management central (john's parents). last year i did cold roast chicken, lasagne, and salads. i think for dessert we had the double-nut choc torte and perhaps the upside-down pear cake.
any suggestions?

10. my dad told me he is going to burn his diaries. i'm faced with a similar dilemma. i have diaries going back to when i was about 16 or 17. if i stacked them in a pile they would reach my upper thigh? anyway, there's over 20 volumes. i know cause i numbered them. i stopped writing them shortly after having princess, so that was 10 years ago. dribs and drabs since then. there is so much shit in them ("i'm reading the accidental tourist and went and bought gym boots at dimmy's. also tomorrow night we're going to the corner. had a twins souvlaki last night after we were out in carlton. we fit 8 people in the beetle and went back to bbqs galore in richmond for a party. the assistant manager let us in...") but there is also some pretty full-on stuff too. really personal stuff. i am pissed off at the idea of my dad burning his history, but then i'm thinking about doing the same. do i want princess to read this shit? where i say things like: "ali was a fucking idiot today, why do i put up with him treating me like shit, i deserve better." he did this, he did that, etc. so, i said to dad if there are any that aren't too personal but have stuff in them other than:

1. re-run dunlop data tapes; mainframe reels blah de blah, changeover at 0900 hours

2. book car in for service

3. go 20 H collect mail

4. book dinner at tabener's

5. pay po box fee

then i would be very much interested in having them, just because. i know there are secrets in his family, there was whisper of a rape, mention of mental illness, suggestion of stillbirth, but it's all withheld, no one will talk about it. what i need to do is try and somehow engineer a meeting with helen garner. strangely she is related, and i bet she knows shit about my family. i would need to befriend her in a non-stalky manner (possible, yes?) and then extract, pump and relieve her of certain tidbits. i was a born snoop/detective.
i don't like finishing on 11. it's just so a-symmetrical. however, i went to the school principal this morning and reported grand larceny in princess's classroom. on tuesday they had italian day (this is where my silent reader danny katz's ears prick up. my kid's italian day was on tuesday as well, he thinks.)
during the day, classes moved around into and out of rooms. by wednesday it was apparent that no less than SIX girls had been robbed of one of the most highly-valued, top-status possessions an 8-12 year old girl can own.

SMIGGLE STATIONERY.

this morning i noted down the details as princess related them. i took my list to the principal and he indulged me by listening. i wouldn't have made a big deal about it if it was just one thing (princess's pack of 8 SCENTED gel pens) HOWEVER also taken was a pack of 12 highlighters, 3 erasers, loose textas, from tubs under desks, and from inside smiggle boxes which were closed.
the principal is getting back to me.

have a good weekend. eat fish. it's good for you.

big catch up post

this will have to be in list form. but before you turn away in disgust, thinking i'm being lazy, bear with me. often these can be the real doozies, the beautiful posts, the stream-of-consciousness check-this-out kind of spiel. it's just i'm under the hammer, the december hammer, where my life spins out of control. it all begins with:

yesterday: my birthday. i got lots of creams and lotions, a splurge at the chanel cosmetics counter, chrissy amphlett's autobio, the bio on kerry packer and a book about a female gp about all things health-related. you know i'm old, i've told you before. i also got flowers, funky glass tumblers and a loverly candle. we ate oysters, prawns and fillet steak, followed by a cake from patterson's. say no more.

then today princess had her ballet concert and i ran into peter rowsthorn. when i say "ran into" what i mean more precisely is that i saw him videoing one of the acts, and went and stood next to him with my video camera, and politely waited until he finished. then i said hi. we knew each other oh years ago, and so we chatted briefly and i managed to make him laugh. what was it about? well, amway actually, and it was a cheap shot against a formerly-mutual friend. bad i know, i am not above betraying old friends to make a comedian laugh. especially one who is in kath and kim. you'll see me on thank god you're here yet.*

last week also i heard about my thesis. for those who don't know, at the end of may i submitted my master thesis. i'd done it full time for 12 months + a 3 month extension. then about 3 months after that i received word that one examiner had loved it, and the other had hated it.

HATED IT.

as in, had nothing good to say about it and refused to give it a mark.

now, this is not good. i kept my cool, i told my supervisor that i was standing by my work and taking out a contract on the examiner. she told me not to be rash, and that they would find another person to review it. so it went to a very eminent canadian academic, who has reviewed it and passed it.

so:

clink goes the champagne.

i've also picked up some more research work for melbuni lecturer re "creativity" - sheesh what a narrow topic, do you think we could broaden that out a bit? - which will see me busy over the rest of december and all of january. it involves a literature review and powerpoint presentation, to the level of teachers, ie "make it intelligible and not overly wanky" i'm guessing.

but, to the burning point of interest for all readers.


the hair.

john and i went down to port fairy last weekend, had monday off, it was delightful, it was de-lovely. and i washed my hair on the sunday. and...

