Monday, July 04, 2005

how to make disney on ice skaters fall over

first - wait until the first scene which might be the aladdin section

turn to friend who has seen disney on ice four times before

ask: has anyone ever fallen?

hear the reply: no, i’ve never seen it happen

then wait: soon, aladdin will trip on the ice and kind of half fall but recover quite well

feel sick and know it was your fault

think: i shouldn’t have said anything,
think: it’s because i’m here

say: it's because i'm here
hear the reply from friend: it's never happened before

then a bit later, as ariel [from little mermaid] starts to skate/dance with whoever her prince is, try not to think: i wonder if it will happen again.

it does.

watch: ariel hits the ice as she is doing some sort of spin with her prince. he has her by the hands and was giving her a whizzy whirl [no, no!! your inner voice screams]. she loses her balance and her legs are kind of dragged on the ice. she gets wet tights and a red flush along her chest.

now sit there, really tense, keeping all thoughts from mind.

imagine: ariel swearing you fuck at her prince backstage.

spend rest of performance not daring to breathe and deciding never to go to ice show again.


Cape Man said...

I thought the 8 yo convention would have been to wish that everyone should fall over and therefore the opposite would happen.
There should have been a chorus of "Break a leg!"

MelbourneGirl said...

but it wasn't the 8 yo. it was me, clumsy melbchicky. she didn't even know it was me making them fall over. maybe she didn't even notice them falling over. she was bedazzled by... the dresses... the smoke machines... the merchandising that everyone elses' mummies bought them, and why was her's such a scab?!!