Saturday, December 24, 2005

nice to see you. thanks for coming. a yuletide yu-yu.

this is a yo-yo

this is a ya-ya (i think, but i'm sure it means something else as well, like tits?)

but this is a yu-yu. it's where we get together and i make you have a big head because i talk about you, yu, and how great yu are.

but to do it, we need to be somewhere intimate. somewhere dark and exciting, and a little bit cabaret.

we have an emcee

bevis is table-hopping.

and your hosts are

or maybe

no. wait, this be them* / **

that's me on the right.

john is in bed right now. he was going to be my guest co-host at tonight's show but he flaked (just before the cooking-of-the-cheesecake, and right after the test-run of the setting-up of the trampoline).

more on john - because i STUPIDLY returned my mother's food processor to her not three days ago, tonight we had to do the following in the original manner of the Serengeti:

1. pound to crumbs 150g almonds and 150g walnuts

2. same for 300g dark cooking chocolate

3. CREAM, yes that's CREAM both one portion (sizeable) of butter with caster sugar, then for a completely different dessert, cream again philly cream cheese with caster sugar. this was achieved using a cheap hand mixer.


4. shit the egg whites were a breeze. x 2 lots.

so back to the smokey cabaret in which we find ourselves. i see tables, something like the beginning and end of seinfeld. except the guy on the mike is the guy from blues brothers. it's when jake and elroy go to find each member of the original band. and one of them is in a seedy bad venue, in the middle of the day, saying "don't go changing" to an audience member of one. ormaybe two.

(update. cheesecake is out of the oven. it looks perfect. chocolate torte i am a bit worried about. it seemed to singe a little while we were strugging with the trampoline, but more on that a bit later)

so, i wanted to run through my list of friends and talk about their good qualities, what it was that attracted me to them, and more importantly what is was that kept me going back for more.

but whenever i log on, i do a quick scoot around the neighbourhood, and check out what people have done. and first stop, is bevis. and he's done it. sure, he didn't call it a yuyu (wasted opportunity, i know) but he has done exactly what i wanted to do.

so the yu-yu goes out the window. i hope you don't mind. but i will do it one day, just not now. it has to seem fresh, innovative and new.

yu all know who yu are. and why yu are special to me.

so happy christmas/hanukkah to yu all.

i will be away for a bit. but not for too long.

stay safe

*note pirate inflection

** this is my preference

tomorrow we host a lunch for 21. we just got rid of all the boxes from the move. we are serving lasagne, cold chicken and a bbq. salads (rice and green) and desserts are baked: cheesecake and two-nut chocolate torte

my sister and her family are staying tomorrow night, christmas eve. so her two young kids will wake us up really early. i am already regrettting this in advance.

tonight john travolta and i unpacked the flat-packed family trampoline that was hidden in the garage after being delivered yesterday. despite the courier fuck standing in the doorway and saying "i've got a trampoline here" in a really loud bloke-voice, the children were told it was a delivery of Gigi food. believe it or not.

so olivia and john got the tramp half up, then realised it wouldn 't fit back in the garage, so had to dissemble. is that a word? there was much clanging of wrench, and laughing of mouth as it started raining.

update: princess is going to america next friday. yes, i know it came up quickly. yes, that's why i have been "away", organising passports and tickets in the week before christmas is really easy and really fun. she's such a big girl travelling on her own on the plane at 9. i guess some people think i'm mad to let her go. oh well.

update: i'll be working on my thesis in january. head down, not seeing anyone and trying not to blog.

stop laughing.

update: the gigi got dropped into the only boarding kennel that had a vacancy this side of canberra. when i saw it i wondered if it would be ok. i'm sure she'll be fine but i worry about her.


BEVIS said...

Whoa - so much I want to say (and as I'm at my parents' house in Sydney - most memorable blog-related quote so far has been: "Get a lawyer; these people will steal your writing ideas" * - I really can't stay online very long), so I'll do my best ...

1) I must start by apologising for (unknowingly) 'stealing' your idea! I'm sure it would have been fine if you still did it, though. You seem to be onto a winner with this yu-yu thing. I look forward to seeing it come to fruition in due course, then.

2) You are lovely! Although you didn't do the yu-yu, you still mentioned me in a round-about fashion (table-hopping - ha!), also stating that I was your 'first stop' - which naturally thrilled me! :)

3) (Sorry, no more smiley faces, I promise.)

4) Princess is going to America on her own?? Rather than me make comments that question your mothering skills (we have seen plenty of examples this year of your EXCEPTIONAL mothering skills, after all), I was going to say: Well done! She will love it and I'm sure you've taken the appropriate steps to ensure her safety, etc. I'd never doubt it. What a Life Experience for her. She will thank you in years to come, I'm sure.

5) What kind of *insert expletive here* delivery guy, who's delivering a trampoline two days before Christmas to a house where children are running around (he doesn't even need to have seen any children) calls out "I've got a trampoline here" in a really loud bloke-voice? That angered me all the way from here.

6) There is no 6.

7) If you're putting your head down through January and not blogging (sorry, I only just stopped laughing about that one - and had to wipe the tears from my eyes), and Princess is in the US, when will we hear from you / how will I stay sane / why are we never going to read Princess' guest post on animals??! Oooh! Have you sent her on a research mission to study animals abroad for her own little thesis? (Or - more likely - did you just want her out of the house while you finish yours?) :)

8) (Okay, I lied about the smiley faces; so sue me.)

