Friday, December 30, 2005
a life half lived
forgive me my sentimentality, for that is all you will find here for the next 26 days. shit is it that many? i hadn’t properly counted before. maybe that’s why.
i hadn’t wanted to know how many it was. for it is many.
i know, i keep saying “for” in some olde worlde poete kind of way
so, the sentimentality will be a feature, an ode to my daughter will unfold here on these pages, day by day. yes, colleen, i hear you. but i won’t pray. for it is not in my nature. my nature tends to catastrophe and destruction which is not a good thing for a mother. i fight it.
weird – today i must have looked at my phone clock more than a dozen times. i am preoccupied with the time today. working out mentally where princess is, what she is doing. most times the hand has been either on the 12, the 3, the 6 or the 9. omen? of what?
i am turning into a basket case and it is only day one.
do i count upwards or downwards? i think both.
26 days to go.