Monday, January 02, 2006
day 3 and day 4
these two days will be a double post. we were down at the beach house yesterday and there is no phone line.
i am doing remarkably well, even though i haven't heard from them since saturday when i spoke to princess again in the afternoon as they were getting ready to go the the snow.
i sent a text message on new year's day our time, so that was yesterday around 11am. i was restrained and calm. and i haven't heard back.
i am thinking there is no mobile reception on whichever mountain they are, somewhere near lake tahoe apparently.
of course the worry-wart which sits on my shoulder constantly (it's very unattractive, large and hairy) (kidding) tells me (yes, this wart can talk) that perhaps princess's father, let's call him ali baba, is going to kidnap her and spirit her out of the country, or he is filling her head with badnesses about me, or perhaps he's simply driven off the road by accident and they are all lying under snow, dead.
i know this is terrible to even articulate, but this is one way of dealing with my anxiety. you see, if i can imagine the most horrible events, then they can't possibly come true. it's almost like negating the evil or bad luck by "getting to it first."
some might think this could pre-empt stuff, or even create it, a la a sort of inverse creative visualisation thing. but as i am here and not there, i don't believe i can have any sway over fateful events.
i'm not being very coherent am i?
ali baba once told me that the more i worried about stuff, that i would make it come true. i do wonder about this.
anyway, john (travolta, remember) and i are off to dinner and a movie.
i am not physically anxious, and am sleeping fine.
organised the office this afternoon, so that tomorrow i can settle down to
WRITE MY FUCKING THESIS
days 3 & 4
23 days to go