9) (... please don't sue me!)

10) Why do you bake your salads? (Re-read that sentence carefully. Sorry to get all 'primary teacher' on you at Christmas!)

11) Is the question "Why do you bake your salads?" a euphemism? If so, what would it mean? (Competition closes 1st January 2006.)

12) You really, really, really shouldn't have returned that food processor. You very-much went about preparing those items the hard way. (But I think you already realise this!) Hehe ... your Serengeti comment made me laugh!

13) That guy from The Blues Brothers (Murph from 'Murph & The Magic-Tones') is a classic! I can totally see him there in our little Caberet setting.

14) This is turning out to be a massively-long comment, despite my disclaimer at the start that I needed to be quick - I guess it goes to show that whatever I say about time restrictions can't be trusted when I'm busy talking to a friend.

15) Cue audience's reaction to the above point, Full House-style: ("Awwwww ...")

16) I'm sure The Gigi will be fine - remember, the people who run these kennels do this stuff for a living. Are you not the very best at what you do for a living? (I hope so, or you'll start worrying about the dog again now I've said that!) It's perfectly understandable of you to worry, though. You love her. I'm worried about my cats, ... but that could be because we drove out of the state yesterday without sorting out any kind of care for them during the two weeks of our absence. I'm sure they'll just survive by killing-and-eating protected wildlife until we return, the feral things. (Note: This point is full of sarcasm. Of course we sorted out a cat-sitter - see the list of thank yous on my own blog - as our cats are lovely little harmless creatures who thrive on our overbearing love and aren't 'feral things' at all. Even cat-haters would love them.)

17) I just got the 'wind-up' from Wifey through the door. (Not 'wind' as in 'gusts of air in nature'; but 'wind' as in 'the opposite to rewind'. I hope that clears up the image of Wifey farting through the door at me - she is a lady so she doesn't fart - isn't that right, MG?)

18) May you have a great Christmas Eve today, entertaining all those guests, and a wonderful (if oh-too-early) Christmas Day tomorrow.

19) Do well on your thesis and we'll hear from you after you get this very important work of yours done, sometime in January.

20) Again, you are lovely!

* And you've just proven with this post how wonderful you are and how misguided my mother is! Bless you.


Also, pick the Monty Python quote in the above comment, and win a brand new *nothing*, just in time for Christmas!!

Gianluca Di Milano said...

sounds a fuck nice party. Can I to come? Is there will be some cokes or speeds?

Chai said...

Merry Xmas to your family and you. Hope u get a lot of cool pressies. And Happy Festivus too, in case u celebrate that as well.

Justine said...

nice to drop by!

elaine said...

*feels special*

I hope the new year brings love and joy to you, princess the gigi and mr mg.


MelbourneGirl said...

well hello there.

thanks BEVIS for your big comment. briefly let me address the number of iss-ews you raise:

it's ok about the yu-yu thing. great minds, etc.

i was sure you'd be a table hopper in real life. are you?

my first-stop depends on what i want to write. if it's something political or hard-hitting, i usually go to fits' place. if it's more social, to yours.

yes, princess is on her way today actually. i haven't cried yet and i'm thinking i will still have to blog just to get through the time, and might just use it (and you my friends, i'm sure you won't mind being my support team?) as a log of how i am going. a count-down if you will, to when she returns. for i am missing her already. oh yes. as for her safety, her dad will meet her at the airport in san fran and has fabulous things planned. her dad has a "sometime girlfriend" who princess has met several times before and she is "on-site" ready to help dad with princess-type-liaison. sorry if i sound a bit harsh, he is a good dad. but he's not very good at the girly stuff, fair enough. and princess is quite girly. so i got her off with a special badge from the airline, paid a fee so they would supervise her constantly and keep her safe. when i told her not to accept anything from strangers on the trip, she rolled her eyes and said "what, like drugs mum?" i muttered something about yes, and bangkok hilton and then just shut the fuck up.

well the kids did smell a fish about the trampoline. we managed to lie about it, and they were thrilled when they saw it. the problem is each time i go on it, i wet my pants. i need to empty my bladder beforehand. thought you all just needed to know that.

about princess' guest post, it will happen. just be patient. i'm sure she'll have some interesting stuff to say about america.

when i wrote about baked salads, it was late and i was delirious from exhaustion. plus a glass too many of wine.

to gigi. when we got to the place it looked like a trailer park. it was bad. i worry she is going to die. or that they are using her in illicit dog fights. surely they would know a goldie would be hopeless in the ring. i hope they don't brand her. it's going to be 42 degrees tomorrow. i am more worried about her than princess. it's just i know princess is smart and can look after herself. plus she will be well-looked after by trusted adults.

BEVIS. you have a good memory. the farting. i still haven't in front of john, and he hasn't in front of me. poor love, he's probably fit to burst.

chai, we DO celebrate festivus. it's a good time of year.

hope you had a good one elaine and justine and gianluca. happy new year to all.

stay tuned for princess is gone post # 1

BEVIS said...

I was planning to reply to your comment, but I don't really know that I need to, upon re-reading it just now.

Am I a table-hopper? Depends how you mean it.

I look forward to Princess' guest post (I can wait), and am keen to one day try one of your world-famous baked salads.

PS - Happy New Year. I hope you weren't too crazy last night. :)