day 20 is never good

OK, here's the deal.
Yesterday I started feeling narky and shitty. I started to go into a cleaning frenzy. I was tired, grumpy and not nice to be around. I looked in my diary and it was day 20 of my menstrual cycle. Now, the thing is you have to count from day one of your period, that is when you start bleeding. So day 20 is only like two weeks or so from when you feel your period stopped last, so it feels like you are almost always either having your period or waiting for the next one. i think this means i am getting old. i know i am. i'm 41 [not a hag...] [truly] BUT my cycle seems to be changing and before where i used to maybe get a bit moody, now i feel murderous and rageful and like i want to throw things and scream. [this is NOT connected to bottom note about murder.] however, it's annoying. i am taking like $400 herbs twice a day which are helping but i can't relax when i want to, i have to keep going, i am a single parent, i have commitments and money worries and dreams and hopes and fears.

when did it all get so hard?

feel better now though.

have to go and prepare something for my supervisor who i see tomorrow at 11am. i have wasted two hours here on this thing.

ps i bought five rsl raffle tickets where the first prize is a 1.3 million dollar home in brisvegas. i'ts drawn today i think. we won't win it. my daughter has this thing where she thinks if you say the opposite of what you wish for, it's more likely to come true. ie " i hope it rains tomorrow" [ she's 8]

so we are saying to ourselves, we're not gonna win.

will let you know

maybe




[notes]
these are things i want to cover in this blog at some stage, if i don't write them down, i'll forget -

the history of the hot-water bottle
where does the expression "blue blood" ie as in aristocratic come from?
why do i tend to make things harder for myself, ie avoiding study, by procrastinating?
why do some people sexually cheat on each other?
how can someone murder someone else in cold blood? wouldn't they feel guilty like, forever???
why when i mentioned germaine greer at a recent seminar at uni did no one respond, no one nodded, frowned [well i don't know about that, i wasn't looking at everyone] no one said anything. i would like to know whether she is like a hot turd to current feminist/political thinkers. yep, i'm old then, and i know a lot of what she says is [kind word] 'kooky' BUT does that mean you write off the whole person? i would like to explore this, another time.