Wednesday, June 29, 2005

ode to the hot water-bottle

[please ignore these funny images to the left here. they are multiple stone hotties which i somehow copied into my post, then couldn't delete. i minimised them as much as possible and they are now interesting graphic elements]

season of mists and scorching hot water-bottles
close bosom friend of me, melbourne girl
conspire with this cold one how to warm my toes, and just under
the tops of my legs
with heat, that round my cold body runs

[borrowed from keats and rearranged]

i call my hottie bluey. he is a staunch friend and has been with me for many a season. i used to wrap him in a pillow case so he wouldn’t burn me [yes, I use boiling water despite all the warnings] but a couple of winters ago i bought a cover – just a cheap synthetic thing which is ok. but what i’d really like is one of these:

or maybe one of these:

There is also this, mmmm alpaca:

But I definitely do not want something like this in my bed, even if it is down by my feet:

that looks like the type of jumper my form three teacher mr neeson wore. he was terribly thin, with a concave chest and bad moustache. [are there any good ones?]

did you know?
did you know? the earliest hot water bottle was a dog, or maybe even three. the aztecs “enjoyed” the xoloitzcuintli, a hairless dog, not only as pets “but also found them useful as bedwarmers, food and sacrificial offerings.” hello? “the toasty warm body heat of the toy hairless dogs made them in demand as ancient hot water-bottles, relieving stomach pains and rheumatic joints… extreme cold made for a “Three Dog Night.”

this is a xoloitzcuintli [fortuitous placement of second i there, and lucky lack of ck on end, n'est-ce pas?]

some of the conversations in the old days:

Ø it’s so cold i need three dogs tonight
Ø seems like it’ll be only a one dog night tonight, what do you think?
Ø my father was so cold he needed eight dogs
Ø i have a stomach pain, i’ll just need a couple of dogs to lie on it then i’ll be fine
Ø i’m hungry, bring me a dog

other interesting hottie facts:

- moonshiners smuggled illegal booze across borders in 1917 from detroit
- in the uk in 1939 they used hot bricks wrapped in towels
- there is a museum where you can see French hot waterbottle made from a former 75mm artillery shell case
- this is what the early non-dog hotties looked like. mmmm soft and pliant, really nice for snuggling with:

time to boil the kettle


Cape Man said...

I have a better solution for you MG, what you need is a warm hearted super hero that will give you an all over body warth. These rubber imitations are no substitute for my super powers.

Cape Man said...

That last picture. Is that a "pliant" hot water bottle. It looks like a car radiator! Probably from a Citreon.

MelbourneGirl said...

cape man. the pliant reference was sarcastic. that last pic is of a ceramic hottie. i guess they would have taken them out of the bed before getting in themselves.

i just thought of another form of hottie from the yold days - a maid or manservant?

thanks for offer of your services. is 'warth' something like heating or does it include extra services? such as perhaps a physical attack against which i have to struggle and then surrender?

mmmm, shall consider. perhaps you could become my manservant.

fluffy said...

i watched Pirates of the Carribean the other night (Johnny Depp you can warm my bed anytime now you hear?) and there was a scene which showed a very ye olde bedwarmer with hot coals in it.

How did it not scorch the sheets? or make them really dirty? and what if you put your foot on it? ow!

i use boiling water in my rubber hottie too. Seems less dangerous than hot coals anyway.

Cape Man said...

It would be a pleasure to serve you maam.

MelbourneGirl said...

hmmm, have been meaning to watch the pirates of caribbean movie, sorry cape man, might have to put that manservant business on hold... i might have to choose mr depp to be my manservant, if fluffy is prepared to share him. we could alternate - one night depp, one night cape man - though that doesn't mean i will share cape man with anyone. sorry fluff

roguemaze said...

I like hot water bottles. They are a lot like ex-girlfriends. They start out hot - become warm - then go cold and useless.

Best thing is though - You can always get another hot water bottle - or fill up the old one again and have warm feelings of regret and love. or something...

Cape man... cave man?????

MelbourneGirl said...

rougemaze - i like the bit about paralleling hotties with exes, nice one. but be nice to cape man. he is chivalrous and cute. see his cape? love his cape!

roguemaze said...

Cape and I are old friends... sOk...

la nadine said...

i call her lola. my last one was a he, but lola just has this womanly vibe. perhaps its her warmth, perhaps her shape, perhaps her loyalty.

MelbourneGirl said...

it's the loyalty la nadine.

however perhaps this one would tempt you [or her] away from each other's side?

dang, how do you get images into the comments?

am putting in a mini post

Anonymous said...

Hi, I'm Mike and I live in England - It's been really cold here for many a long month this winter!
I use a rubber hot water bottle every night in Winter.
It has ribbed sides so I can cuddle it close without getting too hot!