Friday, November 11, 2005

the horror, the horror

we are in. we have moved. again i told my mother, if i start to talk about moving, tell me i'm mental. stop me. don't let me do it. unless we are being physically kicked out of this place, then that's it. for a while.

the new house. it's big. it has a la-di-da tennis court (with lots of weeds and deserted en-tous-cas). it has 4 bedrooms and then a section at the front that used to be a doctor's surgery. i kid you not! each of those three rooms has sinks. including one with the special handles so you can turn the water on without cross-contaminating your freshly hygenised hands. i'm thinking nice screen or fabric suspended from ceiling to cover them. they are fugly. but it means the kids get a play room, we get an office and there's a dedicated guest room. lux.

THEN there's a waiting room too. i could open a brothel, with a theme of doctors and nurses. me and my partner could dress up as nursey and doc, do a bit of scene-and-mood-setting, walk around thwacking rubber gloves and brandishing thermometers... then exit stage left and let the girls work their magic. we could have old mags in the waiting room, which have vinyl built-in benches. or perhaps that could be another theme room. we could work four girls...

leave it with me.

here is a summary list of all the places i've lived. this pretty much covers the last 22 years.

starting point, ashburton. or ashboring as we liked to call it. family home. cocker spaniel.



moved out to camberwell, lived in a house with my dad. there about a year.

moved to house in burnley. on the train line. one year.

moved to flat in south yarra. one year? less.

moved back home, to ashboring.

moved to burke road, glen iris. 1 year?

moved in with my dad again, flat in hawthorn.

moved to richmond. 1 year?

moved to east melbourne. 1 year?

went overseas for 7 months. for some of that time, lived in london. hated it. every time i blew my nose, black stuff came out.

came home, moved back into ashboring.

moved to japan. lived in 3 places there. mostly osaka. 2.5 years total.

went to turkey. was there 7 months i think. lived in 1 place in istanbul.

came back to... ashboring.

then fairly quickly, moved to friend's place in northcote. this was not a full move, but still counts as a distinct residence.

moved to flat in east melbourne. 1 year.

moved to grey st., st kilda. bed sit. i was pregnant, it was a stinky bedsit (owned by my dad, but oh, quelle horreur)

bought apartment in st kilda. the secret life of them pad. stayed here a couple of years. this is where princess was born.

when she was 10 months old we rented out the slot pad and went to turkey for 4 months. lived in 3 places there. i know, i know. madness.

came back to, you guessed it. ashboring.

moved to inkerman rd, caulfield. 1 year.

went to turkey again, 1 year. lived in 2 places.

came back. not to ashburton, but to st. kilda. there from 2000 to 2004 sept which is the longest i have stayed in one place as an adult, when we moved to glenhuntly rd, caulfied sth. there for 15 months, and then today have moved to bentleigh.

ok, so that's 25 distinct residences. then there were the full moves, you know the full catastrophe.

the problem is each time i have more stuff.

i am aching all over.

time to go.


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MelbourneGirl said...

so who are you anonymous? is that all you can offer me?

Clokeeeey! said...

twas me, I didn't log on.

I feel inadequate, I've only moved 5 times ever, but I will have had 2 in 2 years and 3 in 5 years.

fluffy said...

Crikey that's a lot of places. If you charted it on a map you would see that you've been vacillating in increasingly widening circles away from Ashboring. If you'd been going the other direction (Nunawading, Lilydale, Kilsyth) I reckon you wouldn't be the Melbourne Girl we know and love.

East Melbourne would be a good place to live if you had 3 or 4 mill to spend. A genuine oasis, but one to be done in the grand style. St Kilda/Elwood beckons to be every now and then but I'm well ensconced in Brunswick for the now.

PS eek TENNIS COURT! En-tout-cas is scary to play on. You're just so much more inclined to go for a lairy shot when you know there's some grass under you. However, I forsee an annual event with everyone dressed in white and drinking G&Ts. Maybe the working girls.

Dirty Dick Dodger said...

Howdy Ma'am, I find I'm contantly on the move. I can't say I remember where I've spent more than 6 months at a time. The law is always catching up to me.

Chai said...

Wow.... Turkey... that's one place I've never visited but would love to. I hear the mosaics there are to die for. I moved house last year. I dont know how you can do it so often.
And didnt you have word verification turn on before?

sublime-ation said...

I have moved every year of my adult life. And my beloved piano always comes with me.
You are so lucky to have a tennis court.
fuck the Mormons are at the door I have to go tell them i'm a satanist


Anonymous said...

At last count I have moved somewhere round twenty-two times between the ages 2-23 and none of them were to anywhere nearly as exciting as Istanbul or Osaka. This one time though, I moved to a small country town in Queensland and got to ride dirt bikes and shoot guns... every seven year-olds dream.


Magical_M said...

15 times in the last 10 years.

Three countries and two states.

And despite chucking out masses of crap I still end up with a billion boxes.

elaine said...

Despite living in share housing, just about every major piece of furniture and cookware is mine. I need to ensure that my housemate has little but whitegoods and their own bedroom furniture.

Every time I move, I swear that I'm not going to collect any more crap.

It never happens...

MelbourneGirl said...

yes it's exhausting just thinking about all that moving just between the lot of us, hey? talk about boxes. talk about large garbage bags full of stuff.

i am still in the mire of shit that surrounds me. when i say shit, i mean my most treasured possessions, and those of princess. the gigi has settled well, she keeps dragging empty bourbon and coke cans from the bowels of jungle which run alongside the tennis court. let me say the garden is not a paul bangay manicured job. which is good. i like a rambling garden, but hopefully the aluminium tins will peter out as the gigi might cut her mouth, poor love.

MelbourneGirl said...

ps chai, i've never had WF turned on. i don't like it, and i really don't get much spam.

michellesarah said...

Yikes! Do you have a credit card? Cos they always want to know where you live and for how long... and the place before that, how long?

I'm sure greed would allow them to overlook your constant moving, but you'd make 'em nervous, I'll bet!