DRUM ROLL

it's still ok. it's a good cut, and i am happy with it.

the stylist was BRI (pronounced br-eye, not brie cheese as i said it when i went in there) down at simrod hair in carlisle street, balaclava.

so, much thanks to ccm who recommended her. i'm thinking i might try her for colour next.

and after that, move onto the next suggestion.

i will work my way through the list.

other news:

beazley must go. that is all.

other other news:

the gigi turned 2 last sunday.



* this brings my tally of making professional funny people i admire laugh to a total of 3 for the year. there was danny katz earlier in the year - my quip was about jamie oliver and his double-nut choc torte - and ms fits, something inane about farting on someone. and we'd met about 2 minutes before. maybe it was a nervous laugh. (you look surprised. well, with me it's a class act all the way, baby.)

quick quiz

about whom is the following quotation:

"My understanding is that he wasn't wearing any undies, his fly was open and some of the lunch meat fell out of the sandwich,'' Jabba told Confidential.

1. that dude from one of the idol shows a few years ago. or was it big brother. i can't fucking remember.

2. axle whitehead

3. this guy





















this has to be one of the most unpalatable things i've ever heard and i love derek and clive.


where did this incident occur:

1. the arias

2. that music show that people in australia make a big deal about


why do you care about this:

1. i don't

2. who gives?


me either. just trying to keep off the hardcore news.

snippets from the brain of mg, today, monday 16 july, 2006

"open war"

"civilians burnt alive"

death toll in lebanon 90+, ALMOST ALL CIVILIANS

two israeli women and one boy dead

one israeli sailor found dead, three missing

no pressure from us government to see if israel can be persuaded to ceasefire

150 lebanese targets hit by israel, fewer than a dozen of them linked directly to hezbollah

tens of thousands displaced lebanese, mainly poor, forced to flee for safety

"israel's crushing military onslaught against gaza and lebanon has killed scores of people"

*

other things in the mix:

r.kelly "melodies"

the green fairy and thoughts that it was quite good

research work i should be doing now

maybe i have to go to canberra in a couple of weeks to help with some training at a conference

it'd be nice to have a holiday in the sun somewhere this year

it won't happen. we are trying to keep expenditure down

but when that carpet sells... maybe...

no, it's best to keep any extra money for the trip next year

roquefort is really a bit watery. castello blue beats it hands down

should i take gigi for a walk, it's not raining anymore

i need to vacuum

i need to have a shower before i pick the kids up

i can vacuum then and maybe we'll take the gige for a walk then too

yay geelong

poor collingwood

i loved stick it. it's a great movie and i will tell anybody and everybody probably several times to see it

wonder when we are going to get a chance to watch some of the david attenborough planet earth shows i've been taping

i love the way attenborough is just referred to as david by me, princess and my mum. princess is a long-term fan. she's been learning about all things nature from david for years. when other kids were dancing to wiggles and watching play school, she was learning about giant water pythons that can ingest a whole cow; breeding cycles of almost everything that breathes and the difference between mammals and marsupials.

david is the best. it'll be a truly sad day when he dies. princess cried when, after watching an abba documentary, she learned that they broke up decades ago. she also was very upset to hear roald dahl was no longer with us. but i think when david moves on, we will have to light candles and have some sort of ritual.

in the last hour of the marathon, she stumbles

i need to make something clear.

when i said i did not find george clooney in the least attractive, i was joking.

joking, people!

clearly my powers of humour are failing, as every bit of energy i have goes into making this lode-stone of 30,000 words which is hanging over my head, stretched across my shoulders like an obese cat, breathing down my neck, coherent.

so all the clarity goes into the thesis, and none remains for me to live my life with.

so sorry about that.

just to re-cap. george is such a big spunk that i even dreamed about him last night. it was one of those dreams, sorry cloke, where the romance is the focus. it's like there is something special there; it's not about sex. there might be a little bit of kissing, but absolutely no raunch. it's all about sitting closely together, whispering to each other, feeling warm and protected.

i hasten to add all these needs are well met in my life, but george managed to sneak in there while i was asleep and completely unable to kick him out of my dream.

better than steel wool, i say.

so, to the marathon. imagine you have trained for the commonwealth games (i'll use that as an image, i figure the olympics would be more for a phd scenario). you are winning, you are almost there, and then as you are dredging up all your reserves of energy and smartness, not to mention thesaurus-like Skillz, your child wanders onto the road. she is crying, with arms stretched out, saying something about feeling hot and shivery, and that her eyes are going to pop out of her head if she moves them. you can see that she looks flushed, you are sure she has a temperature.

what do you do?

do you ignore her, send her to school, and push on.

that is not possible. you stop the race, cradle her to your bosom and put her to bed, carrying trays backwards and forwards the length of the house; tempting offerings. you keep her home from school for two days (and counting). she is so sweet, she apologises for being sick, says you are the best mummy and that next time you are sick, she will take as good care of you, as you have of her.

you keep looking at the pile of work.

but it's not that bad. you have made it sound worse than it is just to write a blog post. for this is the stress, the pressure, making you elaborate in this way.

it will all be ok.

days to submit: 8

keep well everybody, and will someone please feed cotton?