i have been sick. it hit me like a train on Tuesday morning. i couldn't get out of bed to start with, but then HAD to so i could get PSP off to school. i couldn't even get dressed so just pulled on bad tracksuit pants, tucked my nightie inside them so it looked all bunched around the waist [did i give a fuck?] and then drove her the short distance, trying not to crash because i couldn't really open my eyes properly.
then came back and got into bed with a fresh hottie. i felt so bad i couldn't even read much. i lay there, feeling sorry for myself, pissed off that i was not able to work [the transcription machine was sitting in the other room, hunched evilly on my table, laughing at me] i wasn't hungry [this is me near-death, dear reader] and i thought back to how smug i had been just a short time before as it seemed the dreaded melbourne plague had struck down person after person, and left my little household untouched. the dark angel would wing past our sleeping house, carrying her bad germs on to others. not visiting us.
i had to mop my floors before and still i was weak. so weak. so pathetic.
usually i am so robust it probably sickens others. i am a typical saggitarian. i find it hard to be around weak and ill people [steep learning curve there in compassion 101 with my mum], i can't understand when people are not bursting with energy and joie de vivre.
but i know when i'm feeling better because then, other more normal things start to invade my mind
across the road and down from me is a shop. a bakery. but not just any bakery. it is a place run by an israeli family, and they make the most divine PROPER bagels, as well as a bunch of other stuff. there's a whole range of pastries and biscuits - baked cheese cake, cheese blintzes, chocolate babka, special bread, [including 'challa' which i mispronounced most shamefully and most non-jewishly the first time i bought it.]
then next door they've got a little eat-in restaurant. there's tuna and egg salad, the chicken schnitzel, meat balls, soups.
i hadn't had a bagel for days, so i walked down and got two [with sesame seeds] and a cheese blintz. i had never had a cheese blintz before. it was good.
then other things started entering my mind. like, i should write a blog. why are my white hand-towels always so dirty looking, even when they've just been washed? why is my hair so bouffy? where the fuck is my fatboy slim cd? why is everything in the newspaper so depressing? what should i cook for dinner?
this is the only way i can cope with today - break everything down into tiny bits. meditate on the small stuff. everything else is too big and hurts my head.
so here i am, transcribing machine turned on and ready. here's a picture of her, isn't she cute?
note the hello kitty headphones. the ones i got from the shop are like forceps that kill my head after about 20 seconds