Friday, November 25, 2005

attention all melbourne workers who might walk past the myer christmas windows. i need your help.


today i saw something that disturbed me much. my mother, princess and i were in town (don't ask why she wasn't at school. all right then, she had an appointment with a medical person. nothing serious, don't worry but thanks for asking.)

we went into town. the plan was to:

1. go to the royal arcade

2. eat some cucumber sandwiches or similar at the hopetoun tea rooms. i used to go there with my nanny. it was a big generational circle of love as we sat there, three generations, discussing the menu with gusto.

3. buy a couple of gifts

as we passed myer, we decided to check out the windows.

last year's polar express fucking sucked. so i didn't hold much hope for this year. i really hate the commercial nature of christmas.

[please don't go away, this will be a really SHORT break.]


[brought to you by coca cola*]

[and now we return to our program]

... but there was one scene where father christmas was in bed, lying on his side, there were a couple of elves at the back of the room, i think. his eyes were open, he looked aghast. and there was a regular movement under his blanket. maybe it was meant to be his legs moving around? there was a definite sliding motion, but it was a fairly large object under the blanket.

i stood there shocked, not believing what i was seeing. was someone giving santa a blow job?

what i would like please is for anyone who is able to go and check this out.

tell me i am not dreaming.


* the multinational which used to own christmas after the christians and before mc donald's.


Clokeeeey! said...

Considering the Santa Kid was written by a crime novelist, it's highly likely that something sus is going on under the blanket.
I'm surprised you saw any movement at all, the windows this year are less impressive than last year. will there ever be a year when they are not promoting a book or film?
Did you notice that the guard posts on the outside were leunig type elves?

MelbourneGirl said...

it was crap. it was all crap. but you haven't helped me here clokey. you didn't see movement under the blanket?

Clokeeeey! said...

No, but I'll check it out on Monday and get back to ya.

Pomgirl said...

I will be going into the city to check that out, though I am sure it can't be as perverted as I am now imagining it to be.

Magical_M said...

That sounds waaaaay more interesting than the DJ's window in Sydders.

Although there are a few dodgy mice in the window this year... doing something weird with a train set.

BEVIS said...

Old fat guys get all the luck.

MelbourneGirl said...

all i need is one independent verification of this. and pomgirl, is it exactly as bad as you are imaginging it.

believe me.

Dxxxx said...

Melbourne does get all the fun, doesn't it......


Sarlaughalot said...

the message is clear. Fuck Christmas.

Another Outspoken Female said...

Can't wait to check out the Santa action this week (will report back asap)

ps: think the tea rooms are in The Block arcade. Royal has Gog and Magog and a passable sushi lunchbar and a chocolate shop or 2.

Another Outspoken Female said...

Checked out Santa. Am sad to say the bed cover action is happening around the knees. Unless he is extremely well built, i suspect there is no little helper action happening between the sheets.

MelbourneGirl said...

ok thanks aof. i know it was fairly low down, but didn't you think it bizarre to be having all that movement?

perhaps i was just having a bad day. but i appreciate your help here.

[goes and takes a 'stop seeing weird things everywhere you look' pill]

MelbourneGirl said...

[thinks about it and shudders at thought of santa being "well built"]

Chai said...

I dont think I'll be letting my kid sit on Santa's lap after this. Thanks a lot, guys.

Darcy said...

Maybe Mrs Santa couldn't find it without her glasses. I'm onto it...on Friday and shall report my findings also.

Clokeeeey! said...

IMHO, I agree with AOF. I checked it out yesterday and the "action" is very low down the bed. I'm more concerned about the kiddies that pop up behind the bed.

Roguemaze Central said...


BEVIS said...

I don't intend to check out the Myer Christmas windows this year, but I must say I'm enjoying this dissertation of the thing!

MG, I've answered your Neighbours question on my blog. Head over there when you've got a spare fifteen minutes to spend reading it all.