Friday, October 12, 2012

Friday funtime



So I haven't done a diarama for a while even though from memory there's still about 18 months if not two years of the 80s to go. Wondering if I should persist? I hate an unfinished project.

In other news, am getting through the David Foster Wallace biography. It's brilliant, I am taking notes. And girding my loins for Infinite Jest.

My father, who I have called a cunt on here, and who I don't think visits much anymore (and not because of that, I hasten to add, probably just because it's boring here) is still talking to the poh-lees about the particular case from several years ago (early part of Bad Eighties Diaries, I think early 1984). His 'detective friend' (as my dad puts it) had gone quiet (required else where in the city a couple of weeks ago) but he's sure to pop up. Dad had to give a proper statement, and he gave the DNA cheek-swab.

I love my dad but gee he's snaky. I spoke to him just before and told him so. Last week he let me down and sometimes it seems like that's the pattern. Here I am - a mature woman - capable in every way, yet she still has a seven-year-old girl living inside of her, who gets hurt. It's pathetic but I'm sure I'm not the only one. Don't we all have smaller versions of ourselves living inside our skins?

Last week we had organised to go to lunch. Him, me, my mother and Princess. (My parents are divorced but still share sweet nostalgic referencing when they see each other; talk of songs remembered, seeing Frank Sinatra together in the '60s, peeps they knew, etc. This is a contrast to the wild scenes of thirty-five years before - love letters found in shirt pockets; soap rubbed into locks; marital beds dismantled; feelings hurt about not being invited to Abba at the Myer Music Bowl.) So Dad cancelled at the last minute. He said he'd hurt his leg. I smelled bullshit and found out today that aroma was accurate. I can't be fagged going into it; it's like politics. Just let it go. But I told Dad today I'd felt he let me down and I felt he was being snaky and not being straight with me. He gets caught in the middle - something that happens to men NOT women. Women are the ones that PUT them in the middle. Men are reeling, fogged-headed and confused, trying to keep everyone happy and not managing to get a smile on anyone's face - so they lie and cover up and bullshit and make excuses. They can't win. I know that.

Anyway.

Anyway.

He and I are good. I don't like it when we're not good. Families suck but they are also really great when they are great.

5 comments:

Alex said...

He gets caught in the middle - something that happens to men NOT women. Women are the ones that PUT them in the middle. Men are reeling, fogged-headed and confused, trying to keep everyone happy and not managing to get a smile on anyone's face - so they lie and cover up and bullshit and make excuses. They can't win. I know that.

Can't say that I've really noticed this pattern in my own life.

Here I am - a mature woman - capable in every way, yet she still has a seven-year-old girl living inside of her, who gets hurt. It's pathetic but I'm sure I'm not the only one.

But this, I think I can relate to. My folks are still together, so I can't relate to that bit; but it's still strange the way I feel and act towards them sometimes. It's a bunch of things I can't even really describe. For instance, my dad can effortlessly wind me up and make me feel foolish in a way that no one else can even begin to. And I don't know if it has more to do with him or me or it's some combination of the two.

Families suck but they are also really great when they are great.

Yep. I've come to the conclusion that I have to put aside as much of the little stuff as I can and enjoy the time I have with them as much as I can while I've still got it. Otherwise I'll probably regret it later. (Hmmm, I seem to remember someone telling me something similar very recently)

Anyway, I'm glad you and your family are all good at the moment. It is good.

Melba said...

You haven't seen men emotionally caught in the middle with two women on either side? I see it all around me (well, in three of my close family relationships, including my own, and some of them comprise different triangles of tussle, with the man always at the apex (is that what it's called? the pointy bit at the top, if it's an isosceles triangle, say). It can be wife on one corner, husband at the apex (and this position has nothing to do with power or might, it's just the position because they're in the middle, it could almost be a parallel line with bloke in middle and the two women at either end) and then sister/sister in law/usually mother taking the other spot.

Or it could be sister/brother/partner.

Mother/son/partner.

In my immediate family, I can count 6 of these triangle relationships... where there has been or currently is active tussling and the bloke is caught in the middle.

Anyway, just survived a weekend away with friends and this is another area of difficulty. I realise I hate everybody. So glad I don't hate Clokes, but at the weekend, one didn't turn up (good, because she's awful), one spoiled things for the guy whose weekend it was (for his bd) and announced she wanted to go home a day early (before the big meal on Sat night) then agreed not to, took to her bed for the whole of Saturday, came out, grimaced, sighed, at dinner and went back to bed. When she apologised yesterday for 'hitting the wall' I didn't say 'that's ok' I said 'ah yeah.' Then there was another woman who was fine before drinks and insufferable after. So that left me and three blokes who were awesome. (Of course, maybe they hated me, too). I hadn't wanted to go in the first place but he is a dear friend. I don't think we'll be having such weekends away again.

Melba said...

God I'm terrible with closing brackets. God I love blog writing where I can just go blah de blah and who cares...

Alex said...

God I love blog writing where I can just go blah de blah and who cares...

Fantastic, i'nit?

I have seen blokes caught in the middle like that, but, in my family at least (or at least one side (the other side works things out by getting drunk and belting each other)), there seems to be as many, if not more, women caught between two blokes; so I never associated it with being a gender related thing. Frequently it seems to be "woman caught between partner and father". Also, the part of the family where I see it most is the really churchy mob, where the women have been raised to be all meek and subservient and shit. But then they get involved with fellas outside the church. Fireworks ensue.

Melba said...

You're just showing off there, Alex, in a very bracketty way. Don't think I didn't notice.

Hmm interesting about the women getting caught in the middle in your world, Alex. In mine, it's defo the men.